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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » confused...

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Author Topic: confused...
Member # 6475

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sh!mmeR!ng*staR     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
okay, for those who don't know, my body identifies me as a girl. i'm a lesbisexual, which means lesbian bisexual, and i have kind of short hair. lately i find myself hating my breasts and my pink clothes and just wanting to be a boy altogether. or if not that then just really androgynous. does this mean i'm transgender, transexual, or just weird? what should i do?

Prosperity that
the golden Muses
gave me was no
delusion: dead, I
won't be forgotten

Posts: 97 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5317

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First, don't rush into hormone therapy or anything just because you want to be male right now.

Dig around in your mind for a while. Try to figure out why you want to be a boy. Really think about it--if you ask yourself a question and answer it within a few seconds, ask "Really?"

Some good questions to start out with:
Why do you want to be a boy?
How long have you wanted it?
Do you want it permanently?
Do you want others to see you as a boy, or be seen more as a "sir--ma'am--sir... ma'am? sir?"?
Do you want to go all the way, or only stop at removing your breasts?

Remember that I'm not actually licensed for counseling anyone in any way (I'm not licensed in any way, actually--all I have is an AAS in math/science.) And don't rush into labeling yourself. It's going to be very confusing until you get it all sorted out, and you might change what you think you want to be several times.

So to summarize: give yourself some room to breathe. Best wishes

Sapphire Cat
Looks won't tell who's living inside.
Artist, poet, programmer, dreamer, and crossdressing bondage kitty

Posts: 235 | From: Louisville KY (St. Matthews) | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Icon 1 posted      Profile for kythryne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Sapphire gave you some excellent advice -- those are all good questions to ask yourself. As with all identity issues, this is a question that only you can really answer -- and trying to figure out the answer can be a very confusing process.

What I'd suggest is that you look around and see if you can find a therapist who specializes in gender issues and gender dysphoria. Talking about these things with a therapist certainly won't hurt anything, it will very likely help you sort through your questions, and if you do decide to undergo reassignment therapy to any extent, you'll need to be seeing a therapist for at least three months before you can do anything other than purely cosmetic changes.

One excellent book on trans issues is called True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism. I can't remember the author, but it's a fairly well-known book and should be easy to find. It's aimed primarily at families and friends of transpeople, but it's very clearly written and has some excellent information on the various degrees of transgenderism. You might also want to check out the website, if you haven't already.

Good luck, hon, in whatever you decide.

Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Sexpert

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey

Posts: 1685 | From: New York City | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 961

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Maybe you're just not feeling like being a boy or girl or anything pre-defined. Sometimes it's really important spending some time just being whatever you are. Having breasts can seem like a bad thing when they're stared at, and talked to instead of your face, and just seem more important to other people than the rest of you, and pink can have a lot of bad associations, but if you can realise that your body parts are a part of you and therefore a good thing, and pink can be avoided, maybe you'll feel a bit better. Devote some time to digging you, and maybe figuring out just who that is, okay? It can be tough, but the alternative is so much worse.

Why scream and shout when you know it's true?
Why fall in love when there's better things to do?

[This message has been edited by Milke (edited 05-05-2002).]

Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 8073

Icon 1 posted      Profile for charming_girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I agree with Milke. Sometimes, what a girl or a boy is supposed to be like is so defined and set in stone, that a lot of people don't really fit into it. This doesn't mean you're weird. Not many people are society's ideal female or male. Take some time to think about what you're feeling like and try to analyze it.

Posts: 27 | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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