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Author Topic: are men........
Wisher
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I know at least 2 girls who have gotten raped and almost all of my friends have been sexually harssed in a non verbal way (including my self). Are men something i should be afraid of?? most are much stronger then me and it would be easy for them to take advantage. i dont know what to think about men. do i have a reason to be cautious??
Posts: 3 | From: wappingers falls, new york, u.s. | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
golden101
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After someone is harrassed it can hard to trust anyone.

But just keep in mind that not all guys are bad. Not all guys are out to rape a girl, a lot of guys are polite and wouldn't do such a thing. There are some guys who are out for "no good" but that doesn't mean that every guy in the male population is "bad".


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[This message has been edited by golden101 (edited 07-31-2001).]


Posts: 227 | From: U.S.A | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
blackbird
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You have reason to be cautious, but that goes for any person that you don't know and don't trust. It's a good guideline to not trust someone that you don't know because even a guy who seems nice at first can just be putting on some act. It isn't just men though, one should also be cautious women also if you don't know them. Keep in mind also that a lot of sexual assaults are committed by people who know their victims, including relatives.

But no, not all humans are bad, but it is hard to distinguish which ones are out there to hurt people and who aren't. Just be careful

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Posts: 354 | From: san mateo, california, usa | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BruinDan
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Well, if it helps...I am male and decidedly non-threatening. So with this male you'd have nothing to fear.

As for being cautious, a little bit of caution never hurt anything. But there comes a point when being hyper-cautious in relatively normal or non-threatening situations can cause problems. For example, it may hinder your ability to form relationships with male friends at all. And that would be terribly unfortunate.

The important thing to keep in mind is that everybody, men and women, is different. As hard as it may be to believe, the numbers of "bad" people are far outnumbered by the numbers of "good" people who manage to go through life without raping, abusing or injuring anyone. So with the vast majority of the folks on this fine blue planet, you've got nothing to worry about. Good luck to you.

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ErinK
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And women are just as capable of harrassment, assault (including rape), and nasty things, and women do in fact harrass, assault, and act nastily.

Just felt that needed to be said.

You should trust people on an individual basis and not on the basis of what group they belong to. It's much easier that way.

Erin


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John Doe
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Its pretty sad that you think that you have to be afraid of half of the whole human race. Just because someone is mugged by a black person, should that give them cause to be a racist and be afraid of and not trust all black people?
Posts: 475 | From: ohio | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rizzo
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I have to agree with John, here. Stereotyping men is just as bad as stereotyping any other group. If you fear men, (as I did for many years, actually) you ought to spend more time around them. I'm guessing that you don't fear women because you are one, and most of your friends have been female, and therefore you know that women come in all varieties: nice, mean and in-between. Same goes for men, as you'll soon see (I hope).
Posts: 582 | From: Montreal, Quebec, Canada | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Wisher
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i'm not saying women cant do it. its just i've had a bad experience with a male more than once and i know females do it too but i'm just not concerned because i dont really see myself as a target for that kind of sexual assault. some boys are and its not fair for any gender to endure this. and i'm not steriotyping men i just wanted to know if it was ok to be cautious. i dont want to completely band men from my life i just dont like the feeling when an older man touches me in the wrong place or someone else talks to me in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable.
Posts: 3 | From: wappingers falls, new york, u.s. | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rizzo
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I apologize, Wisher, if I misunderstood. I'm very sorry for the sexual harrassment your friends have endured, and yes, you have every right to be cautious. Especially when older men touch you in places that make you feel uncomfortable. You don't have to take that from anyone.
Posts: 582 | From: Montreal, Quebec, Canada | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
John Doe
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Still, the proper response should be that those spicific men are jerks, not that men in general are jerks. I have been through hell and back with my wife. What I have been through is much worse emotionally than being touched inappropriately. Perhaps it is on a par with her friends who were raped, but even that would be a tough call to make. But, if I were to suggest here that all women are controling, manipulative, calculating, evil, greedy people, I'm sure I would be run out of here. I know that my wife does not represent the whole gender, just as those men do not represent the whole gender.
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KittenGoddess
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Well, ya know, if you spend your entire life being afraid of anyone who has a penis just because that's what equipment they happened to be born with...well, then you're going to miss out on alot of very nice people. I'd suggest that if you're afraid of being assaulted, you spend your time doing something more profitable than sitting around worrying if the next man who walks down the street is going to harass or assault you. Inform and prepare yourself so that you'll be know what to do if anyone assaults you...take a self defense class, get involved in an orgnaization that helps any victims, know the laws that protect you.

But more than anything else, don't let a fear of something like the gender of someone take up your entire life. There's alot more to life than that, and it's not worth wasting your entire life sitting around worrying about what might happen.

~KittenGoddess

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camryn
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Your friends' experiences (and your own)obviously have had an impact on your perception of the opposite sex. That's understandable. Of course it's okay for you to be cautious. There are people out there that you definitely need to steer clear of (Keep in mind that Wisher never said men in general are jerks). There are also men out there who are trying to stop this kind of thing from happening:
http://www.mencanstoprape.org.

So be cautious but don't be fearful. Do things that will reinforce a feeling of safety (like KittenGoddess suggested).

[This message has been edited by camryn (edited 08-13-2001).]


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lgray
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Hey I skimmed through some of the responses, and a lotta ppl pretty much said that "yes, it is unfair to be scared or hate men," blah blah blah. Well, they've never been raped have they? Neither have I, but even though it's hard you shouldn't shy away from all men, but after going through such traumatic episodes, I think it's fair to say it's OK to want to take things slow, and maybe not be quite as social or trusting as other girls who haven't been assualted may be. And it's defiantley OK to have a HEALTHY fear of certain men, trust your gut about certain situations that involve being alone (you know the dark parking lot late at night!) etc. I used to work at a resturant that got robbed, after that all employees had a "buddy" walk them to their cars at night when they left... that's just being safe.... etc. So, know not all guys are bad or evil... but many are! BE CAREFUL!!!
Posts: 62 | From: Raleigh, NC, USA | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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