Ok, so I was talking to my b/f today after school about having sex and condoms. He is COMPLETELY willing to wear a condom, but he did bring up an interesting point, what are we supposed to do with it after?...see, chances are, when we have sex we're going to be at one of each others houses most of the time...and well, neither of us can afford to just throw condoms and wrappers in the trash and risk our parents seeing them. so basically we're both on a mission to figure out what to do so that our parents won't see. the only thing i've come up with is putting it in a piece of paper and (gently) crumpling it up...BUT that isn't really the greatest idea, so I was just wondering if anyone else has a problem like this and what they do about.
Oh, and its not simple like, take out your own trash in your room. Because one, our parents go in our rooms sometimes, and two, we wouldn't always in mine/his bedroom...like his basement..where i'm not even sure there IS a trash can down there...so yea, we're just confused about what to do...any help would be cool. thanx.
------------------ *Live life to the fullest... think of all the people on the Titanic who passed up chocolate dessert.*
either you wait till you can find a better venue for having sex (don't overlook this as a sign of readiness -- it's not all about maturity and emotions, you need have to have the logistical stuff in place, too).
or you can wrap it up and then immediately toss it in the dumpster.
and what do i mean by logistical stuff? general things like: do you have a safe place to do this? can you afford to go to the doctor? can you easily obtain condoms? can you get the pill? yada yada yada
Well what me and my boyfriend always do is make sure we drink a can of pop before hand. The when your all done and the pops all gone you just put it in the can and toss. Or you could take a walk down to the park and put it in the trash can, or a resturant, or the library or any place that has a trash can.
Posts: 117 | From: Washington | Registered: Jun 2002
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I need to add a note here: realistically, if you are having sex, your parents WILL find out. And realistically, for both your sake, theirs and your relationships it is always best they find out from YOU, honestly and forthrightly.
I'll be frank: I think that unless one has solid reason to believe that parental knowledge means your life or health will be in danger, being dishonest is very much a sign of a lack of sexual readiness. I'm aware that sounds harsh, but I've listend to and watched a lot of teen sexual beahviour over the years, and save seriously dengerous scenarios, I have yet to ever see teens who are not truthful with their parents also exhibiting most other signs of readiness. Most who aren't honest also aren't going to the GYN and for annual STD/STI testing. Most who aren't honest also don't have the funds for abortion or pregnancy or STI tteatment. Et cetera.
To boot, again, your parents will find out if they do not know already. Know how you can be around your friends and have a pretty good feeling when one of them has hooked up or is sexually active? Uh huh. And an adults radar is even better. A parents? Often better still. I can't tell you in my years as an educator how many parents made it clear to me that they were fully aware of the situation and knew their kids were lying when their kids were oh-so-sure they were clueless.
So, rather than finding places to hide condoms, the only thing I can suggest that truly is in the best interest of all of you, your relationships and your families is to instead figure out a means to be honest. Again, the exception is life-risk situations, but in those scenarios, you should not be sexually active in your homes anyway, or, perhaps even sexually active at all.
And if you cannot bring yourself to be honest, it is usually a better idea to wait until you are on your own entirely.
First, I am on the pill so I do go to the GYN. And I dont think its really fair to just assume that because I dont want to tell my parents that I and my b/f aren't ready. We've talked about it for a long time and we've both made sure that it's what we wanted.
I dont want to tell my parents because I honestly dont think they would understand. My stepdad got his g/f pregnant when he was 18 and he thinks its going to happen to me so he's overprotective already. My mom MIGHT understand, but I dont want to just come out and be like yea mom, we're having sex. I love my b/f so much and i figure i wont be able to see him anymore.
I know i'm ready, and i know i dont want to tell my parents. and yea, i know my mom will probably find out. if she asks, i'll tell her. All i wanted was an answer to my question.
I guess I just don't even know what to do. I want to tell my mom, but I have no idea how.
[This message has been edited by starlight23 (edited 09-17-2002).]
hey, sorry you feel we were coming down on you hard, but sex isn't a matter to be taken lightly. i'm glad you're thinking ahead. it's good to be honest, so give what you're going to tell your monther some thought. write it out if you have to and make edits. but definitely choose your words carefully and thoughtfully. and maybe you should hold off on sex until you can get all these things straightened out (how to talk to your mother, where to discreetly dispose of condoms -- don't flush, that'll clog the toilet! -- and whatever have you)
Ok, I just want to also say that, the only reason I even want to tell my mom is because I respect her. I honestly dont really feel like its much of her business. I dont ask her about her sex life, (although my room is right below my parents and i hear things NO ONE should have to hear, which just isn't fair) and yea, I'm 17, but I still should have some privacy. I'm on the pill, so right off that's being safe, and I know she knows I'm a smart girl, and she trusts me. It's more my stepdad. I dont want him to know. He would never let me see my b/f again. My mom might be understanding, but my stepdad wouldn't. And i'm not SURE if i could tell my mom w/o her telling my stepdad, since i dont know how she'd react.
Posts: 122 | Registered: Aug 2002
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Starlight, I did not attack you and certainly didn't intend it to come off that way. I was simply being as straight with you as I could, which is...well, my job here.
I made no assumptions about what you do, but said instead that often dishonesty is a signal for a lack of readiness. That doesn't mean you are or are not. All it means it is is often one signal one may not be.
And in any event, the best person to determine what choices are best for you is...surprise! You!
But I do stand by what I said. You say your mother trusts you -- I hope you can talk to her so as not to give her cause not to trust you. You say she'd be fine with it, but what I was responding to was you posting that you "couldn't afford to have her risk" seeing conndoms, and thus evidence of sexual activity, which as said, did not sound like it was all okay and fine by any means.
As to whether or not it's her business again, that's individual, though I'd say if any of the potential consequences are things she'd be involved in, then to some degree it is. To some degree: I agree, you're entitled to privacy. But privacy and secrecy usually aren't the same thing and they sure don't feel like the same thing. The difference between her sex life and yours is that you're the daughter and she isn't, trite as that sounds.
And I say all that I do in the interest of letting you in on what I know about preserving the quality of relaionships with parents AND your own sex life, because the two can often be more intertwined than most of us think.
In any event, you can certainly take it or leave it -- it wasn't an order, but instead, food for thought and a note that the issue of where to hide condoms often requires biggesr soutions that simply good hiding places.
Starlight- Hi- I read the posts and I want to say that I respect your responding to feeling attacked, as well as the fact that you feel comfortable really stating that you feel ready. As far as telling your parents, well, I think you have had enough reponses to make that decision for yourself. As far as condom disposal- Ziplock bags! Have one in your back pack/school bag, which can be in your room, put the condom and wrapper (and sticky tissues, which will get crunchy after they sit in a garbage can and most ALL sexually active adults will recognize this) in the bag, and just bring it with you to dispose of it elsewhere. If you are really worried you can wrap all teh stuff in tin foil and put it in the bag so it looks, upon first glance, like something left over from lunch ;-) ***IMPORTANT: You mentioned that since you are on the pill you are safe. I hope that you are aware of the MANY other health risks involved with having ANY kind of sex where there is intimate contact. I assume you know this since you are adamant about using a condom eventhough you are on the pill. There are lots of infections and diseases you can get from sex, and not just HIV. They can be pesky, and some, like Herpes, have no cure. So please, be careful and learn all you can. Once you are armed with knowledge, you can take the proper precautions, which will help to ease anxiety. Good luck in your decisions!
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