If I knew just how confusing being a teenager would be, I probably would have stubbornly stayed in my mother's womb, despite the c-section (sp). After finally settling down and getting comfortable with the idea that yes, I like girls (or lesbian if you will but I'm not sure about that term, which will be explained), I uncover another issue in this maze of mine that's called my mind (this is what I get for contemplating the meaning of life!). What is this particular issue? Gender. Gender is twenty times more confusing then sexuality ever was, or at least it is to me. I am biologicaly female. I have no desire to become male, nor do I identify as male. But, I do not and never had really been able to call myself "female". Where does that leave me? Confused (silly society is way too obsessive about labels and fitting everything into a nice square box with straight sides). This middle ground, between male and female but not trans (?), this feeling of being genderless... is there a name for it? I know I must not be the only person who feels this way. Thank you Amy
Posts: 6 | From: Washington, DC | Registered: Jan 2003
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You know, Amy, I've just never found that gender was something that was very important to me. Not in choosing partners, and not in terms of my personal identity.
I wouldn't say I feel gender-less, just that I don't feel very strongly about gender as part of my identity at all, and to the point that I do, I find I tend to need to invent new structures for myself.
Usually "genderqueer" is a term people use to define feelings like these, or simply standing outside the normal or expected (and often limited) boundaries of how most people think about gender -- often binarily.
In my experience, it need not be a problem or something to feel sad about, but rather simply an avenue to explore, visit and revisit in terms of learning about yourself and making/discovering your self-identity.
One of my friends believes the soul has no gender, it's only the body that makes someone a boy or a girl. (she also says : "however, I feel much more like a girl than a no-gender-spirit" )
Posts: 81 | From: north america | Registered: Mar 2002
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Amy, You struck a chord when you said that you felt somewhere in a "middle ground" between male and female. David Deida explains a "polarity" theory in his book "Way of the Superior Man" (he has also written other books on lovers and books about men for women, not just about how to be a better man). Generally, men and women have an 'essence' that is either masculine or feminine. With men, about 80% are masculine, 10% feminine, and 10% neutral, or balanced, and it is the same with women. You may be one of those neutral women, so you might seek a woman who is also neutral. Or, if her feminine/masculine qualities attract you, those traits are complimentary to yours.
This is all a single man's theory, of course, and is simply an idea that might resonate with you. Hope this all helps. :3
Posts: 13 | From: crazy LA, California | Registered: Jan 2003
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