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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Safer Sex & Birth Control » Safe sex

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Author Topic: Safe sex
Michigan200
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So my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time today.
I've been on Mononessa for a little over a month (I've gone through a whole pack and am about 5 pills into the second one) I've never missed a pill or taken one late, it's always between 10 and 11:30 PM.
My boyfriend had a condom on the whole time we had sex, but after about 10 minutes he pulled out (he hadn't ejaculated yet) and we just cuddled for a bit. Then he took the condom off and I gave him a blow job, and then he ejaculated.
Is withdrawal unnecessary or is it smart, even when he's wearing a condom? I'm just kind of freaked about letting him come inside me, just in case something's wrong with the condom. Or are we being pretty much as safe as you can get?
I'm definitely ready for this kind of activity with him, we have an awesome relationship and have so much respect for eachother. I just need to put my mind at ease about the amount of protection against pregnancy that we have.

Posts: 17 | From: Michigan | Registered: Oct 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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So, safer sex (not "safe sex," as there really isn't such a thing) is a term meant to describe the practices a person can engage in expressly to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections.

Those practices are: barrier use, testing for STI, and, additionally, if people prefer, some lifestyle choices, like limiting the number of sexual partners.

Safer sex with intercourse and oral sex would involve condom use for both those activities, and then, again, regular testing for the people engaging in them. Withdrawal isn't part of safer sex, with or without a condom, as withdrawal doesn't reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections.

I'm not sure if this, however, is what you are asking about or not when you ask about safer sex, so if not, maybe you can clear up for me what you're asking? [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Michigan200
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I guess what I'm trying to ask is, if we consistently use both the pills and condoms, are we as highly protected from pregnancy as we can get? Or would adding withdrawal make it even better?
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Michigan200
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I didn't know that "safer sex" only described STI prevention and not pregnancy as well, because I meant to ask about pregnancy prevention.
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Heather
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Gotcha.

So, withdrawal with that other combo is something that really could only even have a chance to do anything if your pill failed AND your condom failed. Even that is a bit dubious, because if condoms are going to slip off and break, which is how they tend to fail beyond not being on the whole time, or at all, that is only a likely real problem if someone has ejaculated, if you follow me. And when used properly, condoms rarely slip off or break. There's almost never, ever something wrong with a condom when it comes out of manufacturing: when condoms fail, it is almost always due to improper storage or use on the consumer end, not manufacturing issues.

But you know, I hear you saying you find you don't feel comfortable with the idea of your partner not withdrawing, and that right there says this is something it sounds like you need right now. In other words, that you only feel comfortable with withdrawal in the mix right now says to me that right now, that's what YOU need. Something doesn't have to be more effective for a person to need it or find they feel better with it, and feeling better about something is a perfectly valid reason, all by itself, to do a thing. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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And if it helps you communicate with sexual healthcare providers and others in the future, yep, safer sex is about STIs, and "pregnancy prevention," or contraception or family planning are all common terms to address things that are about reducing the risk of pregnancy. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Michigan200
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Good to know, thank you. [Smile]

I just feel better about him withdrawing because... Okay, worst case scenario, the condom broke, but even with that happening, if he had withdrawn before ejaculating, I could have only possibly been exposed to pre-ejaculate, so that would really reduce my pregnancy risk. Especially since I'm on the pill, and he had urinated before sex. Am I right in thinking this?

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Heather
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You are right in feeling better with what you need.

Again, practically speaking, once you are at proper use of both the pill and condoms? All the time, every time? Pregnancy is so not going to happen, and withdrawal can't really add any more protection.

But that really doesn't strike me as all that relevant here: you said you do not feel okay without withdrawal, too. You said you feel like you need that for this kind of sex to be okay for you.

You feel better without a partner ejaculating right now, and that, all by itself, makes you right. You get to be right in knowing what precautions you need for having that kind of sex to be okay for you. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Michigan200
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Thank you so much Heather, I really appreciate how patient and helpful you are.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You're welcome: glad to be of help! You're the expert of you and your needs: always one of the best things to lead with!

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Michigan200
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Another question: Since I've always taken my pill somewhere between 10 and about 11:30 PM, am I what's considered a "perfect user" or "typical" ?
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Perfect use is really a term meant for clinical trials.

However, if you are taking your pills as directed, always, in one full year, including taking them on time, which you are, then that is as close to perfect use as people het in daily life.

Again, this is all for one year of use, so typical use leaves room for things like someone forgetting a pill or two somewhere in that year, or taking pills outside the twelve hour grace period every now and then.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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