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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » Sex standards

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Author Topic: Sex standards
Member # 7728

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I have noticed big differences in the ways that men and women are treated when it comes to sex. Why is it considered a bad thing for a girl express her sexuality? I'm sure a lot of you have called someone a 'slut' or a 'whore', simply because they have slept with a few more people than average. I know that I have said things like that without thinking, too.

I think there are different standards for men. If a boy goes out and has sex, he will most likely get a pat on the back and get called 'stud' or 'pimp daddy' for a while. Why are the standards so different for boys and girls?

What do you think?

All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others - Animal Farm

Posts: 388 | From: UK | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 802

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We've had some threads that touch on this topic:

I don't know why the standards are so different... personally, I haven't really found that they are. In high school, the people who had had lots of sex (male or female) were cool, and the virgins weren't. Or at least, that's how I perceived it (I was a virgin )

We were more likely to consider a girl a slut based on what she wore...

Posts: 582 | From: Montreal, Quebec, Canada | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Vinnie Tesla
Member # 8041

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The word "slut" gets very interesting and creepy when you try to analyze it. If a guy calls a girl he knows a slut, that basically means he thinks she's not picky enough about who she has sex with. So he's essentially either saying: "Her standards are so low she would have sex with me," or "her standards are low, but she still wouldn't have sex with me."

Sometimes if you call someone on it, he'll try to cover himself by saying something really stupid, like "Well, I just think she can't have much self-respect if she's letting all those guys have their way with her."

You know what to say then. "So you're trying to help her self-respect by going around calling her a slut?"

The double standard is real, and it's contemptable. The good news is that once you get to college you can pick your social circles so that the amount of sexual hypocrisy you have to deal with goes waaaay down.

Posts: 21 | From: Somewhere near Boston | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 168

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In my school, girls who wear skimpy clothes are considered sluts. The other way to get slut status is to hook up with an older guy at a party. Usually, only 9th and 10th grade girls get branded as sluts. Sometimes 12th grade girls gently "inform" the younger girls that they are dressing/acting slutty, and need to tone it down, for their own good of course. Ick.

The irony is that although the implied meaning of slut is that you have many sex partners, it only counts if it's with people who go to our school. I proudly identify as a slut, but I can't seem to get my reputation to match my identity :-P No one thinks of me as a slut, but I'd rather they consider me a slut than consider some poor 9th grader a slut who would take it as an insult.

Limes Are Sublime

Posts: 1101 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 94

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"Slut" is one word that I absolutely hate. If someone uses it in a "taking it back" context, then it doesn't offend me, although I don't care to do so myself, but whenever I hear the word slut used as an insult, I get the urge to hit something with my sword, because I really think it is one of the most sexist insults I have ever heard.

Some people do use it to apply to all genders these days, but most of the time, when it is applied to a woman, it is done with more force, it is more often intended to be an insult, than when it is applied to a man. And it is still far more common for a woman to be called a slut than a man. Often, it is other women doing the name calling, which is just incredibly sad.

I hate it when used as an insult to women for several reasons. First, because it implies that women ought can be persecuted for their sexual choices. Second, because when it is used towards women for reasons other than their sexual choices (I was called a slut in 7th grade for the simple crime of not fitting in- the fact that I'd never even HELD HANDS with a guy romantically at 12 years old didn't seem to matter), it doubly reinforces the idea of sexual shame- because the best way to tell someone how ashamed that they don't fit in with social norms is to equate that with the sexual shame that a woman is "supposed" to feel when she makes sexual choices that society doesn't feel appropriate.

As I said before, I don't have anything against people trying to take the word back- I wish anyone who wants to the best of luck. But for me personally, it just has too many icky connotations, so I don't use it in any way.

Posts: 2710 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2769

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Ironically, I just started reading a book called SLUT. It's about how the word has been used negatively and how it's affected women. At the beginning of the book, they have a list of the negative words to describe men who are sexually active and then a list of the same for women. For men, there are only 3 negative words; women have a list that's half a page long.

When I hear some guys at school talking, they encourage each othe to sleep with as many girls as possible. And the faster a guy can get a girl into bed, the cooler he is. But the faster a girl gets into bed with a guy, the "sluttier" she is. It doesn't make sense to me ::sigh::.

Anyway, I encourage you all to read the book! It's very interesting.

Posts: 500 | From: Ohio, U.S.A. | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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