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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Safer Sex & Birth Control » i feel really guilty about this

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Author Topic: i feel really guilty about this
lavie17
Neophyte
Member # 14220

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Hi,
My friend who is two years younger than me recently became pregnant, by the time she finally got to the doctor she was two months pregnant. She is still not sure whether she is going to get an abortion, she is feeling alot of pressure about it especially from her bf and his family. But anyway her parents had both her and her sister, who is my age, on birth control. Along with the guideline they use condoms as well, but they never do. For some reason the girl who is pregnant stopped taking it, and had unprotected sex anyway, i'm not quite sure of the logic behind it, i know i could never. But i've also just found out my friend my age was in the same position two years ago as her sister, from a broken condom.
Basically this is why i am scared and have decided to go on birth control,(me and my bf only use condoms) but i know my father doesn't approve of my friends parents choice to put them on birth control. So i've had to be well sneaky about it, i have made an appointment with planned parenthood, and i have a job, so i'll be able to pay for it. And i know my bf is excited about it, he was sort of pushing for it. But now i feel so badly betraying my father like this. I've always been so open with him, but from the way he reacted to my friends family, i'm scared he would overreact, and forbid me from my bf. Am i doing the right thing doing this myself or should i come clean and break it to my dad i am not the little girl he thinks i am anymore. By the way he doesn't know i am sexually active.
Thanks so much for the help

Posts: 13 | From: col | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
emsily0
Activist
Member # 2059

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honestly, it's really important for you to tell your guardians that you're on the pill. if there is a medical emergency, they will need to tell your doctors all the medications you're on. and there are a few family medical history conditions that may preclude you from taking the pill at all - breast cancer, cervical cancer, just to name two.

it sounds to me like your situation is totally different from the one your friend was in, and your dad is likely to understand that eventually. you're trying to protect yourself, where it sounds like your friend was in a position to protect herself but failed to do so.

maybe when your dad says he doesn't approve of your friend's parents' decision to put her on the pill, he meant he didn't approve of parents making that kind of preemptive decision - maybe he thinks the idea should come from the person who will be taking the pill?

i think you need to tell your dad, and just tell him you're scared about what happened with your friend, and you want to be responsible.

also - if you're sexually active, you need to be having annual GYN appointments anyway, as well as STD testing. so even if you weren't going on the pill, you would still need that appointment. :-)

good luck!

emily


Posts: 786 | From: Washington, DC | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Elise12385
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Member # 15729

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Same thing happened to me, my mom knew that I wanted the pill but my dad didn't... I went to the doctor and got them prescribed and I paid for them... and then he found out by accident! Most parents are afraid that you'll get hurt emotionally by having sex too soon or that you will not be responsible and end up pregnant or contracting an STD... basically what I'm saying is that your parents are worried about the same things you are.
When my dad found out, I was honest with him and told him how confident I was with my decision, and that I don't regret it. It's not a good idea to break trust or be "sneaky" behind his back - then if he finds out he'll feel hurt and betrayed like mine did. Instead, bring up the idea, and give him some time. Maybe then he'll learn to accept your wishes! Hope this helps

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Cassiggity
Activist
Member # 15946

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I had a friend who went on the pill "behind her parents' backs". They were religious fanatics, and had already threatened to kick her out of the house for letting the boy call her. (I'm not joking, it was like the movie "Carrie"!)

And I told her by ALL MEANS, go get on the pill and use condoms, and don't tell them. Because I figured, they were not reasonable and there was no need for her to get pregnant (I can only imagine what they would have done then.)

Every situation is different. But honesty is truly the best policy.

And just for the record, my parents were always against my cousins being on birth control, and opposed to them cohabitating. Yet here I am, on the pill, shacked up with my boyfriend, with their complete blessing.

I think parents appreciate your honesty and MATURITY when you talk to them about that stuff.

[This message has been edited by Cassiggity (edited 12-17-2003).]


Posts: 40 | From: RI | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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