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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » I don't seem to enjoy sex

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Author Topic: I don't seem to enjoy sex
chrisS94
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I'm a 19 year old girl and I'm in relationship with a great guy. we've had sex three or four times but I'v never gotten much sexual satisfaction. Even though I have no problem reaching an orgasm when I masturbate I'v never been able to reach an orgasm with him. Though there are these little moments that I feel amazing most of the time I find my self just laying there without getting any sexual satisfaction. and he does everything to please me. he isn't selfish or anything. and I do feel happy just not satisfied.
its not that I don't like sex. when I think about being with him and doing things or when I play back an evening I spent with him I find my self extremely aroused. but when it comes to having sex most of the time I feel nothing.
I worry that there might be something wrong with me or that I'm doing it all wrong. if someone could please help me out I'd be very thankful

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Redskies
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When you say "sex" here, are you meaning all kinds of sex - for example, are you also having manual sex and/or oral sex with him and mostly feeling nothing - or are you meaning intercourse?

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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chrisS94
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I mean all kinds of sex. manual, oral and intercourse
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Okay.

So, is there a point, when you two are being physical together, where you go from being excited and having things - even things like just kissing, for example - feel really good to them feeling blah?

If so, can you fill us in a bit on that and what feels like is going on for you, emotionally or physically, when that happens?

Also, is this your only partner so far?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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chrisS94
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yes.That's exactly how I feel. one second it feels amazing and then the next it's gone and I don't even feel aroused. just feels like what ever.

I really want to enjoy it. In my mind I'm thinking "come on just enjoy it.this is supposed to feel amazing". But my body just doesn't seem to be in to it. I don't find any pleasure in what we are doing.

I know its wrong but sometimes I find my self staring off in to space, just waiting for him to finish. and its not because I don't want it but because I just don't feel anything.

I'v been with a guy before. I had manual and oral sex but I didn't go all the way with him. Even with him it wasn't exactly mind blowing but it wasn't as bad as this

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Heather
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Do you think it is possible you just do not connect with this person in this way?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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chrisS94
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I started to wonder that.But really like him. so I don't want that to be the problem. But since he's the only guy I'v been with I can't be sure.

Isn't it possible that with time things might get better? as in when I gain more experience? is there anything I could do that would help me?

also, apart from me not liking him that way could there be any other reason for this? health reasons perhaps. I'v read that some girls just don't like it. But I do. I get aroused and find my self really wanting it. I just want to be able to enjoy it when I'm actually having sex

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Heather
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I think making this bigger, about maybe just not liking being sexual with others, is a pretty giant leap to take having been with just one or two partners.

By all means, though, there are still some things to try with this guy first.

For starters, no more going through the motions when things are not feeling good to you. That is not going to help you out. You need to say something when things don't feel good, and ask to try something that you think might, be that making adjustments with a given activity, or switching up to something else.

Are you also telling and showing him what you know you like from your own masturbation? What feels good with sex with someone else is something we learn. It is rarely instant. So, you two are new to each other, which means it may just take more time, but communication has to be happening during that time, too.

[ 03-23-2014, 10:31 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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chrisS94
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I guess I'v been too shy to tell him but next time I will. I'll be more communicative with him and hopefully things will get better.

Thank you for your advice. I truly appreciate it [Smile]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Happy to help. [Smile]

I find that a good guideline for pacing sex with a new partner is that if you do not feel comfortable talking about something yet, it probably is too soon to do that thing.

In other words, if you set a pace where you are only doing things you have first developed enough trust and comfort together to talk about first, you are probably at about the right pace. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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