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KittenGoddess
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Hello there. I'm the KittenGoddess, but you can call me Kitten, or Goddess...either will work . I'm 19, although I'll be 20 really soon, and am in my second year of college. I'm petite and have brown hair, and blue eyes.

My favorite color is purple. I like to read, write, make speeches, watch tv, sing, listen to music...and lots of other stuff.

There's a ton more stuff I could write probably, but it's only 8:30 am, so this is good enough!

~KittenGoddess

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"If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile."
~Lynda Barry

[This message has been edited by KittenGoddess (edited 08-29-2001).]


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KittenGoddess
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Well I certainly had a fun Thanksgiving! But I'm almost kinda glad it's over. My computer at home is all weird...it wouldn't even load this site, which is why I disappeared for a week! Ugh! Oh well, it was goo dto be home at least.

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile."
~Lynda Barry


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KittenGoddess
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I just wanna say I am so happy right now!

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile."
~Lynda Barry


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KittenGoddess
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I'm sick right now, very sick. I don't want to be sick right now. I don't have time to be sick right now! I've got a C++ final on Wednesday, a PSCI final on Friday (which is also my birthday, happy birthday to me, right?), and a Calc final and a Physics final on Saturday. I do not have time to be sick right now!

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile."
~Lynda Barry


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KittenGoddess
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Well now, I didn't do so well at all on my CS test, so it looks like I'll be taking this C++ class again next semester! Oh well, I'm not going to worry about it since I've got 3 more finals this week and I really want to get A's on them!

Well the cool thing that's happened this week is that I'm now an Advocate/Moderator. I was incredibly flattered to be asked to do that.

I almost can't wait to go home since I'm getting my birthday card from that special someone once I finally get there. He wrote me a poem and I think he planned on sending it with my card! Isn't that just the sweetest thing? Hehe, I sure think so!

I think I need to change my signature...I'll have to find a new quote.

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile."
~Lynda Barry


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KittenGoddess
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We had a fight last night. It wasn't pretty at all, I cried, he cried, everybody cried I think. I love him dearly, but he just cannot keep doing this to me. I need him to make one decision and actually carry it out! Maybe I'm expecting too much from him, I just don't know anymore. I'm afraid that no matter how hard I try, I won't be able to make this work if he's not willing to grow up and start making decisions like an adult. And he's afraid I'm going to leave him. I don't want to leave him, but if he doesn't make a decision and actually stick with it soon, I'm going to have to. I can't be with someone who I can't count on. If he can't make a decision about where to move to that will last more than a week and actually be carried out, how can I trust him to make and carry out any kind of committment to me that will last more than a week? Does that make sense? Am I asking for too much? I felt terrible because he was so excited about telling me that he might be moving even closer than he'd last planned, and all I did was drag us into a fight. But I couldn't help it, I need one thing that I can count on from him. He's going to be 21 soon, and it's about time he started acting like an adult. And what am I going to tell my mother and my friends about all this again? That once again he changed his mind? That's definately not going to be points in for him. This is either the second or third time this has happened in the last 8 months. And I didn't get upset about it before, but last night I was ready to start breaking things! I just don't know what we're going to do about all this.

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Intelligence is like underwear. We all should have it but we shouldn't show it off."
~James Dent

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
~Helen Keller


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KittenGoddess
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It's my birthday today. Happy birthday to me. I feel less depressed today than I did yesterday. I think maybe I finally got through to him last night. We talked about it all again. I apparently got d/c from AOL for like 15 minutes and he was about to have a heart attack cause he thought he'd finally made me so mad that I'd left him. I think maybe things really are getting better now though. I don't know though, I refuse to get too hopeful about it, or to count on anything because I'm not sure I can handle getting hurt like that again.

Anyway, I think I just need to stop having birthdays. They're depressing. None of my friends are here, no one here has really noticed that it's my birthday. I'm 20, I feel old, lol!

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Intelligence is like underwear. We all should have it but we shouldn't show it off."
~James Dent

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
~Helen Keller


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Gumdrop Girl
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happy birthday, kitty. the big 20, i guess that makes me an old fart, too. i mean that in the nicest way, of course. have some cake. i'm going shopping now. ciao!

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Someday, I will have a sexy car...a very...sexy...car!


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KittenGoddess
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Hmmm, I suppose it's time I updated this again. I'm afraid I tend to forget cause I've got another diary that I write all the day to day stuff in, and I'm just too lazy to type it all out twice! Anyway, what's been happening lately? Well I've got a full load of science, math, and engineering courses this semester. Sounds like fun huh? Yeah, whatever! Anyway, my boy moved the same weekend that I came back to school, and it's been 7 days since I've talked to him. I'm really excited cause he's much closer to me now than he was when he was living at home, but I miss getting to talk to him now...and yeah, I know that's probably only temporary cause of the move, but still. The only thing that makes me nervous is that he's living with his friend who knows about me, but I've never met the friend cause my boy is afraid he'll hit on me or something. But since I don't know him, I can just picture him dragging my boy out and trying to hook him up with somebody else cause he doesn't believe what's between us is real. Now I know I'm just being paranoid...he loves me, and I'm the one who supported him through all this and told him to follow his dream, so he wouldn't do that to me. But still, a girl gets scared, right? The only other point of interest lately has been the fact that I've spent the past two days with the theme from WKRP in Cincinnati in my head. I have no idea why, but I can't seem to stop singing it. You can't imagine how funny it is to be having a conversation with someone and have that swimming around in your head! Well enough ranting for now!

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Intelligence is like underwear. We all should have it but we shouldn't show it off."
~James Dent

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
~Helen Keller

[This message has been edited by KittenGoddess (edited 01-11-2001).]


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KittenGoddess
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I miss him, ya know? I miss all the cute little things that make him the way he is. Don't get me wrong, this is not be venting on how codependant I am on him, cause I'm not. I survived without him for basically 18 years I can certainly be without him for a week. I guess I'm just saying that I miss him. I suppose I'd kinda gotten used to talking to him everyday. Even on nights we didn't talk, he'd be sure to email me from work at least once. It's funny how you can take those little things...like someone emailing you in the middle of the day just to say "I love you"...for granted. I haven't talked to him since last Friday, it's seemed like eternity. I understand why he's gone, I did tell him to take his time and get settled. And he knows that I'm here when he gets settled in. But I guess I just kinda expected something that at least said, "yeah, I made it alive" or something like that. I don't know...I guess I'm just a little stressed out lately and I'm jumpy in the evenings now. It's like the closer it gets to the time we usually talk, the more edgy I get...and the later past that time, the sadder I get. He knows that I worry about being too dependent on him, and I could survive again on my own if I had to. The thing is that I've finally found something wonderful, and I don't want to go back to the way things were before we found each other. *sigh* I'm sure he's fine...I'm just being paraniod.

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
~Joan Crawford


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KittenGoddess
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Hehe! *sings* He's back, he's back, he's back! Can I just say how much better I feel? And he said he missed me, I'm just incredibly relieved that he's ok! Now I just have to try not to let on exactly how much his being gone upset me. Cause it's just sad, really...I should be able to be on my own and be just fine. I think maybe I was just so upset cause when he said that we'd talk "next week" I was thinking maybe Tuesday or something, and what he apparently meant was Saturday. Which is ok, of course! I think alot of it was just the added stress from my classes too. You put all that stress together and you've got one very unhappy Kitten! It's all good now though, cause I know he's ok.

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
~Joan Crawford


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KittenGoddess
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Ugh, I feel like such a selfish bitch today. I can't help it, I'm trying really hard to get rid of this negative mindset, but so far nothing has worked. Why am I in such a bad mood? Cause I'm feeling underappreciated and ignored I think. lol, I'm such an emotional mess aren't I? Here's the deal, my boy moved and didn't talk to me for 8 days, I understand this. But then I talked to him yesterday for like 15 minutes and that was it. I have no idea when he'll find time for me again, and I'm just feeling the need for a little attention. I guess it's kinda like when his last gf moved away to college, and she started ignoring him. I'm just afraid that the same thing is gonna happen, cause he's in this new situation and he's happy, and it's someplace I can't be right now! And then I feel terrible about feeling that way, cause I trust him, and I know he loves me. I'm trying really hard not to be a big bitch about this, cause I told him to take all the time he needs to get settled, but I didn't mean for him to forget about me completely! And as embarassing as it is, I'm kinda getting jealous of his best friend, cause he gets all his time now! *sigh* I guess I just have to get used to being second or third in his life for a while now.

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
~Joan Crawford


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KittenGoddess
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I am much better today. I feel alot better, I don't know why really, it was just that when I woke up this morning, I was like "it's all gonna be ok". I got an email from my best friend and she told me what I already knew. That he loves me, and that he's stayed this long why would he leave now, and that maybe I was being just a tad too hard on him. Which I think I already had realized was true, sometimes it's just nice to have someone else tell you what you already know, right? He's just getting used to his new surroundings and these huge changes that this has caused in his life, and I can't fault him for that. I love him, and I shall be patient...I think I need to embroider that on a pillow or something, or at least I'd do it if I knew how to embroider ! Besides, I think I'm PMS'ing, so this nasty mood isn't entirely my fault! He should know better than to mess with me when I'm PMS'ing! Hehe! Anyway, it's all better now, and that's all I have to say for the moment.

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
~Joan Crawford


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KittenGoddess
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Well I just talked to my boy again, finally. I know I should be thrilled, but I'm actually just feeling kinda sad right now. I think I'm gonna cry, but don't tell him that, he'll feel bad. Yep, good for me, I got 20 minutes this time. He was going out with his friends, I feel like a huge bitch, cause it seems like all I do is whine. And he says he gets there when he can, but still...this is something that I wanted him to do, something that I encouraged, and now all I'm doing is complaining about it. He needs this, and I need to stop being selfish and start getting on with life. He said that his best friend was trying to hook him up with someone...I knew that was gonna happen, I just knew it, it's a girl thing, we can tell these things. But he said that he didn't want that, so that did make me feel better, like maybe I haven't been completely abandoned. I guess I'm just going to have to get used to not knowing what's going on in his life anymore. I miss telling him everything, and I miss saying "I love you", and I miss him. Is that so terrible of me? I don't like this cause it tears me up that I don't know exactly how I'm supposed to feel about this. It's like I feel terrible because I miss him, and then I feel even worse cause I'm being such a bitch about this. I look in the mirror and I think, "Dang girl, pull it together!" I've never had anyone who could make me as happy, or as upset as he does. I'm just going to have to get used to not being as important in his life now. I'll get used to it, it's just a hard transition to make. And I know that if he read this, he'd probably feel bad about it, cause I don't think he really understands how upset I seem to be about this. But then I think how silly all this seems...my being upset just makes no sense whatsoever. *sigh* I just don't know what to do anymore.

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
~Joan Crawford


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KittenGoddess
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Ugh, I swear my life is starting to sound like some angst-ridden teen soap opera now! That's just not fair, cause I'm not even a teenager anymore! *sigh* I was really hoping he'd call today. But of course he didn't. I really shouldn't be suprised, I'm terrified that my relationship is going down the tubes faster than I can stop it now. He seems satisfied with talking like once a week for 5 minutes, but I'm not. I need more than that. I've gotten so used to having him there when I need him, that I'm pretty sure that if I died tomorrow, he wouldn't notice for at least a week that I was gone! I can't tell if I'm being unreasonable about this or not. Either he doesn't understand, or he just doesn't want to deal with it, because when I bring it up, he just says he does the best he can. Maybe I'm being unreasonable in expecting as much attention as I do...but up until he moved, we were talking every night, and I'd usually get an email from him during the day too. Now I have no idea what's going on in his life, no idea at all. About all I know about how his move went is that he lost a box with some posters in it along the highway. I don't know how he likes his new job. I don't know anything anymore...except that going out with the guys and keeping the phone line open is a whole lot more important than taking a few minutes for me. I'm not expecting everyday attention like I used to get, but still you'd think that I deserve more than 15 minutes once a week. I tried to tell him that this is a problem, but he just says that he does his best, and that at least he can call me on on the weekends without having to leave the house. Well ya know, it's 11:16pm on Saturday, and my phone hasn't rung yet. I just don't know what to do anymore, he used to make me so happy, but right now I'm just sad all the time. I know I'm probably being overly emotional, and he's probably going to think that I'm insane, but I'm just not sure how much of this I can take. Dang it, I'm crying again. This just sucks.

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
~Joan Crawford


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Lin
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*hugs* dearie. I can't say I completely understand how you feel but my guy is kinda like that too.

He really believes that talking for 10 mins a day is enough. And if we never talked on the phone, that would be fine and dandy too. I think your guy is just caught up in the excitement of something new. New job, new home. And I think once that phase passes, he will be the way he used to.

Why not make him call you every night just to say good night? Insist upon it. Sometimes, you can only be so nice. My guy works and studies at the same time so we hardly have time to talk but I make it a point that he calls every night just to say gd night. Hang in there dearie. *hugs*


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KittenGoddess
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Thanks Lin! Ya know, my head tells me that it's just a phase, and I know it...but I just can't seem to get my heart to remember it. I think that alot of the problem is that I just didn't expect this, and I didn't realize exactly how much I've come to need him. It's like I'm just mentally in a bad place right now, I'll be just fine for a couple of days, but then I get depressed without him. Maybe it's a good thing he didn't call me tonight, cause I was ready to tell him to go ahead and go out with whatever waitress his friend has been trying to hook him up with. And that I hoped that she supported his dreams when no one else was, and that she felt like something was missing if she didn't say "I love you" everyday, and that she'd forgive him a million times, and be willing to walk through fire for him. But thankfully then I found some chocolate, and cried for a while, and then I felt a bit better, lol! I feel like I'm being a terrible bitch about this, but this is the first relationship that I've ever had that I've really cared about. And so that makes this hard.

I shall strive to do better at remembering that this is just a phase. *repeats it over and over*

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
~Joan Crawford


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KittenGoddess
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Hmmm, well I suppose today has been better than yesterday was. At least I got my EECE homework done (I called my dad and he helped me...dad's are so smart!). Now all I've got left to do is calc and physics, and to watch The X-Files, of course! *sigh* I had re-heated pizza twice today...I don't really like re-heated pizza, but I'm starting to get used to it I think. The girl who lives next door to me moved out today. I have no idea why, or where she went, but she left. I wonder if someone new will move in.

He still hasn't called me. I'm beginning to think that he won't. I keep looking at the phone like somehow I can just will it to ring. But even my goddess power isn't that strong, it seems. I want the phone to ring so badly that it's not even funny. In this entire month we've talked a total of 4 times. All online...and the last 2 were for a grand total of 15 minutes each (the first two were before he moved). I just feel terrible right now, and I feel guilty about feeling terrible! I've stopped believing that the phone is going to ring tonight...I really just don't think it's going to happen. But I do know that the next time we talk, we're going to be having a discussion about this. Because even if this is just a phase because of his move, it's completely unfair to me. I just don't know what to do, because I'm just not sure if I'm important to him anymore at all. I'm getting scared that maybe he doesn't love me anymore.

I watched Evita today. Is that not just like the best movie!?! It's sad, and I always cry, but still, you just have to love Madonna and Antonio! I think it's kinda confusing if you don't know the story before you see the musical, but if you can follow the story, then it's just the most amazing thing!

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
~Joan Crawford


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StarryRedhead
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I really feel for you right now, our relationship probablem sound sooo similar! Here's some more *hugs* My boyfriend and I are having an off time, I feel ignored, alone. He used to call all the time and invite me places, now he doesn't, and we were best friends before we became a couple. When I call him we only talk for a few minutes. Just a few weeks ago we were always together, everything felt wonderful. Then he went away for a weekend and came back and it was like I didn't know him anymore! He's so distant and when I ask him about it, he says he's just busy. I always feel like I'm expecting too much too...maybe I am.

My friend gave me some advice yesterday that might help you. He read a book that said that guys are like rubber bands, at first they are with you all the time, then they stretch out and seem like they're losing interest. A lot of times the other person thinks they're being cheated on or just being ignored. But that's not always the case. Just talk to him, without making accusations, and eventually he should come around. I don't know if that's good advice but it SURE made me feel better! I'm sure your guy is just adjusting to the new situation. I hope things get better for you!!

------------------
}{*Starry Ali*}{
"D'you get scared to feel so much? To let somebody touch you? So hot, so cold, so far, so out of control. Hard to come by, and harder to hold."


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KittenGoddess
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I hadn't intended to post in here again tonight...but I figured I'd end the anticipation I'm sure everyone was feeling wondering when my phone was going to ring. So...*drum roll please*...IT DIDN'T! Yep, no more anticipation about that one, phone didn't ring, he didn't call. Apparently something else must have been more important than calling me like he said he was going to do. My heart is absolutely breaking right now. I feel absolutely, completely, and utterly miserable. I had planned on explaining all this to him when he called this weekend, when I'm not happy about something, then I tell him, and we talk about it, that's just how it always has worked. But then he just didn't call. I emailed him, but I doubt he'll get it, he hasn't been checking his mail lately at all. And it seriously doesn't help that I met my hot new physics lab partner on Friday. The guy walked me home and gave me his phone number. I love my guy, really I do. And I don't want to be with anyone else...but it hurts so much that he's ignoring me because everything in his life is sooo much more important than I am now. It's more important to keep the phone line open for the booty call (lol, that's what Sam calls it, he's such a funny little drunk guy!), than it is to talk to me for five minutes. I just don't know what to do about this. I think I'll go cry for a while again, so that I can put on a brave face for the rest of the world and pretned like nothing is wrong.

Oh yeah, and I almost forgot, as if all this isn't bad enough...a big chunk of plaster just fell off my wall. This is a dorm, so they're just going to love that!

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
~Joan Crawford

[This message has been edited by KittenGoddess (edited 01-21-2001).]


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Lin
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Aww hon, I'm sorry to hear that he didn't call. But we all can be pretty self-absorbed at times.

psst, I actually mean that guys can be pretty self-absorbed but let's not generalise huh?

Anyway, just give it some time. Or if it were me, I would go look for him and insist on talking to him and telling him how I feel.

Actually according to my bf, yea, alot of things are more impt than calling their gf. Guys are not very phone people. So I honestly doubt it is you. The phone is just not high on their list of exciting things to do.

Hang in there ok? Give it time. Only you know if this relationship will really work out. Just remember, you deserve the best. And if he thinks he can treat any differently, you honesly deserve someone better. But as we said, this is a phase. So give him time to get over this phase and see how things go after that.

*hugs* I sure hope you don't fall sick from my hug coz I'm still sneezing away like crazy.


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KittenGoddess
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I have officially stopped freaking out for a while now I think. Or at least I hope I have. I know this is just a phase he's going through, but it's still hard to deal with. It's strange how you can tell everyone else how to fix their relationships, but then when it comes to your own, you just start to panic, and it's all downhill from there! I seriously think I'm going to be fine now though, for a while at least. I wrote him a huge long email about what was going on inside my head right now, just cause that's the way our relationship has always worked. When I'm not happy about something, I let him know. I don't know when he'll get around to checking his mail, but I feel better at least because now I've told him. I also talked to a couple of my best friends, and they said this was just a phase, and he was seeing what he could get away with, so I just needed to chill for a while still. I think this would be better if I trusted his best friend...but I don't, so that's just not helping. So that's where things stand now...and thanks to everybody who keeps telling me that it's all going to be ok. I can't express how much the support has meant to me.

In other news, I painted my nails bright red last night. That made me feel better too. I've never really worn bright polish before, so I kinda feel like a hooker with these nails. But I dunno, there's just something about seeing these cheery spots of red when I look at my hands.

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
~Joan Crawford


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KittenGoddess
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Oh yeah, I almost forgot...my friends seem to think that I should call the hot lab partner guy and see what's up with that. I dunno though, I mean, I want to be friends with this guy...cause I really don't have alot of friends, and he seemed really nice. And when he gave me his number, I didn't really feel like I was being hit on, so I'm hoping he really does want to be friends (he just transferred from another college, so he doesn't know many people here yet). I just don't know though...I'm happy with my guy, and I don't want to be with anyone else...but my best friend thinks I should see where this new possibility is heading in terms of a possible relationship, I think I should see what happens with being friends. So, are there any opinions on what I should do???

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
~Joan Crawford

[This message has been edited by KittenGoddess (edited 01-22-2001).]


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Lin
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I totally agree with your friend. Give him a call.

You go girl. Painting my nails always makes me feel better too.


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KittenGoddess
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*hugs for everybody* Why? Because I feel way better. Hehe, I finally talked to my boy, and I feel so much better. He, of course, felt like crap...especially after he read my email (did I mention that I can evoke guilt even in the strongest of men? ), but we're good now. What's so strange is that I feel different now than I did when we used to talk. I'm not sure what it is yet, but it's like something in our relationship has changed again. That tends to happen, it's like things just snap some days and little things change, and we're not sure what it was until later. It's just that now something feels different, I hesitate to say that I'm not as "in love" as I was before, cause I don't think that's exactly it...I'm just not sure what it is.

Anyway, so we've been talking about him coming out to visit me. He wants to come for 6 days, I had been thinking about 4 days...so I dunno what we're going to do about that(I'm hoping for a compromise around 5, but we'll see). Cause I have to figure out where I'm going to put him, cause he can't stay with me in an all girl's dorm for 6 days, and my mom would absolutely have a heart attack if I let him stay here. Plus I've got classes and stuff, so she's just going to love the idea of him being here while I'm supposed to be studying. And I'm sure he'll have to be fed and watered and walked too, right? Now would probably be a good time to mention the fact that we've never really met before...now don't go all nuts on me and say that this is insane, and I don't have a real relationship anyway, so what have I been bitching about! Our situation is a little different, even though we've never met we do know some of the same people, and we've been friends for over a year. Which is exactly why you'll notice I never call him my "boyfriend"...cause that's not exactly what he is, we're still waiting to see if that's what's really going on here. Strange situation, I know, but it's my strange situation, and it's made me very happy. lol, wouldn't it be nice if I could have a normal relationship so I wouldn't have to worry about all this stuff? Oh well, I guess maybe this is the price I'm paying for love.

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
~Joan Crawford

[This message has been edited by KittenGoddess (edited 01-23-2001).]


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Lin
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My dog's smart. He really knows how to choose whose bed to pee on.

You really love kittens don't you? I think they are absolutely adorable. Even though I think they are too smart for me.

I prefer my silly and not too intelligent dog. Haha.


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KittenGoddess
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Hmmm, it's late, and I still have work to do. But I seriously don't think I'm going to be doing any of it. I just don't feel like it tonight. Something occured to me today. I may possibly want to be a doctor. This isn't a new suggestion, it's just the first time I've honestly considered it. I'm not sure yet what I want to do. This will require more thought, but not today, and not tomorrow. I talked to my boy again tonight. He's such a sweetie, and I've missed him so much. I don't know why I was feeling so weird about things between us after we talked the other night. It might possibly be because he just seemed so far away. But tonight it seemed very much back to normal. He still knows just what to say to get to me. But that's ok, cause I know exactly what to say to get to him, I always have. It's ok though, cause we tease each other in such a good natured way that nobody gets upset. What made it even more amusing tonight was that I was harassing him, and apparently his best friend was feeling the need to read aloud from a "guide to sex" book. I had to laugh about that, it was just too funny, cause I can just about imagine what was going on in his head...even if he does know he's not getting any. I love the way we can tease each other and laugh, and yet on some level be completely serious at the same time. It keeps life interesting. Well, I'm going to go dry my hair now so that I don't have to deal with it in the morning.

"Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
Sand and water, and a million years gone by."
~Beth Nielsen Chapman, 'Sand and Water'

(That's what I'm listening to right now)

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
~Joan Crawford


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KittenGoddess
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My family needs to start avoiding cars completely. I think that we possibly need to go back to the horse and buggy. My sister was in that accident where she nearly got killed by the drunk driver a little over a year ago. And my mom called me tonight to tell me that one of my aunts had her car slide off the road and she hit a tree, and she's hurt pretty badly apparently. See, we all just need to stop driving, cause this is just getting scary. Ugh, this is just getting unreasonable...I'm going to be scared to drive or something.

In other news, I'm glad it's the weekend, and I'm hoping my boy will call me.

Oh, and my hot new lab partner in physics seems to have disappeared! How incredibly not fair is that? Now I'm paired with this girl who doesn't have a clue. This is just not acceptable at all...I want the hot guy back!!! I've had this nasty headache all day long. I also failed a calc quiz today, and today would have had to be the day when the prof remembered that he'd had me in class before, and I transferred out of that last class he taught because I was failing it. I was really hoping he wouldn't remember me...no such luck I guess. *sigh* Can you tell I've had an icky day?

I think I need to change my sig line again.

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
~Joan Crawford


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Ah yes, another day has passed...or it's basically passed. Talked to my boy online a while ago...unfortunately I was on the phone with my mom at the same time, so I had to go back later and see what we'd talked about. He might be calling me on the phone tomorrow though...I'm seriously hoping he does, I miss hearing his voice. The first time I ever heard his voice was on my answering machine, cause he'd called while I was at work. I still remember exactly what he said..."I call and you're not even home, what's up with that? Ok, well I guess I'll try you later if I'm still in town...oh yeah, this is ____ if you haven't figured it out yet. I'll talk to you later." Isn't that funny that I remember it exactly? I remember thinking how cute his accent is, I've never heard anyone say their "o" 's quite the way he does. I don't think I've ever heard him say my name though, it may sound odd, but I'm curious how my name sounds coming from him. I'm still trying to figure out how to get him to say it...like I said, we don't exactly have a conventional relationship. He couldn't promise he'd call tomorrow, but he's going to try...and I understand if he doesn't, cause he's moving again in a week or so...not too far, but into a new apartment. The sad thing for today is that he's not coming to see me next month. Maybe in March or April, but not next month. I understand why he can't, but still, I guess I'm just getting edgy about it happening. In my mind, the sooner this happens, the better. We both need to know so that if this isn't real we can start moving on...and if it is real, then we need to be figuring out how we're going to make this work. So I'll get to spend at least another month and a half looking at the calander and telling myself that I can wait this one out. What does piss me off is that I put off getting one of my vaneers fixed cause I figured I'd rather have it still on when he showed up, so I'm getting it taken off during spring break, and won't get it put back on until summer...and now he's coming sometime after spring break! How not fair is that? But then I've come to the conclusion that nothing is ever going to be fair for me, so I may as well just get over it.

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."
~Jonathan Carroll


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KittenGoddess
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HE SAID IT!!! He really said it, and I about died! Perhaps I should explain...see, we always type "I love you" to each other before we go to bed if we're talking online at night (or during the day, or whenever). Anyway, so I've never said "I love you" to a guy before. I never found anyone that I cared about enough to say it to. In fact, it took me a while to be sure enough of it that I'd type it to him. The last time we talked on the phone, I really thought he was going to say it, and then he didn't...but he told me later that he'd been thinking about it, even before he ever dialed my number he had been thinking about it. But then for some reason, when he was saying goodbye, he just couldn't seem to say it. And I was ok with that, I'm not in a hurry. And the more he thought about it, he thought that he wanted to actually be here in person the first time he said it, which was fine with me because that is just really really sweet. But then before he moved we had this huge fight and he was really scared that I was going to leave him. So anyway, we talked on the phone today for like 2 hours or something and just before he said goodbye he's like "I love you", and I swear my heart just stopped. I let like 2 seconds go by while I let it sink in, and then I said it back. I'm just completely happy right now. It completely made me feel all giggly and warm inside...but at the same time, it felt really comfortable and familiar to hear and say. It was just completely right. I mean, I know the world hasn't changed, the universe didn't turn on its side just because I heard a guy say "I love you" to me, but still, it's just incredibly exciting. I'll probably spend an entire week grinning like an idiot now, but I don't care...he loves me, and he's actually said it now, and that's all that matters. It was perfect, that's the only way I can describe it!

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."
~Jonathan Carroll

[This message has been edited by KittenGoddess (edited 01-28-2001).]


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Ugh, I wasn't going to write again, but I just found out something terrible. My best friend apparently had a car accident on Friday. This is just terrible. Everyone I know gets in these nasty car accidents. I mean, a little over a year ago my sister nearly died cause of that drunk driver. Then almost exactly a year ago a girl that I'd known in school died when she hit a telephone pole. Then one of my other friends had two accidents back in the fall. And I got hit by that pizza delivery guy. Then my boy nearly had an accident in December. Then on Friday my aunt had that really serious accident that's going to keep her in the hospital for at least 3 weeks. And now I find out that my best friend had that accident on Friday too! This is just so seriously not good that I can hardly explain to you how not at all happy this makes me. I'm beginning to think that I'm just cursed or something, everybody I know has these terrible accidents!

So all of you better be careful, otherwise I'm going to have to come shake each and every one of you who scares me like that!

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."
~Jonathan Carroll


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KittenGoddess
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*sigh* Yes, I'm still feeling simply divine! Isn't it funny that all it takes to make me happy is those three little words? Everything and everyone is just perfect right now, nothing is getting me down. On Monday morning, I woke up half an hour early (which never happens), hopped right out of bed and got ready to go in record time. I didn't even get upset when I spilled coffee on my vest on the way to EECE, I just kinda brushed it off and smiled. And when my calc prof gave me back my quiz which I completely failed...I smiled at him too. I wasn't tired last night when I went to bed, and today I'm reletively tired, but I don't really want to sleep or anything. I just feel completely energized and motivated! It's wonderful, simply wonderful!

The only other thing I really want is to have him here with me, right now! lol We had planned on him coming in February, like the second or third weekend probably...but he can't get the time off work, so I'll have to wait until at least the middle of March! Ugh, I am seriously running low on patience right now as far as that goes...and I think he is too. We've reached this point where we need to be together so we can figure out what's really going on between us, and now all these stupid little things are hanging us up! Part of me wants to just go out there on my spring break, but there is a slight problem with that...my mother. She's not going to let me go by myself until my family has met him and decided it's ok, and that's just all there is to it. She offered to go out there with me, but getting to know someone for the first time right under my mother's nose is not exactly my idea of a good time. We need to see about being together on our own terms without worrying about what my mom thinks of him. Now hopefully, if this works out well in March (or whenever), then this summer he'll come see me at home so that my family can meet him and it'll be ok for me to go see him. I hope that's the way it's going to work. The whole thing is complicated, lol!

Oh well, I've got work to do...and I need to get it done while I'm actually feeling motivated!

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."
~Jonathan Carroll


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KittenGoddess
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Ah, isn't love grand? My favorite word lately seems to be "delightful"...everything and everyone are just delightful! I talked to him last night because he was getting to move to his new apartment earlier than expected, and he wanted to let me know so that if we didn't talk for a few days, I'd know that he hadn't died or something. We talked about the "I love you"...he was glad he said it, I was glad he said it, and he was even more glad that I said it back! He's been really happy the last couple of days too, which is just wonderful. It's so nice to be so happy just because you know that somebody loves you.

In other news, the search for the perfect valentine continues...I know there has to be a perfect card out there, I just have to find it!

There's some pizza in my refrigerator that's been there since Saturday night...I should throw it away, but I keep forgetting.

This is going to be a weekend full of studying...I've got a test tomorrow, one on Friday, one on Tuesday, and one on Thursday. Ick! I should go study for a while before I return to procrastinating.

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."
~Jonathan Carroll


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KittenGoddess
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Boys are so silly! So here's the deal, my family said they might come visit me at school this weekend, but then they didn't call Friday night or Saturday morning to tell me exactly when they were coming. Well, I got up on Saturday, and went to take a shower, and just as I was getting done, my mom comes into our bathroom and is calling my name. They forgot the cell phone so they couldn't call me. So I got suprised in the shower! So we went out shopping and stuff, it was really fun. But I had this feeling that my guy was going to call while I was gone, and I thought about changing my answering machine message so that it said that I'd be home on Sunday, but then I didn't do it. So anyway, of course he calls while I was out, and leaves the cutest message on my machine (he sounded disappointed that I wasn't here). I wish I hadn't missed him, but I thought maybe he'd call me back today...but he didn't, silly boy! I wish he'd called me back, I really wanted to talk to him...who am I kidding, I always want to talk to him!

I'm not feeling as motivated this week as I did last week. I got up at least an hour early everyday last week, I even had breakfast four times, and I'm not a breakfast person! I'm going to try really hard to make this week the same way, it'll be harder, but I think I can do it. Isn't it sad that it takes so little to make me happy (ie. him saying "I love you" last Sunday)? Sometimes I wonder if I'm too dependent on him, but he makes me happier than anyobdy else has ever made me. I've never felt like this before. Do you suppose I'm too dependent on him? I don't know.

~KittenGoddess

------------------
"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."
~Jonathan Carroll


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Lin
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I don't think you are too dependent honey. I think it's the flush of love.

I never knew you met your guy over the internet. So did I.

Great to hear you sounding so happy. Good for you girl.


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