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Author Topic: What the heck do these feelings mean?!?!
ILoveRyanSeacrest29
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Okay, I'm 16 and I'm a sophmore in high school...and let's just say, I'm a tad bit confused with my sexual orientation.

First off, I've always been attracted to guys. I always considered myself 'straight' and in a way I still think that I am, but I'm starting to really question that. I am best friends with a girl named Brittany and I can't help but want to become more than friends with her. It's not that I'm attracted to all girls all of a sudden...just her. I still like guys a lot too though. A part of me wants and hopes that she feels the same way, but then again I'm almost sure that she doesn't. I'm so confused!

Every minute that I spend with her, I'm happy...and when I'm not with her I can't stop thinking about her. She's even ended up in a few of my fantasies/dreams. I had this one dream only about a week or two ago, and in it, she pushed me up against a wall and lifted me up alittle and wrapped my legs around her waist. In the dream I gave her a really confused look and she said "I know we both want to." and then right afterwards we started making out. I'm starting to wonder if this would have any meaning that could pertain to reality...?

We've talked about lesbians and gays before, and she's said that she thinks it's wrong and both of us believe that it's not right and against God. (She's very religious.) When we've talked about that topic though, it's never really pertained to us...it was just something that came up that we ended up talking about. But I'm not sure if I feel the same anymore...I mean, if being gay would be against God, then why is it even a possibility!? If being gay were just about sex then I can see why it would be wrong, but if you can't help being gay because you really love someone...then it should be okay right? It's not my fault that I happen to love someone of the same sex as me!

We've been in situations before, that I couldn't help but wonder if it would be ok to kiss her. There's just so many reasons that I think if we ended up in a relationship it would be fine and completely right, but then again I can't see us ever working out. Both of our parents would be against it...especially hers. We once went to a concert thing at school and she mentioned that she wished this one guy that she had a crush on was there and she was like "or I could just pretend that you were him." and she put her arm around me. Ya know when you're really attracted to someone and any physical contact makes your heart beat really fast and your stomach twists into knots? Yeah, well that's what I felt like. I've dated guys before and the first time that that has ever happened was when I was with Brittany. Does that mean anything? When we were sitting there and she had her arm around me she took her arm out from around me and said that if I actually was a guy I should have *my* arm around her. So I put my arm around her and she put her head on my shoulder and then looked at me right in the eyes and for like a split second we were silent. (good thing it was dark in the auditorium thing because if the lights were on and anyone would've seen that...well, they probably would jump to conclusions) Anyways, then I think we both realized how weird that probably looked so we quickly separated and laughed it off like it was a big joke. But I just wish I could know if she feels the same way I do.

I don't really know what to do. I want to be with her, and maybe start a relationship with her but then again I don't because I think it would be too weird. I'm so torn! I don't really know what to think anymore! Does anyone have any advice for me? Please....


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hwyl
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Wow, so there are a lot of questions there. Personally, I think that sexuality is all part of a spectrum, and it can be very confining to attempt to label yourself as just one thing when you're young and then follow that until you're old.

You seem to be asking if you should act on your feelings for your friend and honestly... no. She's expressed that she is not only not interested in the idea of lesbianism, but that she finds it repellant on a personal and religious level. If you really need her to know that lately you have been thinking about her as "more than a friend", then that's your decision to make, but think about what it could mean for your existing friendship and the future of your relationship. She's not interested, at least not right now. She seems to have fairly cemented feelings on homosexuality, and though you may disagree with them, it's hard to argue that they exist.

As hard as it is to be attracted to a straight friend (um, welcome to my world), it’s not realistic to expect her to instantly change her views to date you. If you want to start talking to her about the fact that you think you might like a girl and that you’re not sure that G-d is against homosexuality, that might be good for both of you, but your goal shouldn’t be to get her to a place where you two can kiss– at least not yet. She has a lot more to overcome before she can consider that, nd even if she comes to feel in her heart of hearts that there is nothing wrong with being gay, it doesn’t mean that she’ll necessarily be interested in you in that way.

Good luck.

------------------

quote:
Vagina is for lovers.

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ILoveRyanSeacrest29
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Yeah, I understand what you're saying and I kind of figured that that's the reply I would get to my questions.

It's not so much that I'm confused about my feelings exactly, it's more so that I'm confused about her feelings and the whole thing in general I guess. (I'll try to explain that in case it didn't make any sense lol) Okay, it's like the way I believe she feels about me changes every day or... w/e. Yesterday was one of the type of days that it would've been hard to convince myself that she would be *against* being gay/liking me as more than a friend. She got really touchy feely towards me and in gym class we played football and I had gotten the ball but I had thrown it before she had gotten to me and she came running up to me and put her arms around me and sort of gave me this big hug and she was like "I'm gonna tackle you." and so I said "...but I already threw the ball." and she's like "I know, but I'm gonna tackle you cuz I love you." and she whispered that right in my ear. That's what gets me so confused! She likes to joke around but she usually doesn't joke around with me that much, and at first I was like 'okay, she's probably just kidding and she could be all touchy feely with other people too..' ya know? but she isn't..! at least not what I've seen. And as much as I wish that she wasn't kidding, I know that I can't exactly chance the fact that there's probably a bigger posibility that she is just joking around. And then today she wasn't as touchy feely and all that like she was yesterday... It's kind of weird. And really hard to understand any hints that she *might* be giving out.

One more thing. She said that she was against lesbianism/gays and stuff a while ago. Things can change. (I'm not going to get my hopes up just yet though) Anyways, I know she's very religious but I thought I was too, ya know? and the last time we talked about that I didn't exactly say what I actually thought and I mean...what if she was doing the same thing...? And I think that if we *do* actually *both* feel the same, I don't really think that either one of us would have enough courage to straight out tell the other person...*screams* Man this sucks! (lol) I'm trying not to let myself get too attatched or anything because that just wouldn't be good if it didn't work out. Hmm, one other quick note: last week or so, we were talking about love or something from this quote we heard in english class and I believe it was something along the lines of "It's better to love someone you can't have, than to have someone you can't love." and Brittany was trying to explain something and said "that would be like me being a lesbian. I *could* love that other person but then again I *couldn't* because my parents would be against it." and she was saying that she wouldn't be able to just because of her parents...nothing about God. And now when we talk about that she usually doesn't bring God into the conversation.

Oh well. What do you think about that? (sorry I wrote so much) I felt like I kinda needed to. Thanks much for the advice from before. I really appreciate it! I'll let you all know if anything changes...


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hwyl
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It's really easy, when you like someone, to distort their actions. It's not willful, it's just that someone accidentally touching your hand just means more when you feel something special about the person. What you have disctribed doesn't sound to me like overt "I like you as more than a friend" stuff.

Like I said before, even if she feels the same things towards you, she's evidently not ready to act upon those feelings, or even to voice them. You'd probably be better off casting your net elsewhere-- with someone with whom you will have a better chance of a reciproical relationship.

I know, easier said than done, but I think that it will be easier on you of you confront and accept the fact that she's not interested. Gay relationships are just just like straight in that it takes more than pining to make it work.


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Kelsey
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OMG, this is sooooo weird! I know exactly where you are coming from. My friend Dakota is the same way! I fell DEEP in love with her and I still am. I have talked to her before about being gay and she says she's not. But, she is so "friendly". She was on me so much at the end of last years school year, that everybody, and I do mean everybody, thought we were together. Finally, when someone asked me if we were and I told them we weren't, they said,"Then why is she always rubbing all over you?" I just said that I didn't know what they were talkin about. The fact is though I do know what they were talking about. Everywhere we go she wants to hold my hand and sit in my lap.
So,finally I told her about my feelings toward her. And she reacted like she didn't see this coming AT ALL!!! I said,"how could you not have seen it coming, YOU led ME on." It angered me so bad because she led me on for over a year. She said that she was straight. I am now mending a broken heart, but I will be fine. Oh yeah, by the way, I am in the closet, but if I were to come out, I would be the only outed person in my school. I guess thats what I get for living in Alabama, right?

------------------
Girl from Bama


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ILoveRyanSeacrest29
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hwyl: Thanks for all the advice. The first paragraph in your last post makes tons of sense. I was thinking about that and that's definately true.

Kelsey: Wow. I'm glad to find someone has gone through the same thing as me, almost.

I think I'm actually over this whole thing now though. I've learned a lot from this whole situation. I definately have a newfound respect for gays/lesbians, because I know what it's like to have feelings like that towards someone else who just happens to be the same sex as you. I still am kind of fighting with myself about the God issue...but I just try not to think about it.

Umm...just last week there were supposedly people trying to protest someone's funeral because they thought the person that had died was gay. My mom was talking to me and getting all defensive and saying things like "he wasn't gay!..he had a girlfriend!" and I started getting kind of mad at her because it was like it was horrible if he would've been gay and that he was a "good" person so there's no way he would have been gay. I just told her not to talk about it anymore because if he was gay, what would it matter? That was his choice to make not everyone else's and they should leave it alone.

Anyways...I've gotten over the fact that Brittany probably won't ever feel the same way about me as I do about her and that even if she did, she most likely wouldn't act on those feelings. It took me a while to accept that...but I've also come to realize that even if we did become to be more than friends and we would be open about our feelings toward each other (if that ever happened) I don't think I would be strong enough to be outted and to have everyone know. At least not where I live now. The only way I think I would feel somewhat comfortable about everyone knowing is if we both lived in a big city where no one knew us. And that's just not good either. But the fact of the matter, is right now, that shows no signs of happening so I'm letting go. No, I'm not saying that I don't still like Brittany that way, because well, I still really do, but as long as she's my friend I can be happy with that. I love and care about her so much and I definately know the meaning of the phrase "If you're happy, I'm happy." because that is exactly how I feel. I've come to see that Brittany's happy right now with the way things are...and so am I. We had gotten in a fight not to long before school ended and to show me how mad she was, she ignored me and basically acted as if we had never even been friends. That hurt. Soooo bad. It almost brings tears to my eyes now. I cried so much when it happened and when I saw her look at me and it wasn't the pleasant 'you're still my friend' look, I could literally feel my heart shatter into a million pieces. We've patched it all up though and having that happen made me realize how much I don't want to lose her...so if all we end up being is friends...I'm 100% okay with that.

There is still a tiny bit of hope left in me that I can't seem to get rid of...but oh well. It doesn't bother me every minute of every day anymore so I'll deal with it. lol

Thanks for all the advice though!


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emochickie7
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Wow, just to warn you this reply will probably be long but.. your situation is really similar to mine, although I'm not sure about how I'm feeling about anything. I know I like guys and I'm physically attracted to guys. But, I don't know, our friendship just seems to be more than a friendship sometimes.

I have a friend who I've known since we were little kids, but we didn't actually become friends til about 8th grade. I just finished grade 11 and throughout last summer and this year we've become pretty good friends.. probably best friends.

Well, since last year (grade 10) we started getting closer and that was great. Ever since then, she's always been pretty touchy with me on some days and then less touchy on other days. And.. I doubt she's TRYING to hint anything.. but would she be doing this stuff just because? Or does she have some types of feelings and she is just doing this stuff because she feels comfortable? I probably don't make sense but.. yeah. Anyways, before I become even more vague.. I can explain some of those times when she's gotten really touchy. It started out with stuff like sitting in each other's laps or laying with her head on my lap or something, which didn't really mean much by itself. But, throughout this school year more stuff has happened. When we walked to classes together in the hallway, sometimes we would link arms, and sometimes she would grab my hand and we would hold hands all the way to the next class. Another day we were in a store in a mall and looking at clothes. I had my hands at my side, standing normally, and as she walked by she stroked my palm.. it drove me crazy! I tried walking away but she did it again so I gave in and held onto her hand. Right after that she went behind me and wrapped one of her arms around me and rested it on my stomach. There have been plenty of other times when we're at school, at home, etc. that she's done the wrapping her arms around me thing. Also, there have been many other times when I'm just sitting doing something and she'll reach for my hand and hold it. One day at lunch during the school year, she leaned over and kissed my cheek for no reason! And another time, she played the "closer" game or whatever it's called where you keep leaning in closer and closer to someone and asking if they're scared. Well she did it and came REALLY close so I turned away. Then as soon as I turned back to her she did it again and would have kissed me if I didn't turn suddenly to the side.. I didn't move because I didn't think she would come that close again!

I know all of this.. "behavior" might just mean she's really touchy feely or something, but I don't know if that's what it is or what. It's not just what she does, but the way she does it. Some of our friends have even said we seem like lesbians sometimes with the way we act towards each other. All the other stuff that I said happened isn't even all of it.. there are plenty of other little things too but I can't think of them all right now.

I know she's into guys too.. she is obsessed with famous guys and it's obvious by how she talks about them/acts when someone mentions them. However, whenever people mention someone else being gay or something, she always just says "I could never be gay because I like guys too much!"

I just.. don't know what is going through her mind and if she even realizes what she is doing.


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Kelsey
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Emochickie7,
your story is identical to mine. She is the exact same way, but she says she loves guys to much to be gay. She always wants to sleep with me holding her when i stay with her, or she always wants to hold my hand. One day i gave her a goodbye hug and when i leaned in she kissed me. Just a pop kiss. She said "oops, Sorry!" She knows i am gay and she still does it. People think we go out. She has never tried making out with me or anything, but she is SO touchy feely. Don't get me wrong, I like it, but if she wants me i want her to try. Only two people know i am gay and she is one of them. People in school come up to me and ask me if she is gay and i tell them no. They don't think I'm gay, they just think she's gay and she wants me. Believe me, I want to be with her so bad. I love her. But she says she's not gay, so what am I suppose to do? nothing? But if she is not gay, I do want her to stop acting like she wants to be with me. I need help!!!

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hayley_loves_ya
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i know how you feel!Doesn't matter if you are gay, straight,bi or whatever, the fact is some people just love to flirt with people who they know likes them, even if they have no interest in the person at all. it sounds to me like your friend likes messing about (flirting and teasing) with you rather than her actually being attracted to you.I have realised recently that i am bi,the same old story as everyone else on this topic, i really like guys n have been with loads of guys but have this one girl that i reallly like. i am not going to go in to all the details because it is the same prob as everyone, i really like her alot n we are gd frds n have been for 4 years n she is really touching feely you no all that holding your hand breathing on your neck leaning on you, saying things like "awh u no u like it" in a joke way if she does sumfin, all that stuff, but i will never talk to her about it because i think that she just likes to flirt with me (although she n no one else knows that i like girls as well as guys) and thats just the kind of person she is. to think of it as anything more than that wud b silly, just getting my hopes built up for nothing, don't you agree. I just wish that it was different, i can never be 100% sure she isn't bi ( she definately likes guys) because we have never talked about it but im pretty sure she is 100% straight despite the way she acts around me, do you not agree that its just flirting and no attraction at all? if i thot there was then it wud b very different because i have very strong feelingd sofr her, but im just trying to be realistic and that way if nothing hapens (which i doubt ever will) then i wont b hurt). I am mean tto b answering your problems and got caught in my own sorry i hope my advice at the start of the post was helpful. If anyone has any thoughts about my probs it would be great if you could tell me then! sorry i wrote so much ,you dont realise how much your writing till its finished
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emochickie7
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blah.. well today was one of those days when my friend was just realllly.. the opposite of her touchy-feely self. i don't get it. sometimes she flips out and says i'm being awkward or tells me to stop if i'm just like goofing around and hitting her foot with mine. but then she does whatever she wants and expects me to go along with it.. it just really annoys me. sorry if i'm being annoying by posting this on here but.. i can't really tell anyone else lol.. so yes that is all for now!
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ILoveRyanSeacrest29
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Just to warn you all, I feel like talking and I'm a bit over-tired so bare with me because I have a feeling this may be long.

emochickie7: *"Ever since then, she's always been pretty touchy with me on some days and then less touchy on other days. And.. I doubt she's TRYING to hint anything.. but would she be doing this stuff just because? Or does she have some types of feelings and she is just doing this stuff because she feels comfortable? I probably don't make sense but.. yeah."*

Actually...you make tons of sense. lol On some days Brittany would hardly take her concentration away from me because she was just goofing around and being all touchy (hugging me, putting her arm around me when we walk down the hall...lots more that I can't really think of right at this moment. After all, it is like 2 in the morning where I live. lol) But anyways, then on some other days I mean she would still talk to me but there would be not as much touching and the things she said weren't as easily translated into any form of innuendo. Okay, now I think I'm the one not making any sense. lol It didn't take long until I'd wake up every morning hoping for one of those really touchy feely days. But hey, can you blame me? (lol) There could be that small posibility that she could be hinting towards something but right now I think it's just what some people do. Kind of like a personality I guess. Ya know? It's like these people become really good friends with us (or to anyone else possibly for that matter) so I'm thinking that's just what they do when they feel really comfortable or something. Follow?

emochickie7: *"It started out with stuff like sitting in each other's laps or laying with her head on my lap or something, which didn't really mean much by itself. But, throughout this school year more stuff has happened. When we walked to classes together in the hallway, sometimes we would link arms, and sometimes she would grab my hand and we would hold hands all the way to the next class."*

Hmm, we've never really sat in each other's laps, or had each other's head in our laps. I guess a few times it maybe came close where either I or Brittany could have sat in each other's lap, but we both figured it'd look wierd so we just never did I guess. We were never much for holding hands either, but nearly any chance she got we were walking down the hall with our arms around each other's shoulders. That was always nice. I can't complain. OMG and this one time at one of our softball practices, it was freezing outside and I hadn't brought along a sweatshirt or anything because I was sure we would be practicing inside. Anyways, I was standing there in the field during one of our outfielding drills and I mentioned how cold I was and Brittany came over to me (she was wearing a nice warm sweatshirt), wrapped her arms around me and hugged me really close, and whispered in my ear, "I'll warm you up." (in a really seductively kind of raise-one-eye-brow voice) My mouth nearly dropped. Either that or I smiled really big. lol Well, turns out she didn't do very well at whispering because someone heard it and they were all like 'ewwww!' But as usual we just laughed it off...but it's almost like, why would she even say that? She must of thought about it before hand, because I mean you don't just impulsively walk up to someone and say that! Right? Oh well...

emochickie7: *"One day at lunch during the school year, she leaned over and kissed my cheek for no reason!"*

I once had a girl do that to me. It wasn't Brittany...wow, I think I would have died and went to heaven if *she* would've. Ahem...it was a girl on my softball team...I don't really remember why she did it but whatever I guess. lol I think she was bringing up the time when Brittany whispered that thing to me like I mentioned before. Yep. That would make sense.

emochickie7: *"And another time, she played the "closer" game or whatever it's called where you keep leaning in closer and closer to someone and asking if they're scared. Well she did it and came REALLY close so I turned away. Then as soon as I turned back to her she did it again and would have kissed me if I didn't turn suddenly to the side.. I didn't move because I didn't think she would come that close again!"*

I've never heard of that game before. Just curious...would you have cared if she kissed you? I was just asking because that kind of thing has happened to me too. We were in a class (she was sitting in front of me and I was leaning forward kind of) and she leaned back to look at me. We got to talking about something (can't exactly remember what) and then she looked me right in the eyes really close and even said, "kiss me..." As she moved closer I turned away so she wouldn't...but now that I think about it, WHY inthenameofeverythingholy would I have done that? There's no doubt that I wouldn't have wanted to, you know? But I still turned away so she couldn't. Umm...I apologize for that quick little rant thing. Maybe I'm not making much sense... *scratches head*

emochickie7: *"I just.. don't know what is going through her mind and if she even realizes what she is doing."*

Same here. I've even mentioned to her once how awesome it would be to be able to read minds. She gave me this weird kind of suspicious look that at the time I immediately turned it into something it most likely wasn't...but now I just pass it off that anyone could've given me a look like that.

Kelsey: *"She always wants to sleep with me holding her when i stay with her"*

Anytime I'd stay over at Brittany's house we'd usually end up sleeping really close. And then one time we ended up being the only two still awake and she rolled over onto where I was laying (we had all stayed on the floor in her attic) and kept touching me. I'm a really ticklish person so she immediately thought it was like a game (lol) and then, she ended up touching my boobs and she used the excuse that she couldn't really see because she had taken her contacts out and her glasses weren't on. Okay, what really frustrates me right now kind of, is that I was just so nervous when she was doing that or w/e so I never really gave into it. I mean I was laughing and whatnot, but if I would have showed more of an interest and tickled her back or something would something else have happened?? Would she have felt *more* comfortable with some stuff?? IDK...It's so confusing.

Kelsey: *"But she says she's not gay, so what am I suppose to do? nothing?"*

Okay...I'm probably not the best one to be giving out that kind of advice. Considering the fact that I'd almost want you to talk to her more and maybe ask her to give it a shot. Just to see, ya know? And that probably isn't a good thing to do...but since I'm just a bit curious as to how that would turn out...that's what I would tell you to do. Again, please don't listen to that...unless you really truly want to because I'd hate for it to go over bad and have it be my fault because I told you it would be a good idea. So, otherwise...I'm completely lost on that one. That's still one of my questions.

hayley_loves_ya: *"saying things like "awh u no u like it" in a joke way if she does sumfin"*

Exactly. The whole, "you know you want to/like it" phrase. Very familiar with that one.

hayley_loves_ya: *"I am mean tto b answering your problems and got caught in my own sorry i hope my advice at the start of the post was helpful."*

Don't worry about it. Sometimes hearing all about other people's stories helps put your own into different perspectives. It was helpful. Thanks.


Wow, this is sooooooo long. haha and I am way tired right now. I should really be going to bed, but I had to post on this. I also kind of have a new problem. Okay, just this last weekend Brittany went to a party at a guy's house. It wasn't really a party...it was only her, two guys, and one of her other friends (girl). (I don't really like that other girl, but I'm not going to get into that...that's a whole 'nother problem...trust me.) Anyways, today she called me up and was telling me the whole story and said that she had made out and whatnot with the one guy that was there that she likes. They were all drinking I guess...and when Brittany was tellling me this she was like, "Oh yeah, I kind of made out with someone else too." I was just silent, then she said, "I'll give you a hint. There were only 4 people there and it wasn't with the other guy." My mouth dropped and I shouted the girls name. (SHE MADE OUT WITH A GIRL!!) :O It's normal for me to feel jealous right? I mean, they just did it because they thought it was funny or whatever at the time and because both the guys were watching so...you do the math. (lol) ...and then I have to sit and listen to that?! When I'm the one who really wanted to in the first place!??! (She never knew that...nor she probably never will...but still!) *hmph* .........any thought's on that one?


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hayley_loves_ya
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hey im just goin to try and write very little. I feel terrible for you, if that had happened me i would be sooo mad. does this not tell you though that britney may be undecided about her sexuality ie she might be bi after all. I think you should really talk to her about it, just ask her if it was just a one off drunken thing, or is it something she is going to do often, f she says the 2nd option that might be the perfect chance to finally tell her how you feel about her and evrything you have been feeling lately. Chances are if it does turn out that she likes girls as weel as guys then there is a good chance that she may have feelings for you by the way she is acting. If she tells you it was a one off thing then maybe you should leave it for now and not mention anything because you dont want to ruin the friendship you have now. well good luck with your problem, i believe that if it is meant to be it will work out in the end.

Now ofr my problem (just very quick i promise) well as you may or may not no im form northern ireland n we get our summer holidays on the 30th of june (unfair for all you english i no) anyways this means i dont c her as much as i wud if i was at skol every day so really things have been put on hold, i have only been with her once, we went down town ( she was looking very gd lol) and she was her normal flirty smiley self which i was quite pleased about but other people were there so there was no way i could talk to her about anything i really wanted to n if we were alone i still dont no if i wud have the guts 2 say anything to her. What do yuo think i shud do 2 move the situation along or should i just forget about all summer which i really dont want to do! Thanks for allyuor help so far, you r all great


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ILoveRyanSeacrest29
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Okay, you know what I had said a few posts back about being over this whole thing and accepting it? Yeah, well, in a way I've still accepted it...but only to a point because the feelings kind of got all stirred up again. *sighs*

In a way, I am kind of mad at that whole situation, but then again maybe this is what I need to finally be able to have the chance to talk to her about it. I still think she's straight, but then if I think about it maybe she could be questioning everything. She had called me yesterday a little before noon and we were just talking about various stuff. Then all of a sudden she said, "we should go out to eat somewhere." I asked her where, and she mentioned the chicken place that the one guy works at that she likes. I said, "sure, you just want to go there so you can see him. I see how it is." (jokingly) Then, she said, "Well, yeah I want to see him, but seriously, I want to see you too." I told her thanks and that I wanted to see her also, but I probably wouldn't be able to go into town for lunch, but I thought I had to go into town later for something with my mom so if I was going to, I told her I'd call her. Then she said, "Your mom could always drop you off at my house, so then she could run her arrands while you stay here." I told her I wished I could but I had to go over to my grandma's to help clean and basically I had to be along the whole time. She almost seemed disappointed. We talked a bit more and then hung up. My mom and I got ready a little later and before we left I called Brittany. I told her I was coming into town and we had to go to a few places first but then I'd drop off her cd that I had burned for her a few days ago. She said that'd be great. When I got to her house I went inside and gave her the cd. (She looked great by the way...now I know why I miss school so much already, because during the summer I hardly see her but during school I get to see her at least 5 days a week.) We talked for a bit and she showed me some pictures that we had taken together not too long ago. My mom was outside talking with her dad and her brother and sister were in the kitchen so it was just us alone in the living room. She then walked over by the stairs (her and her sisters bedroom are up there) and said, "I thought I had to tell you something else but now I can't remember." I followed her up the stairs and when we got to her room it all seemed really awkward. And no one really said anything and she kept looking at me like she wanted to say something but then soon she just said, "...Let's see what songs are on this cd." Now that I think about it I regret not saying anything. Maybe not something very serious or anything, but a simple, "what's on your mind?" or "did you want to say something?" would have worked. *smacks forehead* It's too late now, but I'm still going to call her today sometime and ask her about the kissing thing. Thanks for the advice hayley_loves_ya! I'll be sure to do that.

Well, I definitely think you shouldn't forget about it all summer. Maybe the distance away from each other could be good because then when you finally see each other your relationship could have grown. Maybe I didn't explain that too well, but you know that saying, "distance makes the heart grow fonder." ? Well, that's what I'm trying to say. So, instead, just call her on the phone to chat once in while and work out something so you two can hang out more often seeing as school is out. I'm not really sure how to move the sitution along...maybe it has to do that on it's own. I'm not sure. But you know, just try to stay close during the summer and see what happens.


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hayley_loves_ya
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yeh i think i will just have to do that, there isnt really much else i can do. I really miss her when i dont see her everyday like i would when i was at school.i really dont no what things will be like after i havent seen her for a bit, but for all i know, she could have no idea there is anything at all going on. She prob doesnt n just thinks that the way she acts (explained in earlier posts flirty etc) is just normal. i really dont no anymore.

iloveryan, your situation seems to be alot better than mine, it seems it has moved along a bit, im just going to give the same advice as before, talk to her about everything once she has said how she feels about the kiss and go form there. You seem to be really close so im sure whatever happens, itll be fine in the end.talk to her about it then let me know how it goes. Thanks for your advice before but im afraid im not getting anywere :s


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emochickie7
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iloveryan, like hayley said..i'm glad things for you are.. getting better/clarified/you know what i mean. :-P and here i go talking about myself again but.. i feel like recently with my situation, my friend is being a lot less touchy and stuff like she used to be. i don't really mind it, but it's sorta :-(.. i don't know if she just stopped because she thought i was getting weirded out or what.. but hmm maybe i'll try being more huggy or whatever around her and see what happens.. haha i sound like a dork.. but yeah that's about it for now!
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ILoveRyanSeacrest29
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Well, I couldn't call her whatever day it was that I said I was going to. And then I did talk to her on the phone once but we were talking about stuff wayyyy off of the whole girl kissing thing so it'd be kind of weird and off topic for me to ask her. Then yesterday I had to drive my younger cousins to a sports thing and my aunt told me to find something to do in town for an hour so I could pick them up after they were done. I dropped them off and then I called Brittany. She answered and asked me what was up. I told her that I had about 45 minutes with nothing to do and I had my aunt's van. She said kind of all flirty like "...and what did you have on your mind?" I just said, "well, you know, I was just wondering if you wanted to do something." I ended up going to her house and we went driving around. Then we decided to go to the grocery store that one of our other friends work at because we wanted to say hi. I don't really know my way through the back streets of town and I was stopped at a stopsign where right in front of the street is a building and then you almost have to turn in order to go "straight" because the road turns weird. (make any sense?) Well, anyways, we got into a friendly argument over the whole straight thing and whether you should put on your blinker or whatnot. Then, (I can't exactly remember what I started to say), but it had soemthing to do with the word "straight" and Brittany was like "I am straight" and I didn't really know what to say besides the fact that I was concentrating on driving, but I said, "I am too." Then she just kept on talking about it and she said, "if I wasn't straight I'd do stuff with you." I can't believe I didn't say anything to that! But I was turning and watching where I was going and yeah, I didn't want to get in an accident. Then I had brought up the whole thing about her kissing that one other girl and I said something like "that didn't stop you from making out with [girl's name]." Well, it turns out Brittany never even wanted to do that. The other girl had kept asking her and at the time Brittany kept saying no, but then finally one of the guys got annoyed and said "just do it already and get it over with" So she did. So I don't know. I was gone all day today and she called me but since I wasn't home I didn't get a chance to talk to her. I guess she's going somewhere this weekend so I probably won't get to talk to/see her at all until maybe Sunday or Monday. I was thinking I could almost say something like "Remember when we went driving around and we were talking about being straight?...Well, did you say that if you weren't straight you'd do stuff with me?...If you ever change your mind, let me know." I'm not sure though. It sounded like a really good idea when I had first thought of it...but now I'm not sure. At least I have all weekend to think about it. And I was thinking I could invite her along with my mom and I on a shopping trip on Monday. Then maybe I could talk to her then. What do you all think? I also told my mom about my feelings for Brittany because I needed someone else to talk to. I made her promise not to talk to anyone else about it. She actually took it better than I thought she did. She also said that if that's my choice she'll try her best to accept it.

hayley_loves_ya, I understand what it's like to feel as if the situation isn't getting anywhere. The only thing I can tell you is just give it time. Things evolve with time and maybe they don't always evolve the way you want them to but I believe that everything happens for a reason.

emochickie7, you're not a dork. lol I've thought that same thing before. ('maybe if I put my arm around her more often...' or 'I could hug her more...")

I hope everything works out for both of you.


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emochickie7
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Ok so.. last night my friend has his birthday party. Towards the end of the night there was a bunch of people laying on the trampoline and of course i was next to my friend. So I went to put my head on her stomach/chest to get more comfortable and she said "now you're my pumpkin" (she calls me that when she's saying bye and whatever) and I was just like.. ok. Then randomly throughout like half an hour sometimes we would be holding hands or she would be like gently squeezing my fingertips. But I was just like whatever because it didn't really seem like anything. But then later.. I was just laying staring into space, and I swear she like turned her head towards mine and was looking at me. I wasn't sure if she was at first but I could "sense" it or whatever a few times (I couldn't REALLY see it that well because it was dark and I couldn't compeletely see her eyes). So finally one of the times I looked up at her and smiled or said something or whatever and when I looked up she was already looking at me. So I don't know if she was just looking for fun or because she thought I was upset since I was so quiet or what.

To be honest, even when we were laying on the trampoline and stuff, it just felt like whatever (as in.. it didn't feel like anything).. which is sort of relieving. But yeah.. just writing on here because I can't really say any of this to anyone else!


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PunchyFDL
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the answer is simple, yet very complex.

you cannot help how you feel. my suggestion is to go with it. ive been there a few times, but its just fantasy for me. like i like thinking about it, but it really doesnt work for me.

that may or may not be your case, but either way good luck!

------------------
The preceeding has been a message from the desk of Punchy, otherwise known as the Punchmaster Jay, Kain, Prince of Wrath, Angel of Fury, and Loyal Guardian of His Omnipotence.

He is Risen. Lord Christ is Risen indeed!


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ILoveRyanSeacrest29
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Hmm. I've been thinking about what I had wanted to say. I don't think I want to say the whole "if you change your mind, let me know" because then I'm totally giving myself away. You know? Instead I was thinking I could say (not over the phone, it would have to be in person), "I still can't believe you made out with [girl's name]." (laughing) ...then whatever Brittany says and I'll somehow sneak in, "so, if I asked you to makeout with me, would you?" You know, kind of being like 'okay, you made out with her...what about me' in a sort of joking sort of serious way. I think I'd rather say that instead because then if she looks like "ewww!" then I could just say I was only joking...and if she looks all flirty and whatnot, well, you get the picture. She can't come shopping with me tomorrow, which in a way is probably a good thing because I think I'm getting a cold sore. Ick. I just hope I can see her later this week. *crosses fingers*

Sorry for blabbing on and on again but like emochickie said "I can't really say any of this to anyone else!" :S


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Courtney5.21.05
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Im Straight. But ive had sexually experiences with another chick i personally think its normal to experiment!
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emochickie7
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Lol ILoveRyan, you have no idea how glad I am that I found this message board, and, more importantly, this thread. And I guess we don't have to worry about "blabbing on" any more since that's pretty much what the thread is for anyway! But yeah besides that.. no real updates except today there wasn't really any progress or anything at all because I was PMS-y and just not caring lol. So yeah, ciao!
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mizzzthang
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iloveryan ...thats a good idea yur smooth just sneak that question in casually! haha good luck !
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ILoveRyanSeacrest29
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quote:
Originally posted by emochickie7:
Lol ILoveRyan, you have no idea how glad I am that I found this message board, and, more importantly, this thread.

Same here! lol

Well, I have a story for you all. (I'm going to post it in 2 posts because this thing isn't working and I'm seeing if it'll work if I do that)...Friday, Brittany and I went to our freshman softball coach's wedding. That was fun. When I got to her house she was all dressed up and I was literally like and ...anyway, afterwards we went back to her house and her mom, dad and little brother had left. Me and Brittany were standing in her kitchen and she looked out the window and noticed that the other van was gone. She smiled at me and was like, "It's just me and you, and my younger sister. She's upstairs so she's not gonna pay any attention to what we're doing." Of course my minds going crazy thinking "OMG. What are we going to do??" Well, not a minute later her mom came back and said we were going out to eat if we were hungry and that her dad and brother were already at the restraunt.

Oh I forgot to mention something else from when we were at the wedding! Okay, before it started and everything we were just sitting there talking and she was constantly like whispering to me. And she was sitting really close so when she'd whisper in my ear I could feel her breathing on my neck and...sorry. I'm done blabbing.

Anyways, we ate and went shopping at Walmart, so by the time we got back to her house it was close to 7 or 8. (can't remember) We went up to her room and we stayed up there just talking and listening to music until past 9. My mom called my cell phone and was wondering if it would be okay if I spent the night. I was thrilled because I know Brittany gets really touchy feely at night and she's more open about things, I guess that's what you'd call it. So Brittany said it was fine with her so she asked her mom and it was all set. We sat on her bed just talking and calling people with my cell phone. She likes this one guy that she did stuff with the night she made out with that other girl. Well, I'm starting to get the hint that she's about as obsessed with this guy as I am about her. (She wants to talk to him all the time, she misses him when she can't, she says she can't stop thinking about him...etc. You get the hint.) So, we were trying to call his house for about an hour or more because she wanted to talk to him, but we never got a hold of him. I never asked her that question about her making out with that girl. I just couldn't. Not then anyway. But I did ask her who all knew about it. I was the only other person that wasn't at the party that knew. She said, "Unless [one of the other 3 people] told anyone else, you're the only other person that knows." That made me feel special. I mean, of all her other friends, she trusted to tell me and only me. Well, then I told her that "[someone else] might know because when we were talking about it, she had said 'at least she didn't do anything with [girl's name].' And I must not have said anything soon enough she she figured it out." Brittany wasn't mad but she was just wondering if the other girl sounded disappointed in her. I said I didn't think she really cared she was just surprised. Well, then I found out that Brittany had made out with that other girl TWICE at the party. The first time was when Brittany had gone upstairs to use the bathroom or something and the other girl followed her and Brittany made out with her in the bathroom so the other girl would stop asking her I guess. Well, they had left the door wide open and one of the guys had seen part of it I guess so then they made out again downstairs for the guys to watch. Ain't that interesting? lol


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ILoveRyanSeacrest29
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So, then it was around 10 and by then we were both laying on her bed and talking. It was really nice. Her sister and brother came upstairs to her room then and wanted to know if we would be coming out to sleep in the tent in their backyard. Brittany said we would but to "leave us alone for a while." We ended up talking until a little past 11 and then we got ready to go outside in the tent. I waited downstairs while Brittany ran back up to grab a few pillows and blankets for us and then as we were walking outside you will not believe what she asked me.

Brittany: So, you wanna do something tonight?
Me: (I knew what she meant by 'something') Like what?
Brittany: You wanna makeout with me? (she didn't sound serious)
Me: (I didn't want to sound overly eager lol) If you want to.
Brittany: (as she's unzipping the tent) You're my only other option right now.

Well, we set up in the tent and goofed around for a while. She was laying right next to me (we were both lying on our backs) and she outstretched her arm so it was laying over my chest. She asked me if it bothered me. I said it didn't because I was used to it, since just about everytime I stay the night she ends up laying on me. (lol) She moved her arm off of me and then it wasn't much later that we were both laying on our sides facing each other. She had said something about the guy that she liked and I made a comment about her being more obsessed with him than I was over Ryan Seacrest. (and that's a lot lmao...look at my s/n) So then she said, "well, if you had done stuff with Ryan I'm sure you'd be just as obsessed as I am." Then, somehow we got on the topic again of her always ending up really close to me when I sleep over and she moved really close to me and said, "that's just 'cause I'm dreaming....So don't be surprised if I do this." and she moved closer so we were touching and she put her arm around me. Then, she said, "...or if I do this." and she took her hand and like rubbed her thumb on my cheek and like held my face in her hand. Do you all know what I'm talking about? I was just like OMG! lol But then all of a sudden she took her hand away and was like "just kidding." and by that time we were both laughing. Then, we were both like playing footsie with each other under the covers and she was rubbing my leg with her foot and (I think this happened before everything else..but) she gave me a "finger massage" I was under a blanket and she was tickling my feet so I had wiggled away and then we were both laying really weird and she was reaching towards me and ended up finding my hand through the blanket and was like holding it and massaging my fingers. It felt really good too. Then, I was just like "what. are. you doing?" lol and she was like "giving a finger massage."

I think that's all that happened. Sorry I wrote so much again. ... I hope you can forgive me?


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mizzzthang
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ilove ryan ...i dont kno why yur friend is telling u shes straight becuz she obviously isnt. i mean look at all the signs cuddling,footsie,"massaging" yur finger, and making out with another girl?? hmmm isnt that enough indications i think she likes u from what u have been writing...i think that u should ask her how she feels and why she doing all this!and tell her how u feel and get it off yur chest...well good luck!
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emochickie7
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There are a lot of signs, but with the way people (specifically Brittany and my friend) act, it's hard to tell if they really mean what they're doing or if they really are kidding. Or if they are just really touchy and mean everything that they're doing, but in a friendly way (which would be annoying! :P).

In other news, I have no news!

[This message has been edited by emochickie7 (edited 07-19-2005).]


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ILoveRyanSeacrest29
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I'd love to believe what you're telling me mizzzthang, but...I can't allow myself to let myself get my hopes up that much. It's not realistic by any means (well, okay, maybe some), and until I know for sure where she stands, I don't want to put myself out there with the great chance of getting rejected and having my heart broken. Thank you for wishing me good luck though.

I swear if Brittany makes one more reference or suggestion about kissing me, making out with me, or anything along those lines, I'm just going to say yes and not care what her reaction is. lol Okay, I had gone swimming with a friend and then decided to go to the movies with her on Friday. While we were still at the lake I checked my cell phone and saw that Brittany had called. She had also called my other friend and while I was checking the message that Brittany left me, my friend called her. She talked with Brittany for a while and then handed the phone to me. I asked her if she wanted to go to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (she was thrilled and said yes) and then later while I was at my other friend's house one of her friends called and wanted to go to the movies. I said I didn't care because I have learned through experience that 4 friends is better than 3. No one gets left out. Trust me, it's just a good idea. Well, when we got to the movie theater Brittany and the other girl were already there. Me and Brittany sat next to each other (of course) and she had crossed her left leg over her right and I did just the opposite so whenever one of us would move we'd end up touching each other's foot. I didn't care but I wanted to mention it to see what she'd say. Well, one time after she bumped my foot I said something along the lines of, "jeez Brittany, quit playin' footsie with me." (very jokingly/flirty of course) and she like touched my foot again (on purpose) and said, "but I like playing footsie with you." (problem: she never sounds serious when she says it...it's always jokingly and if she's not very clear she always adds the whole "just kidding! lol" at the end.)

Well, if you get a chance to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, do it! lol I love that movie! Anyways, in the movie Willy Wonka says "You're weird" a lot and I thought that was hilarious and so did Brittany, so when the movie was over and we were just about going to get up I leaned towards Brittany and said, "you're weird" in Willy Wonka's voice and she turned and said the same thing back to me in almost a whisper. Sorry, I just thought that was cool. *ahem* So, then we all got in my other friend's car, and I wanted to sit up front but Brittany did too so then I was just like, "oh well, the back seat's better anyways" lol Then, my other friend was up front talking on her cell phone while we were all still parked. I'm not sure how we got talking about it again but the girl that I was sitting in the back seat with mentioned something about the back seat being for making out and all of a sudden Brittany turned around, peeked over the seat, and said something like "ooooo! Do it!" and I was like "omg Brittany! (laughing) you just want to watch." and well, then my friend was talking to her ex boyfriend (whom I've made out with not too long ago) and he was on his way home and said that'd it'd take him an hour. Brittany got on the phone then and told him that if he could make it back in 30 minutes he could have his first fivesome. haha That was soooo my idea. lol I was only kidding but w/e I guess. We waited for him to get home at my other friend's house. While us 4 were out on the deck of her house Brittany asked me if Matt (the guy's name) was a good kisser. I just smiled and said I refused to have that discussion lol. Then after a few things were said Brittany had said something about her being a good kisser. Then, she said "or so I'm told." (The girl she made out with had told her afterwards that she was.) Then, she looked at me and like winked and said, "I could prove it to you." I just laughed because I didn't know what else to do because I figured she was kidding so I then I just said, "I think I'll take youknowwho's word for it." Well, then when Matt got there he gave me and Brittany a ride to his house. (The other two followed in a different car.) I sat in the back and Brittany sat up front again. She never stopped turning around to look at me! Well, then when we got to his house I guess Matt's parents didn't know he was going to have 4 girls over so he asked us to stay in the car while he 'explained'. I can't remember what Brittany and I said to each other while we waited but when we got out and followed the rest into the house Brittany asked me something about making out again. I was this close to saying, "If you keep asking me, one of these times I'm going to say yes." I should've but it's too late now. We all just talked for an hour in his basement and then when we were leaving, I walked out the door first and Brittany followed. Everyone else didn't come out right away and while we were walking down the steps Brittany said, "I could so grab your a-- right now." I don't know what I said, but when I thought about it afterwards I wished I would've said, "Then, why don't you?" but again, w/e I guess. lol

There's my update. ::yay:: lol


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emochickie7
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I actually have nothing to update on that I can think of right now, but I'm bored, and ILoveRyan: your story has really sparked my interest, mainly because I can relate!
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mizzzthang
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this girl i like has chosen to go out wit another girl,and i kno shes only doin it for 2 reasons 1)shes just trying to make me jealous and mad 2) she thinks im ashamed of her, she thinks thats y i wont date her (maybe shes right i really have no clue, im so confused about all of this) ....how do cope when the 1 u love is with somebody else and theres nothing u can do about it...
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BedroomDancing
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So i just came across this message board and had to post something beware it's gonna be long. I've had pretty much the same trouble as all of you. I was wondering whether i was bi or not and then i developed a crush on a girl at school. She was and still is really talented and beautiful and all the rest of it. The story goes i kept hinting that i liked her etc and in the end i told her. She said she was really flattered and it had made her day/week. I didn't say or ask anymore and we went on as usual and got to be really close friends. This went on for ages without anything happening so i asked her how she felt in return eventually and she said i was her best friend but nothing more. This news completely crushed me.
Anyway we're just really good friends now and my feelings have subsided.
Now the whole situation has got really complicated as a close friend called Meg, that i confided in about my feelings towards this girl, told me she likes me in that way. I don't like her back though.
Then i went to a really hot girl house party. I kissed 5 people in one night. Including Meg and "the hot girl".
So Meg got the impression that i liked her back and now thinks i'd been leading her on. Which if i had it was completely unintentional.
The next Day "the hot girl" and another girl i kissed both told me they liked me. I like both of them back but i don't really know the other girl.
Problem is, "the hot girl" has a boyfriend that she isn't attracted to but uses because rumours are going around school that she's is lesbian which she has admitted to me she is. She tells me she wants me not him and i know she means it. Yes summer holidays do suck because you have to postpone all your feelings.
I really want to be with "the hot girl" but people would treat us very strangely around school. I can handle this but i'm not sure she could. Plus it would really hurt Meg if we got together because she likes us both and hasn't had a relationship for a year and a half.
Also the girl i had a crush on seems to now have decided she does like me back. There's also a few other girls and many guys tied into the mess but i'd pretty much have to tell you my whole life story to explain it. Wow i needed to get this out.
I guess all i have to say is you're really not alone and that Guys are so much easier to read than girls if you get what i mean. This doesn't mean i'm saying give up on girls cos from past experience they're much better for relationships then guys.=)
I don't know how this will help, i just needed to get it out i suppose.

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ILoveRyanSeacrest29
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emochickie7: I'm flattered that my story has sparked your interest. I didn't really think it was overly interesting and I was mostly writing about my 'updates' as some place to let it all out, I guess. lol Advice is always welcome of course. lol
mizzzthang: I know what it's like to have the one you love with somebody else and there's nothing you can do about it. I guess just be happy for them. I know it's hard, but give it a shot I guess. If their relationship isn't meant to be, it won't last...but that doesn't mean it will end just with a snap of your fingers. Time will tell. ::hugs::
BedroomDancing: That is quite confusing, but everyone's story has it's own confusion I suppose. And don't worry about "just needing to get it out"...I'm starting to think that this thread is the place for that. lol seeing as that's all I do. haha. Let it out if you need to.

But anyways...(I'll try to make this quick.)

I went to the fair. Brittany was there of course and she wasn't very 'cuddlely' like I was hoping she would be but it was still fun spending time with her. Then, later while we were walking around (we were with a few other people) and everyone got on the subject on how small I am. I'm pretty short...so I get that kind of thing a lot. lol Then, next thing I know, Brittany comes up behind me, puts her hands on my shoulders and like starts massaging them, and said something like "I love my little Chrissy." (Chrissy's my nickname) That was nice.
Then, (skipping to the last day/night of the fair), Brittany was supposed to go home at around 5 with her family but wanted to stay and hang out with me and a few other friends. I volunteered my mom to give her a ride home. I knew it'd be no big deal. By 7 most of the rides/food stands were closed and everyone else found other stuff to do and left. The guy that Brittany liked/probably still does had pretty much played her and when he walked by and stopped to talk with the same people we were talking to, he didn't even smile at Brittany. She was pissed not just because of that but also because one of the slutty freshman girls was hanging out with that guy and yeah. So then we just left and walked around with each other for a while and Brittany asked me if she could use my cell phone to call her other friend (the one that I don't like, and the one that she made out with) I told her "sure, why not." and then said I couldn't believe I was about to let her call her and then before I could go on Brittany said, "It's 'cuz you love me." All I could say was "I know." Well, her other friend ended up coming to the fair with one of her other friends...so it was us 4 making a huge loop around the closed down fair, them 3 talking, me keeping my mouth shut feeling way more than awkward. Before Brittany's other friend had got there she asked me if I would be mad if she left with her other friend to go to Taco Bell (to try and find the guy she likes). I didn't say anything and then she said she wanted an honest answer. I told her I wouldn't be mad and before I could finish she said "...more disappointed." (we've been down that road before. ::haha:: ) She said I could come along and I said my mom definitely wouldn't allow that since she was there watching the tractor pull with my dad and then the fact that my mom already told me I wasn't allowed to go anywhere or do anything that had to do with [Brittany's friend]. Brittany said 'oh' and then asked me if I thought my mom would be mad if she left to go somewhere with her friend. I said there's always a possibility but otherwise I don't know. Anyways, when her friend left Brittany stayed with me. I was actually surprised in a way I guess, but w/e. Then, when my mom, dad, and I gave Brittany a ride home she asked me if I would give her a call when I get to my house. I told her of course if she really wanted me to. She said as long as it was before 10 I could go right ahead. As soon as I got in the door I called her and we ended up talking for nearly an hour. We were mostly just reminising about how we met and how we probably went to the same birthday parties when we were little kids but never even really knew each other exsisited until 8th grad (me) and 9th grade (her). She said she even remembered seeing me on the open house day before the first day of h.s. in the art room and said she tried talking to me but when I didn't say anything she just thought I didn't like her or something. Some where in there I told her I appreciated that she didn't ditch me to go with her other friend. She said she didn't want to ditch me besides the fact that she didn't think her friend would let her ditch me. We both ended up getting kind of teary eyed and then she said that in a week she might be leaving to visit with her cousin a few states away for two weeks. I told her it'd probably be a good idea since it would give her a break from all the drama going on here. She said she understood where I was coming from and then said "but I'm going to miss you so much." I almost broke down crying right then and there! After I got myself together I told her that I'd miss her too. (it would be long distance so there wouldn't be any phone calls or anything) Then, she said that her cousin has a computer w/ internet so we could probably talk on msn or something. If she decides to go on that trip she'll be leaving this next Monday...and this weekend she'll be at a wedding. I don't know when I could say goodbye but it will happen. ::tear::
Oh yeah, today on the phone she wanted me to call the guy she liked to ask him "wtf?!" basically but I told her she should. Any other time I would, but this time I think it'd be best if she did. She understood and then said "I.....can't do it." I told her of course she could. Then, she said, "okay. I'll do it for you...and Mike (friend from over seas who she was/still is totally in love with)" I said "wow, I feel special now, you named me *before* Mike." (I was honestly flattered) And she said "You are special." (flattered again) ::sighs::

Sorry, it's so long again. I get carried away sometimes, I know it. lol

[This message has been edited by ILoveRyanSeacrest29 (edited 08-05-2005).]


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emochickie7
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ILoveRyan: I'm sorry that she's going to be leaving. But the fact that she said she was going to miss you a lot was good. MSN/AIM/whatever messaging service you both have probably is the best way to keep in touch somehow (silently thanks the internet (wow i'm a dork!)).

Lol, sorry about the lack advice from my end. It's just that, I really don't know what to do for most of these things, which is why I'm in a similar boat.

That's about it.

[This message has been edited by emochickie7 (edited 08-05-2005).]


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ILoveRyanSeacrest29
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Yeah, it definitely sucks that she might be leaving, but in a way I think she could use a vacation. And I don't know, maybe such a long time (well only two weeks but that's still a while) will be good for me, maybe even the both of us. I already had gotten a taste of what it's like to live without her for a while but it was only a couple days or so...SO maybe longer will let me think about things or something. Appreciate her just being my friend...being happy with the given situation...I don't know. It makes sense in my head anyways. (lol)

I'm not sure why it tore me up so bad when she said she'd miss me so much. I mean, like in a way I was sad for some reason. I don't know why exactly...probably the whole reminising thing. And then in another way I was sooooo happy. Because when she said that and how she said that made me feel like, for the first time, I felt that she honestly felt the same way towards me as I do about her if not more. It's so weird/confusing. Like, I knew I'd miss her but the way she said that just...made me feel like how much I could miss her was only a small thought or something. Hmm...I realize I'm probably not making much sense. lol Sorry. It's late again and my mind's just running nonstop.

Well, there isn't many updates for me. *MumblesWowthat'safirstMumbles* lol Brittany called me today and only talked for about two minutes or so...she just wanted to let me know that she was going to be up at the lake swimming the rest of the afternoon. Oh yeah, and check out my love horoscope from msn.com for today:

*August 5, 2005*
This could be a day when you feel just how sensitive you are. You could be tempted to draw your protective shell around you, and hole up in your den of cynicism, refusing to come out for anybody. However, you can't stay like that forever. Somewhere along the line you have to make a move. If you can just risk coming out in the open, things may resolve far more quickly.

Interesting...**rubs chin**

emochickie7: I don't mind the lack of advice. I wouldn't really know what to say either so don't worry about it. lol If you have some though, feel free to speak your mind. I like to think I'm pretty open-minded.


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ILoveRyanSeacrest29
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I don't know if anyone here believes in horoscopes,...heck I'm not sure I even do, but I think they're cool once in a while and they can sometimes have nice advice. Anyways...check out today's love horoscope again:

*August 7, 2005*
Sometimes you just have to speak up for what you need and believe in. It is no good hoping that everyone is going to be psychic, able to see into the heart of your deepest being. Your most romantic ideals and inclinations need to be aired. Don't sit there waiting in vain. You have to take action. Otherwise you will end up floundering in a sea of frustration.

I talked to Brittany tonight (finally) and we ended up talking for well over an hour. She really wants to go away for two weeks and I'm honestly happy for her and hope she does get to, but now her parents aren't sure because they would have to drive really far to pick her up and whatnot. So she's not really sure if she can even go now...and I don't know. Whatever happens I guess.

Nothing new otherwise. We were talking but there wasn't much else said that's any different than any other late-night call. lol So goodnight, because I'm tired. ::yawn::


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ILoveRyanSeacrest29
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Well, there wasn't much activity happening in this thread so I thought I'd help out a bit...(aka: I need to vent some stuff...((lol)) )

This. Is. Rough. The last I heard anything of Brittany was last Sunday. (The Monday before she was supposed to leave.) That night she told me she wasn't even sure if she'd be able to go, and if she didn't, she'd give me a call the next morning, and she'd still try to even if she did end up going, but no guarantees. She never called...so I was left to assume she had gone. Let's see...what day was it? Yesterday I think. I was feeling curious or w/e so I called Brittany's house and her dad answered. He told me what I already knew...that she was in another state and wouldn't be back for another week or so.

Well, you know how I said we'd probably be able to keep in touch through IM or email?...Yep. Well, I don't think she was able to do any of that...not yet anyways. I think I'm going insane. Well, okay maybe not that far...but I am something. (lol) All I know...is when she comes back I am so asking her if she wants to do something with me...anything. I'll even go to her house just to hang out for 10 minutes. I don't really care...lol. I miss her so much. I can't wait to see her.

Just had to get that out. Sorry.

More updates...whenever I have 'em.


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