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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » 2 month relationship going too fast?

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Author Topic: 2 month relationship going too fast?
moonandsun
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So my boyfriend and I have been together now for almost 2 months and I'm a junior he's a senior next year and things have been getting serious. Things have gotten kinda steamy and we've 'dry humped' over clothes but I don't know if we should slow down or if I'm making a big deal out of this. Are we going too fast? Should we slow things down? I just need to get other opinions because I don't want my judgement to be hazy because of love, I think he's a great guy and we actually have fun together outside of his room I just can't tell if we should slow down or not...thanks for the opinions!
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Jacob at Scarleteen
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Hey moonandsun! Welcome to scarleteen.

I don't really think there is a too fast or too slow. It is much more important that you are ok with how it is going and that you enjoy yourself and are safe etc.

What makes you think it is progressing quicker than it should?

It sounds to me like maybe this feels a bit like something that has 'happened' than something you have discussed with your partner... Have you spoken about it with him?

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OhImpecuniousOne
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There really isn't an objective answer to what things you should do with a partner and when - it's all about the two of you, what you want, what you're comfortable with, etc. For some couples that means sex on the first date; for some it means not doing much more than kissing for a very long time, or not even that.

There's a "Ready for sex?" checklist here, that might be useful in giving you some things to think about re. whether or not you're moving too fast for your own and your boyfriend's needs. [Smile]

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moonandsun
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Thanks both of you this website really helps! I guess I just have always heard that you have to wait for the right person and there's a some sort of time limit for these kinds of things. We haven't really talked about it much but I guess we probably should
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, often any given person will have their own criteria for who is or isn't a right person for them to be sexual with, and a timeline they feel best about (though that can also be situational).

But when you say you haven't talked about it much, that suggests to me you probably are a little short on doing verbal consenting with each other. When we're really doing a lot of verbal consent communication, we tend to, as a result, also pretty naturally wind up having conversations about the pace of things in general, too.

Working in more verbal consent also means everyone involved is constantly thinking about what they want, what feels too fast or slow, and sharing all of that with each other.

If and when you are asking yourself if something is too fast, I also think that is a good cue that it's wise to slow down to give yourself time to think about that. After all, if it really all felt like just the right pace and you were sure about that, you probably would not be asking, you know?

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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moonandsun
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Thanks heather, I guess it's more of the fact that this is my first boyfriend and first real relationship and once I trust someone I kind of let my guard down. I just want to make sure that we aren't taking things too fast and we have talked a little but not much about the pace we're going.

If we had been together for maybe 5-6 months I feel like I'd feel fine about it, but I just want to make sure 2 months isn't too fast for how things are going.

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Heather
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It really sounds to me like what might make you feel best is to voice all of this to him and just talk this out together a little bit.

When you do, it might help clarify your feelings and give you some more cues about what pace you feel best about.

Too, you might want to ask to slow things down a bit just to see how that feels. If it winds up feeling like way less than you want sexually, and you find you do feel very eager and ready for more, then that is something else that can give you some more of these answers. [Smile]

Lastly, I hear you her saying one thing you know is that if you had been dating a few more months you are sure you would feel good about this. So it might be you have your answer right there per a timeline and pacing you feel best about! Perhaps what would be best for you is to slow down until that time has passed.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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moonandsun
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Thanks heather, that is very true. I guess it also doesn't help that I'm freaking out a little bit because I had a weird period that was only a week apart from the last one I had and we 'dry humped'. Please don't get upset I know you hate hearing about these clothed pregnancy scares and trust me, I've read your entire article about how you can't get pregnant when you're wearing clothing but what if I was really wet and they were leggings? I'm sorry for the question I know you hate these types of questions, I just had a weird period and I tend to overthink things😱
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Heather
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I'm not upset, it's just that I'm not going to say anything different about that than I already have: pregnancy isn't something that can happen when people have clothes on. Them being wet doesn't change anything. Fabric is still a barrier.

But it really is sounding more and more like this *is* too fast for you. With every post, I hear you voicing reservations, and I have yet to hear you say that the pacing feels right for you.

So, why don't you make that talk with your boyfriend a priority, and ask to slow things down some until you can figure out what IS a good pace for you that you do feel really good about, okay?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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moonandsun
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Okay thanks for all the help, I'll be sure to make that talk a priority
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OhImpecuniousOne
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Try not to worry too much about periods being odd: even if you're normally regular, periods being heavier/lighter/longer/shorter/missing/doubled up will probably happen to you sometimes. Bodies are weird. [Smile]
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moonandsun
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Haha thanks I'll try not to I guess just the timing of this and me and my boyfriend didn't correspond well
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