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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Safer Sex & Birth Control » birth control/gyn confusion..

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Author Topic: birth control/gyn confusion..
thinkmcflythink4208
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hi scarleteen!

i am going in for my very first gynecologist appointment on Monday. i'm 18 and have never had intercourse, but have participated in other types of sex that pose no pregnancy risks. i am leaving for college in about six months and my mother would like me to be on some sort of birth control even though i have no current interest in sex. it's just not something i'm ready for yet and i feel like that it is something you do in a serious relationship, long term relationship which i do not want yet and am not in. is birth control something that i should still talk with them about?

also, if i were to be on birth control, i'm not really a fan of any of the hormonal methods which i feel like they will try to push me into because of my age. i like the idea of the copper iud because i wouldn't have to worry about having to either go home or scramble to get a prescription refilled. would i be able to get the copper iud as a young virgin who isn't in a serious relationship? what would be suggested in my scenario?

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, let's start here: I hear what your mother wants.

But what do YOU want? Is a method of birth control, any method, something you want, yourself, right now or soon?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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thinkmcflythink4208
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i'm not sure. i do know that i am definte about my views of sex and that i know i'm not ready for it & that it's okay. i think she's just concerned about me and wants me to be prepared because of something that happened to me previously. i do think it might be wise to just talk about methods and be able to ask questions from someone educated so i know what i want when i am ready for that.

none of it will change the fact that because of what has happened to me previously, most types of sexual contact make me paranoid even though i know that i'm okay and i think going on something wouldn't make all of that go away.

i would rather learn how to make smarter choices so i don't end up in situations where i will regret what i did afterward.

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Sam W
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I think it's great that you have a sense of what you are and are not comfortable with sexually. And just having a consultation appointment to talk about options is sound. I don't know if you've taken a look at BC Bingo, but you might find it helpful to go into the appointment with some info of your own about why certain methods sound good to you (if you decide you want one)
Birth Control Bingo!

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Heather
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Well, one thing I want to make sure you remember is that someone sexually assaulting you is about something THEY chose to do, not something you did. In your other post, you are talking about an assault. That was not your choice.

Mind, if a birth control method makes you feel safer, that is a totally acceptable reason to seek one out.

Really, this is a talk to have with that GYN when you see them. They will, if the copper IUD may be something you want, for instance, be the person who can tell you if they think that is a sound choice or not, based on your health history and what you want from a method. What method is right for any given person depends on a hist of factors, including their own health history and current health, side effects or side benefits that may or may not be wanted, cost, effectiveness, etc.

No provider should be pushing ANY method on anyone, just so you know walking in. If one ever does, that is a clear sign of a crummy healthcare provider and that you should seek out a better one. What should happen, and more commonly will with reproductive healthcare specialists, is a discussion of your needs and concerns, a review of tour health history, and then help deciding, if you want any method, which method seems mist likely to be a good fit for you that is also a method you feel comfortable with and want.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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thinkmcflythink4208
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*update* i went to my gynecologist and i was so nervous that just after the nurse took my blood pressure and started talking about "contraception" i started to cry. the exam wasn't a big deal, she took a culture to make sure i don't have an infection because i tend to have a lot of discharge and she noticed some irratation.

i ended up walking out with an oral contraceptive called lo loestrin fe. she gave it to me because it is the lowest dosage of hormones available in a pill. i'm supposed to try it and go back and see her in three months. i'm still pretty leary about taking anything like that and i don't know if i want to. everytime they asked me what i wanted to do, i just cried.

so i guess i just don't know what to do here.

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thinkmcflythink4208
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*update* i went to my gynecologist and i was so nervous that just after the nurse took my blood pressure and started talking about "contraception" i started to cry. the exam wasn't a big deal, she took a culture to make sure i don't have an infection because i tend to have a lot of discharge and she noticed some irratation.

i ended up walking out with an oral contraceptive called lo loestrin fe. she gave it to me because it is the lowest dosage of hormones available in a pill. i'm supposed to try it and go back and see her in three months. i'm still pretty leary about taking anything like that and i don't know if i want to. everytime they asked me what i wanted to do, i just cried.

so i guess i just don't know what to do here.

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Sam W
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Hi thinkmcfly,

I'm sorry the appointment was stressful. Do you have a sense of why you found yourself crying when contraception was brought up (it's OK if you don't)? How did you and the gynecologist end up settling on that particular pill?

As to what to do, that all depends on what you want. Is there something in particular about BC pills that has you concerned? If there is, you can weigh your concerns with how willing/able you are to either have a new appointment with the same provider or find a different one who you feel more comfortable discussing things with. Or, do you want to hold off on taking any BC steps until you feel that you have a method that you're comfortable with (as I recall, you were not 100% sure you wanted to start any type of birth control. It sounded more like you wanted a consultation)?

[ 03-03-2014, 09:25 PM: Message edited by: Sam W ]

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Heather
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Too, please know that your mother or a healthcare provider or anyone who is not you is not the expert on what you may want when it comes to contraception.

I know your mother reacted very poorly around your assault, including engaging in some victim-blaming. But she wasn't right about that, and if any method of contraception isn't something you want or feel you need? She isn't right about this, either. This is only something you need if it is also something you want.

Only you are the one whose opinion really matters when it comes to you wanting any method at all, and if so, what method or methods.

So, maybe figure you need some time to even figure out what YOU want, and then pursue whatever that is, if anything, on your own now or later, whenever feels right for you. My guess is that your response to this probably had something to do with post-trauma, but also a lot to do with going in and talking about this being way less about your wants and more about someone else's, someone else's who may be coming from a quasi-good place, but also coming from a place where, for whatever reason, she's not yet getting that having been assaulted in the past was about the poor choices of the person who assaulted you, not yours.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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thinkmcflythink4208
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i'm not really sure as to why i cried during the appointment. i think i was nervous for one thing and because i had thought so much about all of it that it became a great source of stress for me and freaked out once it was actually happening.

the gynecologist and i ended up with that because i was pretty clear that i disliked the shot, the patch and the ring, which she agreed wouldn't be the best options for me anyway. i however didn't express that i wanted any sort of contraception, i was just simply talking about what i wouldn't choose if that was something i did want. i also told her that i wasn't having sex and didn't foresee that occurring in the future.

i also ended up telling her about my assault when my mom, who was there with me, left the room because she asked if there was anything i wanted to discuss without my mom there. so i think maybe that combined with the fact that i'm leaving for college probably had something to do with why she gave me the pills when i didn't ask for them.

both my doctor and my mom kept talking about how i need to be "proactive" about it, which i felt was a little bit silly. i think they were both coming from ultra good places, especially my doctor, but i think they were just taking things farther than where i wanted them to go if that makes sense.

as far as the actual pill itself goes, i took the packet and everything out of the box and examined it after i got home. i like that it has pretty low levels of hormones, i didn't know that pills came that low and i have a 26 day pack which is close to my cycle now of about 30 days. it's pretty hard to screw up since i take vitamins everyday anyway because i'm vegetarian. so it doesn't sound totally terrible. my doctor said that she often gives that to patients like myself who are just starting out with the whole bc thing and they don't have a lot of side effects because it's such a low dose.

i guess what bothers me about it though is just the fact that i'll be putting synthetic drugs in my body, I've never been a big fan of the whole "take a pill for this" concept unless i absolutely have to. i'm also afraid since i am currently A-Okay as far as my health goes that it'll just cause un needed and un wanted problems for me.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I would sincerely doubt your doctor gave you a birth control method simply because you told her you were assaulted. Again, I get that it sounds like your mother has kind of been doing that, but it's much more likely that if you scheduled a consult for contraception, the doctor gave you something because that alone gave her the impression you wanted something.

But again, you do not have to use ANY method. Not any you don't want to, and not any kind if you don't want to use that kind. It's still sounding to me like you haven't given yourself the chance -- and maybe you need to ask your Mom to make room for you to do that? -- to figure out what YOU want here, including if you even want ANY method right now.

So, you don't have to put synthetic hormones in your body if that is not something you want to do, and you don't have to be using any method of birth control, now or ever, if that is not something you want to do.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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