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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Safer Sex & Birth Control » lube question

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Author Topic: lube question
xmetalgirl
Neophyte
Member # 110591

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I was wondering if for everytime you have sex and use a condom if you always have to use lube with it. Partner and I never used lube with the condoms because I generally get very wet down there already very quickly...sorry that sounded funny haha. And it seems to be fine. Is it mandatory to use lube all the time? Even though I make alot on my own naturally [Razz] Does the lube protect condoms or is it only to be used so that there is no drying out on the condom? I feel comfortable without the lube and I feel like if I did put some itll be too much lube and slippery for my partner and I. I just am asking to see if it is okay. Also would saliva after oral sex damage the condom?
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It usually is best to, especially since natural lubrication does not tend to hold up as well with condoms as manufactured lube, which is designed to work with them, does,

And yep, what lube does with condoms is to help keep them from breaking and feel best for everyone, including for the person wearing the condom, who has to put a couple drops inside if they want lubrication, since the condom will get in the way of any contact with yours.

But, if you both find condoms work and feel great for you without extra lube sometimes, or even all the times, and you are not having issues with condoms breaking or being pulled off due to dryness, then that is all good, too. [Smile]

And nope, saliva is safe with condoms!

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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xmetalgirl
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Member # 110591

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Heather id like to say thank you for all the work you do!
Now I have a questions specifically for you because I have read on the site that how you have used condoms off and on for 20 years and had no problems with it. Were you ever on birth control as well? I currently use condoms with my partner and we always make sure to do everything correctly and perfectly. I would like to just use condoms for my birth control because I do like it too and i do not want to use anything hormonal or dont really would want to insert anything inside of me either. But why the heck do people not trust just using it by itself as a reliable method? Is it bad just to to

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xmetalgirl
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Use condoms on its own? Sorry my finger actually pressed the add reply button before I can finish my sentence [Razz]
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Honestly, the best information about the efficacy of any method comes from the broad data we have, rather than personal anecdotes. I am guessing that if you have read deep enough here to know small things about me like that, you have probably also read things like our information in condoms which tells you how effective they are, and you can trust those high numbers, I promise.

Not one had to use two methods, it is just that doing so is usually the most effective pregnancy protection we can get, and it means we are always covered in case of mistakes.

I am okay answering your question though, and yes, I was on the pill from my early teens until I was around twenty, then, when I was with male partners, instead used either just condoms, or condoms plus charting, or condoms plus a diaphragm. For a little while, I only used charting with one partner and did have an unintended pregnancy then.

But again, the broad numbers we have are better than any one person's history, and we also have EC now, so that is an option for condom backup I just did not have (I also either did not yet have other methods we have now, because they were not available, or could not use some due to allergies) for most of the time I was only using condoms.

But this stuff is really about your choices, what you feel best about, and what level of protection you feel best with. If it is condoms alone, it gets to be that, and no that is not bad. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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xmetalgirl
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Haha yes I did read all the information I can [Smile] I know it is not abput personal history and that condoms really are highly evective! it is just that to me it seems like the pill is very popular and it makes me wonder if i am doing something wrong lol if you get what I mean [Razz] but i guess I am not if i consistently just use condoms it should not be wrong at all x) it also might be deeper that makes me scared just a little about pregnancy. We can tell you personal stories too right? [Razz] Well when I was 17 I had a boyfriend who was a big meanie and forced me to have sex with him without protection or anything and I hated it so much. I was ALWAYS scared to death of him and never ate or slept or went to school and I told no one and just said I was sick. After a few months of torture I left him and I grew much stronger and have learned to never be with someone like that! Now I am 20 and met somone completely opposite of that guy. He waited til I was comfortable and he only talked about sex with me when I questioned it and he said just using condoms is very effective and I will always be careful with it etc. So my trust with him iand condoms are high, all the wonderful help I get from this site is great! It is just that I find it weird. That I can go through sucha big change that sometimes the past makes me scared again. So when I just use condoms it is highly effective but what do other people mean that even when they just used a condom without it breaking or slipping they got pregnant? Is that true or is that impossible and just lies? Is it only when a condom breaks or slips and leaks is the main risks in perfect use? If I get this part cleared up, I dont think I will be scared about it anymore and sorry I mixed abuse and safe sex topics together
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OhImpecuniousOne
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I'm someone who prefers not to use condoms a lot of the time, and for me it's nothing to do with effectiveness. If I was in a position where I absolutely could not risk getting pregnant, I would probably use condoms, if only because if they do fail, you know about it right away.
The reasons why I usually prefer other methods are all personal preference: condoms are more expensive than long-term hormonal methods; I don't want to be restricted in what my partner and I can do because we forgot to buy condoms or we left them lying around somewhere and can't find them; and when I'm having sex with someone I love, I feel like condoms make things feel less intimate. That's all idiosyncratic me, and I'm not suggesting that any of these things make condoms a non-ideal option for anyone else - I'm just trying to give a partial insight into why other methods of birth control are also popular. [Smile]

Regarding why there are anecdotes about people getting pregnant in impossible situations... I suspect some of it comes from bad education, like maybe someone believing that you can't get pregnant on your period and thus not "counting" sex during a period as a possible point of conception; scare-mongering and urban legends (let's not forget that there are church organisations in Africa which tell communities that condoms don't protect against HIV because "condoms are porous", in order to scare people into life-long monogamy); and people protecting themselves from being seen as stupid or "deserving what they get" - society can make people feel so guilty for having sex, plus more guilty for who they have sex with, even more guilty for risking an STI, guilty again on top of that for getting pregnant, and then even more guilty for whatever decisions they make about an accidental pregnancy - I can totally understand someone lying about how they got pregnant to avoid all that judgment and sneering.

I'm not ignoring your story about the abusive boyfriend - I just don't have anything helpful to say about it! It's fantastic that you got away from him, and that you found someone who cares for you and respects you. [Smile]

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