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Author Topic: Mary
Mary
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Hello, everyone. I just started coming to this site a few days ago, and I like it a lot! Everyone seems really nice here I think I'll be coming back a lot, so I thought I'd introduce myself and make myself comfy.

My nickname is Mary, and I'm a 14 year-old female. I live in Ohio with my parents, 8 cats, and pet rat. I'm a Freshman in High School. I'm really interested in art, animal rights, and working with people. Right now, I'm thinking that I want to be a social worker when I get out of college, because I really care about people, and I want to help our human race.

I suffer from depression, and I just got over a bad case of it. When I say 'just got over' I mean like, a few months ago. It's taking a long time to heal. I'm seeing a therapist, Amy, and she helps me a lot, but I still slip back sometimes. I think sometimes it's all in my head... I'm really sensative, and I let things get to me too much.

I'm a lesbian, and I just came out to my family and friends last year. My friend and I are thinking about starting a Gay-Straight Alliance at our school where we can help people better understand homosexuality. I think one of the reasons I was born this way was to help others understand it and to hopefully stop all of the hate that is associated with it.

Well, I guess that's all I can say right now. I'm gonna go check out some other people's posts. Take care, everyone


Posts: 500 | From: Ohio, U.S.A. | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
keoki_14
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Welcome to Scarleteen! I love it here. There's so much advice, and everyone is so friendly.

You have 8 cats? Wow! That's a lot. Do you have names for them all, or do you just call them "cat." Hehe, I know I would. I don't know how you can keep all the names straight.

I definitly know what you mean by "getting over" depression. Mine comes and goes in phases too. I don't see a therapist, but people think I should. I don't think I really need, to but... Oh well. Luckily, I'm not in my depressed phase. Are you on any meds for it? I've thought about going on some, but then I think if other people have to deal with it, so should I.

I also think it's really cool that you and your friend want to start a Gay-Lesbian Awareness thing for your school. People should really be aware that it's not a "bad" thing. I'm perfectly ok with lesbianism (is that even a word?). I think it's great that your so open about it. Well, let me put it another way. I'm glad you're open about something that is perfectly normal.

I hope you don't mind me posting in your thing. Some people like it as a diary. But hey, if you post it in public, you should expect a response. Feel free to post in mine, if you like. cYa around the boards!

------------------
"No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap."
--Carrie Snow

"A mistake is simply another way of doing things."
--Katharine Graham

The best website ever: www.evilrobots.com (I am related to the founder!)


Posts: 620 | From: Columbia, MD, USA | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mary
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Keoki, thanks for the response It's nice to have someone take the time to talk to you about life. If anyone else wants to post a reply here, please do so! I'd love people's inputs on things.

My cats names are Max, Murphy, Skeeter, Lucy, Oreo, Jesse, Buster, and Bailey (whose sitting on my lap right now). It's sometimes hard to tell them apart, but I don't think they mind! Buster's at the vet right now getting neutered. What fun! LOL.... I just read the article about Female Genetalia Mutilation. At least they're not cutting off his 'you know what' with a rusty tin can. I don't find that situation humorous, really, I just thought I'd be a little silly.

I just got back from therapy. My therapist and I had a good talk about some of the things that have been bothering me. She really helps me out a lot. Sometimes I don't have anything to talk about and sometimes I do. I started crying today about how stressed out I am and some other stuff. It felt good to get those things off my chest. Amy, my therapist, said that next time I go in, we can talk about time management and maybe that'll help. She was really empathetic, and that made me feel a lot better. I'm taking Paxil, an anti-depressant, which helps a lot. It just makes things easier. It certainly doesn't get rid of my problems in life, but it helps me to deal with them better.

I have to write two articles tonight before I go back to school tomorrow, and I REALLY don't want to write them. Oh well... I just want to sleep today, but I promised my friend that I'd play softball with her. It'll be fun, though.

Well, I'm gonna read a few more posts before I sign off and get started on my homework. I hope everyone's having a good day!


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KittenGoddess
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Hello and Welcome!

Kitties are just the cutest aren't they? I've got 3 myself, and I have to be away from them while I'm here at college. I miss them lots!

I hope you find all the support and information you're looking for around here. While we do get a little rowdy occasionally, we're basically a nice bunch!

~KittenGoddess

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"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."
~Jonathan Carroll


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alaska
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quote:
Originally posted by KittenGoddess:
While we do get a little rowdy occasionally, we're basically a nice bunch!

Rowdy? *lol* Nah, we're nice. Or at least polite.

Anyway, Mary, welcome again here at the boards.

It's good to hear that you've been getting support from a therapist regarding your depression - it's pretty good to just have someone where you can sit for an hour and just talk and get all the stuff in your head off your chest.

And 8 cats! Do they get along well with your rat? I only have one cat whose living with my parents....600km away...

Anyway, hope everything's fine.

Take care,
Alaska

------------------
Just a regular lunatic.
Go inside Alaska's head...


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Mary
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Hey, Keiko and Alaska. Thanks for responding to my posts It's always a joy to know that people care about what other people have to say. Alaska, I read a lot of your entries, and you seem like a very wonderful person! You're brave to take on so much by yourself. I know how hard depression can be, and I'm sure it's hard to have your bf living so far away! And Keiko, I have yet to read your posts, but I will get there ~

Well, I just got done playing softball with my friend, Rochelle. We had a lot of fun! We're both really out of shape, but oh well! LOL.

I'm feeling kind of sad right now. I have a lot on my plate mentally. I'm just trying to figure a lot of things out. I'm kind of confused about how to live my life and how to be, and then I think, "Just be you!". But it's a lot harder that it sounds... I'm always analyzing myself and comparing myself to others, and it's hard to just be me. I've been really stressed out lately, too. I have so much homework all the time, and I don't want to go back to school. My parents are always on my back, and my friends always come to me with their problems. I feel honored that they trust me with things, but sometimes it's too much to handle... Other people's struggles, you know? I talked about it with Amy, my therapist today. She said that I should set bondaries for myself and have an hour of time to myself every day. I thought that sounded like a good idea! Anyway, I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself a bit, but I really just need to talk, or "type" rather, this out.

After I've had a tough time, though, I always feel more enlightened and closer to myself. So I guess in the long run all this struggling will get me somewhere. I just don't want to deal with it now! LOL.

I really need to work on being more optomistic. I think I tend to be too negative about things, and if I could just see the joy in them, I'd be better, but it's hard to do! I just need to start small, I think. Like I'm glad that I have wonderful place to vent... These boards. And everyone here is so nice! I'm grateful for this.

I feel very spirited, and this happens a lot. it's just a mood I get in. I feel like I can fly away and live for eternity on soul power. It has a lot to do with the music I'm listening to at the moment, and it's almost always when I'm alone. I'm listening to the Sweet November soundtrack. It's really good! I'm thinking of recording all my thpoughts and the ideas that come to me when I feel this way amd hopefully publish a book someday when I have learned a lot from all the things I think about and write about. Writing about things always helps me.

Well, thanks for listening to me, all! I hope you're having a good day, and if you're not, grab some chocolate!


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Mary
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Kitten! I didn't forget about you, hon... There are just too many K's! LOL. I'm looking forward to reading your posts as well and finding more about the wonderful world of you
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keoki_14
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Oreo is a great name for a cat! Especially if it doesn't look like an Oreo. It's just so silly. If I had an orange cat, I would name it Oreo. Hehe, sorry...

I've thought about going to a therapist. I'm just not so sure. And how would I ask my parents. For now, I just type it all out. It works for me. I just type and type and type. It doesn't matter if I get a response or not, I just feel better. Sometimes I write it out, but typing is more rythmic to me.

I'm still shocked by all those cats you have. Maybe they would have one name. Like, uh... Fred. Or Snuggles. What is your rat's name?

How do you start your therapy sessions? Like do you just start blabbling, or does Amy ask you questions? I'd probably sit there and answer with one-word answers. I have trouble spilling my guts to strangers? Did it take awhile for you to get used to her? Also... Does she tell your parents what you tell her? I'd have a big problem with that. If I wanted my parents to know something, I'd tell them.

Hehe, sorry... I'm blabbling. You seem like the kind of person that likes to blabble to. (Not an insult). So, hopefully, you won't mind. Then you can blabble back.

Oh, don't worry about being out of shape, if you're worried at all. I am so out of shape! That's why gym is such a hassle for me. And, I'm a lazy bum... Those two things don't really mix.

What did you have to write about? I don't mind writing for school, if it's something I'm interested in. Like, for English class... It's no sweat. But if I had to write a paper for biology, I'd be dreading it.

I'm going to stop for now. Hope to hear from you soon. cYa!

------------------
"No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap."
--Carrie Snow

"A mistake is simply another way of doing things."
--Katharine Graham

The best website ever: www.evilrobots.com (I am related to the founder!)


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Mary
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Keiko, thanks for your wondeful response Oreo just happened to be sitting on my lap when I read it, and I saw her smile! LOL... Well any-hoo, my rat's name is Mimi, becasue she loooks like Mimi from Drew Carey. She wears so much make-up! No, just kidding... But she is pretty chunky. And by the way, we did have a cat named Fred (like you talked about in your post)! She had to be put down a few years ago, though, becasue she was very old and sick.

I've been seeing Amy for a year now, and it helps me a lot. I was very nervous and skeptical at first, but I learned to trust her, and it turned out to be the best thing I ever did. My school counselor recommended me to her, and he called my parents to talk about it. He gave my parents her number, and we had an appointment sceduled for the next week. I was scared, and I thought, "Why the he** would anyone go to a stranger to talk about personal things? This is rediculous... I don't even know why I'm here." I was imagining a scary office with a strict old lady behind a desk, but the center was very colorful, homey, and very laid back. Amy was very sweet to me, and she asked me and my parents some questions, and then she took me back to her office, and we just started chatting. She would ask me questions, and I'd answer... It was kind of odd at first, but I learned to just be myself and trust her. By the next week, I was comfortable with everything, and I looked forward to seeing Amy. I still do! I go in, and she'll ask how I've been doing.. What's been on my mind, and sometimes I have something to talk about, and other times I don't. When we're bored, we might whip out a game or just talk about nothing. It's just nice to know that someone's there with you and willing to listen whenever you have something to say. I was suprised by how empathetic and caring she was. I guess all therapists are like that, or at least they should be! But I'm guessing they wouldn't be in the practice if they're weren't. The nice thing is that you're not judged, and everything said in the office is confidential... Not even your parents get to know what you say. Unless you say something like, "I'm going to kill myself tonight". Then they have to tell your rents. But I LOVE just going to talk to Amy about everything. It's just like writing in a journal, but you get feedback! I think EVERYONE should have a therapist! It's great to get even the littlest things off your chest and learn things about how to handle the situation. If you're thinking about it, you should talk to your school counselor and ask for some names... I'm sure he/she has a lot. And if you're worried about telling your rents, maybe you could have your counselor talk to them first. Just tell him/her how you've been feeling (I've read your posts, and you've said you've been feeling a little depressed and everything), and maybe they'll call your parents about seeing a therapist or just give you tips on how to talk to your parents alone about it. I'm not sure how your school counselors would handle it. I hope you think about it, though, becasue in my opinion, it'd be great for you to talk about some of the things on your mind and everything. I don't know, though... I'm not you.

I hope you have a good evening, Keiko! And everyone else who's reading, I hope you have a good evening as well You guys can E-mail me at Chizzer591@aol.com if you have any questions or concerns. I'd be glad to talk with you about it Chao!


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Lin
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Welcome Welcome honey.

8 cats? That's great. I've got one stupid little pup who is always getting his eyes scratched out by kittens.

For which I blame the KittenGoddess.

Hope to see alot of you around the boards sweetie.


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keoki_14
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You keep spelling my name wrong! It's K-E-O-K-I! Hehe, it's kind of tough to spell though. I don't mind.

It's a bummer about Fred, your cat. SHall we take a few moments? *pause... pause... pause...* Don't we both feel better? Hehe, sorry. Does that mean that you used to have 9 cats??? Sheesh! How much do you spend on cat food? Oh, and if they go to the vet, do you take them all at once? Hehe, a van full of cats. That sounds so silly.

About the therapists... A part of me wants to, like the inside me. But the outside me, says no. It's tough to explain. But basically, part of me says yes and part of me says no. I'll have to think about it.

My screen name, Keoki, is a techno artist. He makes some great house! If you're not a techno person, you're probably lost. What kind of music do you like anyway?

------------------
"No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap."
--Carrie Snow

"A mistake is simply another way of doing things."
--Katharine Graham

The best website ever: www.evilrobots.com (I am related to the founder!)


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Mary
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Keoki, I'm sorry about spelling your name wrong! I actually went back and checked it twice before I wrote, because I wasn't quite sure how to spell it, but I guess my dyslexic subconsious switched the letters around while I was typing! LOL.

Anyway, Lin, thanks for the welcome It means a lot to me! Your puppy sounds cute. I'm sorry about hiw scratches, though. Cats can be feirce!

Whenever we take the kitties to the vet, we schedule 3 appointments, and we take 2 or 3 a day. It's pretty hectic, but it usually turns out all right! We quite often end up with pee in the careers, because the cats get nervous, but it's not too bad. I'm not sure how much we spend on cat food, but it's probably a lot! And all in all, we've had 11 cats. Fred, Sam, and Fanny were all alive when I was born, but they died a few years ago. ::sigh:: But thanks for the remembrance pause, K-E-I-K-O.

Music.... Hmmm, let's see. I listen to a wide variety. I like music that's uplifting and soft, but sometimes I'm in a loud, sad musical mood. Some of my favs include:

Enya
Macy Gray
The Beatles
Mozart
Fiona Apple
Miles Davis

I've probably spelled some of their names wrong, too! LOL... Sorry. I never have been good at that. One other thing I'm bad with is dates. I can barely even remember my parents birthdays! This year I've discovered the joys of a planner, though. It's wondeful!

Well, today was a bit better than yesterday. Last night I couldn't get to sleep, becasue I had so much on my mind. I was feeling really sad, and whenever I feel that way, I think that I'm going to feel like that forever. It's weird, I know, but I just can't seem to get it through my head that the feeling is only a phase. Oh well. Maybe I could talk with Amy about that.

Well, I'm gonna go read some more posts. I'll probably post again later!


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Mary
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Hola! I'm back. i'm feeling kind of crummy right now. I just slumped into this mood, ::sigh::. Oh well. Sometimes it happens. I have Oreo on my lap, so she's keeping me company! Ok... RIGHT as I said that, she got up and left me! LOL, cats will be cats.

My daddy just got home. He's a computer programmer for some company. He works A LOT! I sometimes have a problem with it and use it against him and then I feel guilty, but other times I don't mind at all. It gives me freedom during my teenage years! My mom doesn't work too much. She's a school nurse and then sometimes works at the hospital in the NICU on weekends. For the most part, I get along with them, but we have our discrepancies (I don't know how to spell that... sorry!). My dad really bugs me sometimes becasue he acts like I don't know anything. Like the other day he started telling me about some foreign word called "arthritis". "Yea, dad... I've heard of arthrisis before!" I try to tell him that I know these things and if I don't, then I'll ask him what they are. It just bugs me sometimes. But he's really sweet, and I'm grateful that my parents love me and take care of me.

Ugh, I have to go to school tomorrow! NO! It's one day after another... Get up, shower, go to school, do well, do homework, take a test, get pushed around in the halls by careless people, get glared at, and then come home. I'm so sick of it. It's certainly better than last year, though. I would cry every morning before school, becasue I was in such pain there. But I'll get into that later.

Sometimes I worry that I'm just wasting my life. What am I accomplishing by sitting here at the computer typing endlessly about my life? But then I see the effects of it, and it's usually all right. Like, I've met really nice people here, and I usually work out a lot of the things on my mind when I type them out. Other times, though, I worry that I'll never get to help people the way I want to. Amy told me that I AM helping people by the little things that I do, such as listening to my friends when they've had a bad day. That makes a lot of sense to me and makes me feel better when I'm feeling down about my life. I think my main goal is to help people, and sometimes I feel bad when I haven't been working my hardest to take care of people. But then I remember what my teacher told me a few years ago, "You have to take care of yourself first in order to help people, becasue you can't mend someone else's heart unless yours is already mended." Somehow that just made sense to me. I need to take care of myself before I can truly help others. Because I find when I'm not doing well myself, I can't really help my friends to become well. I just have to make sure that I'm healthy, you know? I can't forget about me, becasue I'm a people, too.

Someday when I'm healthy, loving, and loved, I want to write a book. Sometimes I know exactly what I want it to be on but then the next minute I'll change my mind. I asked my mom about it, and she said, "You'll know when the time comes what you need to write about." I guess she's right. I'll know.

I'm sorry if I've blabbered on for so long. I really thank you guys who have stuck with me while reading this. Geeze! It's 9:15! I still have some homework left... Only about 20 min., though. I REALLY need to stop procrastinating. Ok, I'll try to work on that for the next week. Maybe it'll help my stress level go down!

Well peeps, I'm gonna wrap this up. Take care I hope you all have a great night! Especially you, K-E-O-K-I!



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SlowCookie
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Hi Mary.
Welcome to Scarleteen! Stick around, we're not such a bad group.

Thank you for your message. It made me smile when I read it. You can write in there as often as you like. I don't mind at all. I'm trying to rack up as many Village People posts as Lin. That girl is so talkative.

To tell you the truth, I have no idea what ICQ is. I stick to AOL, it's perfect for those of us who aren't so web savvy. I downloaded it today. Do I know how to use it? Nopers. I'm tinkering with it. Hopefully I won't hit a wrong button and send someone a funky message. But being the goof-trooper that I am, I probably will. You can get more info about ICQ here http://www.icq.com/products/whatisicq.html Goodnight and sweet dreams.

------------------
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.


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alaska
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Hi Mary,

thanks for the compliment! You're not too bad yourself, dear!

Reading your posts here reminded me of myself quite a bit... Not easy to juggle everything and everyone's expectations (including your own) at the same time and stay sane, eh? It really sounds like you got an excellent therapist to help you through this. I am sure you'll come out of this stronger than you ever thought you'd be....

One of my favourite quotes (sorry if you already read this somewhere round here) is by Albert Camus:
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me lay an invincible summer."
And I guess there is a lot of truth in that.

Anyway...hope you'll have a good day today.
Alles Liebe,
Alaska

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"I am capable of, but sometimes not interested in making myself happy."


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Mary
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Slowcookie and Alaska, thanks for the responses You know, this has been a week of coinsidences. I JUST read that quote that you sent to me, Alaska, for the first time three days ago in English class and now you bring it up here. It really IS a cool quote, and it has a lot of truth in it The other day, I was wondering what "guerilla warfaare" meant, and I thought about it for a while. I was watching a show about gorillas, so that's why I was thinking about it, hehe. But today in Global History, my teacher told us what it meant and talked all about it! I was like, whoa! I've had a lot of stuff like that happen to me this week. Oh, Slowcookie, thanks for that website I think I'll go visit it when I'm done posting. I hope you get it figured out!

Well, today was an okay day. I haven't been feeling too sad. Whoohoo! But something bad happened: I was in the Mediation Center at school (I'm a peer mediator), and I was doing ballet on the carpet, but I slipped or something and the next thing I knew I was on the ground. Pathetic, I know. I did something to my wrist, and it hurts really bad now. I have ice on it, though. Oh well. Hopefully it'll be better by tomorrow

I got my interum grades this week, and I have an A+ in Science, A- in Math, A in Spanish, B in English, B+ in History, A in Ceramics, and.... I haven't gotten my grade in Journalism, but I think I have an A. I'm so proud of myself! I've been working hard. I just can't wait until this summer when I can relax! I have to make sure that I don't waste it like last summer, though. I didn't do ANYTHING! I just laid around the house and watched tv. LOL... While it was nice, I'd like to make more use of myself and maybe get some exercise!

Speaking of exercise, I'm feeling really crummy, becasue I just had a Snickers bar and Taco Bell when I'm trying to lose weight. I just want to lose 15 pounds before summer. I can hardly fit into any of my clothes anymore, and I don't want to go out and buy new clothes or anything. But don't worry, I'm trying to lose the weight healthily (is that even a word?). I'm drinking more water, TRYING to eat healthy, and I'm exercising more. My dad and I are going to the gym tonight. While I won't be able to lift because of my wrist, I can still bike and walk or something. Will you guys help me during this? I've never been good at staying on healthy diets or anything. I really need to start taking care of myself more, and I want to fit into my shorts! LOL.

Well, I think I'm gonna go check some more of the posts (Lin, I tried to read all 83 of your posts, but I only got through some of them... I'm doing my best!). Take care, all. I'll probably get an internet fix tonight before I go to bed and post again. Choa!


Posts: 500 | From: Ohio, U.S.A. | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
crusher165
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Hey mary
I'm Michelle. and i've been around here for a bit, but havent really been keeping up to date on things.
You sound hellva lot like me, except you are getting help. I had a counsler... for 6 months in fact, but i "improved" so quickly that she released me. In reality i'm very convincing, so if i set out to prove to someone that i'm "normal" they are easily fooled. I think i like the idea of an online diary.. one that peeps can give you feed back in, it makes sense for me anyways:0 and you seem to be enjoying it.
i'm kinda w/ the k girl(the one whose name i cannot spell either*grins*) on the " i want to do counceling, but yet i don't."
i want to get all this junk out and BE happy instead of pretending to be. but my mom will only let me go to a certain counsler, and i don't trust her... she's to sweet, sides my mom went to her, and that's just scary.
os i wish i knew what to do.. i'm thinking online diary.. so watch out you guys it'll get very crowded, i journal like a madwoman!!! and i keep all sorts of junk in it... like pics and stuff... hey? does anyone know how i load pics onto a web page?
i know how to scan em and junk but.... ok
if you wanna tell me(or just want to comiserate) you can get a hold of me at....
bonecrusher999@hotmail.com
and mary? just a ?... do u ever do stuff like... umm carve symbols into yourself? not like devil symbols.. i do hearts, kinda pitiful if you think bout it...
no it doesn't hurt.. i don't draw blood.... well not usually..
well i gotta go, take care... and pray for my b/f cause i'm gonna go kill him*grins* whole nother story
~michelle

------------------
~i never knew u
but your action effected
my life
but who knew what u'd do?
seeing as...
i never knew you

'u wanna get 2 me... u gotta get to you'


Posts: 36 | From: i'll tell you when i get there! ;b | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
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Ya know, I try to make it to the gym alot too, but unfortunately I haven't been too good lately. But anyway, that's beside the point. I don't normally do the weights either, I stick to the bike and this really nifty thing called an elliptical. If they've got one at your gym, I'd seriously suggest you try it, cause it's great! I don't like to run cause it makes my knees hurt, and using one of those is like running, only there's no impact on your knees and you can vary the resistance instead of trying to go faster. The only thing I'll say is don't try anymore than 5 minutes on it the first few times, cause you can definately feel the burn from it! Anyway, don't worry about your weight...focus on the fact that you're doing something nice for your heart and lungs and other muscles.

~KittenGoddess

(that Taco Bell does sound good right now...)

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"Reality is nothing but a collective hunch."
~Lily Tomlin


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Mary
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Kitten, thanks for the advice I'll ask someone from the gym if they have one of those there. It sounds good! Amd if any of you have taken notice, I am NOT at the gym now... LOL. But I WILL get there some evening!

Michelle, I'm sorry your counselor didn't work out for you. That's too bad. You know, I used to fool people sometimes, too. I would act differently than how I felt, and it was really hard, but I didn't want people to know the pain I was in. I didn't WANT to feel sad, so I tried to not be, but I acctually was. I'm not sure if that's kind of how you feel, but whatever the reason, I hope you work it out and learn to express your feelings. I just learned not to be ashamed of them, you know? Anyway, do you have a school counselor? Maybe talking to him/her would help you. It's just nice to have someone to help you through the junk that comes up in life. About the carving thing, I used to do that to my arm when I was angry, but I've stopped. I usually didn't draw blood, either, but I just did it becasue I didn't know how else to express my feelings. I thought it was the only way to let my anger out and that I deserved it, you know? Whatever brings you to destroying your flesh, it can't be good. I would really suggest telling someone about what you're doing to yourself. What I found was that after I started carving into my arm, every time I did it, I would get deeper and harder. It was just like a black hole, and I needed to pull myself out. I told some people that I trusted, and they helped me to stop. I really didn't think much of it when I first starting cutting myself, but it got to the point where I WOULD draw blood and it would scar. With help of my friends and Amy, I've learned how to express my anger and other feelings in a more healthy way. I *TRY* to work out and let off steam, write (I think that online diary you were talking about sounds like a great idea), and talk out my feelings with Amy or my friends. I know I just gave you a whole book about my experience, but I hope you'll take it to heart and consider telling someone about it, becasue it's not healthy. I give you sympathy, though, because I know how hard it can be. Sometimes, though, you just need a little help from someone else to get you along. It's nothing to be ashamed of... In fact, you should be proud of yourself for reaching out and asking for help! I hope you choose to do so Keep me informed, ok?

Well you guys, I am soo happy that I am now a mentor, and I have a flame on my folder! Woohoo! Now I just have to beat Lin and get as many entries as her... LOL. I'm gonna go answer some posts and then I migh come back and type some more. Take care, all Mucho luv!


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Mary
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Ugh! I am so agitated today. I don't know why I feel this way. I'm just so tired of people and everything. At school there are ALWAYS people in the hall who walk soooooooo sloooooooow, and you can't get past them. And then there are the people who just stand in the middle of the hall and talk when everyone else is trying to get through. Today someone was dancing or something and going all over the place in front of me when I was walking in the hall, and they stepped on my shoe. That just did it for me!!!!! Ugh! I don't know why I get so agaitated over it, but it just bugs me. I'm so glad it's the weekend, and I can sleep in and have some time to myself. I think the pressures of the week have just built up, and I need some time to let them simmer!

Tonight I just want a plate of chinese food and a good movie! BUT I'm trying to be healthy. I guess it's not too bad. Anyway, I'm sorry I'm complaining about everything. I'm just in a negative mood right now. Besides, it would be unhealthy to ALWAYS be happy, right? Unless that's how your genes are, but I have yet to meet a person with genes like that, and if there is such a person, they should be cloned!

I think I'm going to check some posts and then take a nap. Maybe that'll snap me out of this mood. Take care, everyone


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twinkletoze
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hiya mary
just wanted to drop in and say thanks so much for ur good wishes
and no it was not dumb of u...everyone makes mistakes liek that
anyways come by again soon!!!
and i hope all is well in ur life

------------------
smile:)
its the second best thing u can do with your lips


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Lin
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Haha. That's so like me. I hate it when people walk extra slowly too.

I think it's just that in SIngapore, everything oves at such a fast pace. Even people walk super fast so when I go to other countries where people are so laid back, I get annoyed when they walk slowly. LOL

And by the looks of it, you are definitely going to beat my number of posts very very soon hon. Gd luck.


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Mary
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Hey Lin and Twinkletoez, thanks for your nice messages

Well, I'm having a good weekend! On Friday, I DID have chinese like I was craving for, LOL, and I went to see the play "Hello, Dolly". It was so good! My school put it on, and some of my friends were in it. My dad and I went together to see it. Yesterday (Saturday) I worked out and then I went over to my Uncle's to see my cousin, India. She's three and a half weeks old and soooo cute! I love her to death After that, I baby-sat with my friend Anna for six hours. We had FIVE KIDS! They were 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. It was a struggle (especially to get them to bed), but we did it! And we got paid 40 dollars... EACH! Woo-hoo! LOL.... Anyway, I'm planning to see the movie "Sweet November" today with my mom and a friend and maybe go out to lunch. I'm excited

Well, I'm gonna go check out some other posts. Take care, all


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Mary
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Sunday night... The last night of the weekend... The day before one has to go through FIVE WHOLE DAYS OF SCHOOL... AGAIN! Ugh, oh well. I should spend my time wisely. At promptly 8:30 I will check the message boards for the fifth time today and see if I can offer my help, at 9:00 I will take a quick bathroom break, come back upstairs at 9:03 and stare at the screen for another twenty minutes. At 9:23 I will begin my homework and then at 10:30 I will retreat to bed. Whew! I sure do have a lot ahead of me! LOL.

Well, I have decided to write my book. Yes, I am going to start writing it as soon as possible. I'm POSITIVE that I will change my mind 100 times before I decide what message I really want to get across, but one has to start somewhere, right? I've just experienced so much in the past year, and I want to write about it while things are still fresh. And you can never really count on tomorrow... I shall start today! Nah...LOL. Right now I'm thinking it will be a diary of my life events, kind of like the things I write in here. I want people to relate, you know? My Uncle is an author, and he's published a few books. I don't know if you've heard of him, his name is Roger Pond. Anyway, I'm planning to call him about writing a book and seeing to get it published if it turns out weel. If it doesn't, that's ok. All that matters is that I have my thoughts down.

I wasn't able to see Sweet November today, becasue there wasn't an afternonn show at the theatres. Oh well... I went shopping with my mom instead. I got some panties at Victoria's Secret I can't remember whose post it was that I was reading, but they were talking about shopping there to make themself feel better, and when i past the store today I thought, "UNDERWEAR! That's just what I need!" I also got some lemon lip balm... Mmmmm!

Today I was in a bookstore, and I was reading a book about art therapy. It had a lot of pictures that children had drawn while they were going through hardships. Some of them were amazing portraits of their feelings, and I was just so amazed by how in touch they were with their feelings. Some of the pictures were very sad and some were angry. In a way, it was hard to look at... Like you're looking into other's heads and feeling what they feel. I don't know why I just shared that with you. I needed to, I guess.

Anyway, I'm going to check out some other posts. Take care everyone


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Bobolink
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Hi Mary:

A quick google advanced search on the string "Roger Pond" brings up three authors: a writer of Sociology textbools, a newspaper columnist, and a writer on animal husbandry. Any of these your uncle?

------------------
"A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular."

- Adlai Stevenson


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Mary
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Hey, Bobolink. I believe he has a column in a Washington newspaper, but I'm not sure. I know that he wrote these books: "IT'S HARD TO LOOK COOL WHEN YOU'RE CAR'S FULL OF SHEEP", "THINGS THAT GO 'BAA!' IN THE NIGHT" and "MY DOG WAS A REDNECK BUT WE GOT HIM FIXED". Can you tell he lives in the country? LOL.... He's talked about my dad in a lot of his books. They're just comical tales about his life. Oh that's right, "Tales from The Back Forty".... I think that's his column. You should check out some of his books... They're pretty good

Any-hoo, I haven't started on my book yet. I'm a procrastinator, what can I say? LOL. But I will!

I had a long day today. I left school early to go to my mom's best friend's dad's funeral. It was pretty sad. We had to leave early, because they live two hours away. I'm gonna go check some posts, but I'll post more about the funeral later. Chao, everyone


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Mary
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Hey, everyone. Guess what! I just got asked to be a moderator! I'm so excited

Anyway, I went to a coffee shop after school today, and I met a friend there. It was a lot of fun We hadn't talked in a while, becasue she's in a different school than I am (MS, not HS). We caught up on a lot of stuff and had fun laughing at stupid things. It was so much fun! I also ran into my Uncle there and my new little cousin. What a cutie!

On Monday my mom and I went to Cleveland for her best friend's dad's funeral. It was really sad There were a lot of nice flowers there, though. And a lot of supportive people came to comfort Beth (my mom's friend)'s family. There was an open casket, and a lot of people prayed in front of it, giving their blessings I guess. We only stayed for an hour or so and then we came back. It was a four hour drive there and back, but it gave me time to catch up on my sleep.

Well, I've lost two pounds! Woopie! I've been eating really healthy and not as much. I'm proud of myself It's amazing how much this has changed my attitude. I guess it's that I'm accomplishing something, and I feel good about doing it!

I think I'm officially addicted to the internet, LOL. I'm on here at least 3 hours a day. I'm going to start cutting back. I won't come on tomorrow, but I can on Friday. All right... I'll stick to it We'll see how it goes!

LOL.... My mom's a school nurse, and she has all of thses condoms lying around the computer. I think she was cleaning out her supply of health stuff. There are some old boxes of tampons. Yuck! Speaking of which, I hate those THICK pads that you get from the dispensers at stores. They feel like diapers! Wow... Where did that come from? LOL.

Anyway, I'm gonna go check out some posts. Chao!


Posts: 500 | From: Ohio, U.S.A. | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mary
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I moderate the GBLT boards now, isn't that great? Along with my wonderful other advocates Woo-hoo! I'm so happy! LOL, anyway... What am I doing on the internet? It's Thursday, you say? Oh, I'm not REALLY on. You just think I am. Ok, so I didn't follow my rules about not coming on today, BUT I'm going to an overnight meeting about student substance abuse and how to stop it tomorrow, so I won't even be home to be on the internet! So I've just switched Thursday to Friday. LOL, I'm so weird. Anyway, I hope everyone is having a great day as I am. Take care, all
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Mary
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Hey, everyone I had a good day today! Woo-hoo! I needed one. Last weekend was so much fun, too! I went to a "Student Substance Abuse Prevention Program" retreat. I learned a lot about drug abuse, self-worth, self-esteem, and I made a lot of new friends. It was awesome! There was a speaker there, Gloria, who was so energetic and full of love. She talked about positivity and self-esteem. I learned so much from her. Wow! I just had a great time!

Anyway, I'm going to see Amy tonight. I'm excited We're going to talk about time management, and I want to tell her about my new friend Katy. We met in Spanish class, and she's really cool. We just kind of clicked as friends. We share some of the same beliefs, and we're both interested in a lot of the same things. It's awesome! Anyway, Amy's dog (Ollie) isn't doing so well. She usually brings him to work with her everyday as her "therapy dog", but he's sick now. She might have to put him down. I feel really bad, because he's only two years old... And regardless of the age, I think dying is so sad. But as long as he lived a happy life, you know? They're not quite sure yet if he has to be put down, but the chances are slim that he'll be able to survive and live happily.

Well, I'm gonna go check out some posts. See you all later I hope you're having a good day!


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Lin
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Oh hon, I know what you mean about being addicted to the internet. lol

Although I think mine is more of a Scarleteen addiciton than anything else.

I feel weird if I don't come on for a day.

Plus it doesn't help that I suddenly have so many people to talk to on icq. Thanks to ST.

Glad you are having fun moderating sweetie.


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Mary
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Thanks for that nice message, Lin . Yea, I feel weird if I don't visit this site everyday. I feel so close to people here.

Anyway, I had an okay day today. I told the girl I like how I feel about her! I can't believe I actually did it! I've liked her ever since last summer, and I finally told her TODAY! Anway, you can read more about it here: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum15/HTML/000051.html

My friend Erin came home with me after school, and we went shopping. I got a new bookbag, becasue my old one had holes in it. I also got two new shirts for spring, and she got a shirt for her band concert this week. It was a lot of fun And then we went to Don Pablos! Mmmmmm! I got chicken fajitas!

Last night when I got back from Amy's I did my homework and then laid down on my bed for a while. I was feeling really stressed out about a lot of stuff, and I just started crying. It felt good just to get my emotions out. I feel a lot better now, thank goodness. Sometimes I just need to cry, you know?

Amy's went well. We talked about a lot of stuff, and her dog (Ollie) was there! I was so hapy to see him! Amy said that he's still sick, and the doctors don't give him long to live, but she wanted him to enjoy the rest of his life. He was staying at home for a few weeks while Amy went to work everyday, and Amy said that he was really unhappy there. So now he's back I hope he sticks around for a while.

Well, I'm going to check out some more posts and then go walking on the treadmill. Ugh! LOL. See you all later!


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Mary
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Three days with healthy foods and good workouts and what's the result? A gain of two pounds. :::sigh::: But I know I shouldn't want immediate results. The 2 pounds are probably water weight, becasue I've been drinking a lot more water. I know what I'm doing for myself will be for the best in the long run But why can't I wake up and be 20 pounds lighter? LOL.

[This message has been edited by Mary (edited 03-09-2001).]


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CallMeBuffChick
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If I woke up 20 lbs lighter I'd be a toothpick.

BLW, what I thought was a pulled muscle in my bum (hehe) is actually inflamation in my hips. Yep that's right my muscles around my joints are sollen. The only good thing about this is I get out of gym for 2 weeks. Wahoo! I just thought I'd let ya know!
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To be a princess is to be an actress, but not necessarily a good one.
Don't dream your life, live your dream

[This message has been edited by CallMeBuffChick (edited 03-09-2001).]


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SlowCookie
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Hey chickee, when did you start working out? You and Lin, I can't keep up with you two. I don't come into VP for a couple of days and I'm about 21 posts behind. Sheesha meesha!

I surely hope you continue to work out and eat well. Cookie gave up. I worked out for 2 days and thought that was an impossible feat. Guess what I just ate? Extra hot buffalo wings, cheese fries, and celery with garlic blue cheese. How gluttonous am I. And imagine, I wanted to be a nutritionist at one time. HA! Next thing you know, I'll want to be a personal trainer.

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You know, Hobbes, sometimes even my lucky rocketship underpants don’t help.
-Calvin


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Mary
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Bleek-blak-blook-blok! I just typed up a LONG response to my Cookie-monstah (my new nick-name for Slowcookie) and BuffChick, but I got disconnected, and I lost it! :eek: Ugh. Anyway, BuffChick, I'm glad you get out of gym! Woohoo! And Slowcookie, I've been exercising for a year now. My dad and I joined a gym, and I've been pretty good about getting there at least once a week. I think most of my weight is just muscle. But I want to get rid of the bulk on my stomach and hips and thoughs. Mmmmm..... Buffalo wings sound sooooo good, Cookie-monstah! I love them.

Ok, well let me tell you what happened tonight. My mom and I have been kind of drifting apart lately. Actually, it's been going on for a few years now I guess. Nothing was ever said, though. Tonight over dinner I told her how I felt. I said that I thought we were drifting apart and that we couldn't drift any farther before I lost sight of her. She said that she just wasn't feeling close with herself anymore and that she couldn't give to other people right now. She said she was sorry if it affected me negatively but that she'll try to change. We started talking about a lot of other problems, too, and I was crying in the restaurant :o (we were at "On the Border" for dinner). We told each other our needs, and I think knowing those will help us along more. I hope everything gets better.

Anyway, I was just thinking tonight about how stressed out I am. It's not anything really bad, but I'm well over my load limit. Like I'm carrying 800 pounds when the sign says I'm only made to carry 700. It's mostly emotional stress and school work adds in, too. I think I'll give Amy a call. I need to work this out... I'm also considering getting a massage. I feel that I deserve it :). I have 300 dollars saved up in the bank from Christmas, my allowance, and baby-sitting money, so I can use that. I just need a break! I need someone to takecare of *ME* right now. I feel like I'm giving and giving but not receiving. And I know that sounds selfish, but it's how I feel. I really appreciate the people who are nice to me and respect me, though... I'm not forgetting them. They're the reason I'm still here today. I just need some time to myself to pampered :p.

Anyway, I need to get going. I have a big paper do tomorrow. Ack! Well, take care all!


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