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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » yikes

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Author Topic: yikes
ShortAndSweet
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Hello! I hope you all had a nice holiday so far =)

I was just wondering, and please tell me if this is allowed or not, but my boyfriend and I are trying to expand our sex life by trying anal…any advice on my end? I hear it is painful…

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Have you already taken a look at some of the content we have on the main site about anal sex and that anatomy?

If not, why don't you start with these, then hop back if you want to talk about it more or have questions. [Smile]

Anal Sex Lowdown
With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body
Anal Sex Lowdown
Why does anal sex hurt?

This piece is also helpful in terms of any kind of sex with entry: Let's Get Metaphysical: The Etiquette of Entry

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ShortAndSweet
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Thank you! Those are helpful and informative!!

My boyfriend and I have tried it before, but ai guess I just need to learn to relax about it…he wants it to work so bad, and he's not forcing me or anything like that but I want to give it my best effort for him. Stupid I know haha

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Heather
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It's not stupid to want to please partners: shared pleasure is most often the aim of people having sex together.

But.

If your partner is feeling too urgent about this and too attached to it, and you also want TOO badly for him to get what he wants? Well, that's usually a recipe for bad sex, not the good stuff, no matter what kind of sex we are talking about.

So, when you said you heard it hurt, do you mean you have experienced it hurting? If so, what have you two talked about together, and/or tried, to only engage in any kind of anal sex that feels good for both of you?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ShortAndSweet
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He is not forcing me to do it at all, I just want to give it a good try for him.

We have tried it and when he is a little under half way in I tell him to stop and he does…It is an uncomfortable feeling that I guess I adjust wondering how it is going to go away and make it pleasurable for me…maybe I am just thinking it will hurt me or something

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Heather
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I didn't suggest that he was. Rather I was responding to the "he wants it to work so bad," when I talked about urgency. On both your parts.

So, have you tried anal sexual activity that does not involve his penis? Like with fingers or his mouth? If so, has any of that felt good?

On that point, has ANY anal activity you have tried so far actually felt good for you, rather than uncomfortable? Has it been pleasurable for you at all, in any way?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ShortAndSweet
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No, we have only tried with his penis.

and I find the one time i do enjoy it is when he is rubbing near and around my vagina at the same time

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Heather
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Okay. So, first things first, as nearly all of those linked articles told you, in a lot of ways, starting anal entry play, or anal sex of any kind, with a penis is a bit like jumping into the deep end of the pool before you learn to swim in the shallow end. (Kind of literally, in this case.)

So, I would suggest you step this way back, and first try exploring all by yourself, like with your own fingers, something very gentle, during masturbation, and if that feels good, then take smaller next steps with your partner, like by exploring with a lubricated, gloved finger, for instance, to see if that feels good, too.

If none of that feels good, then it is unlikely anal intercourse is going to feel good, either. But since it sounds like you also want to try this for yourself, how about starting small like with those suggestions first, and see how that goes?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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Btw, no sexual activity has to be done in isolation. So, combining things like intercourse with clitoral rubbing, for instance, is very common. It is also very common for people to find they enjoy things most when their most sensitive parts -- be that their brain, their clitoris, or both! [Smile] -- are being stimulated in some way, whether that is by itself or in conjunction with other activities.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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ShortAndSweet
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ok! thank you of your help!!
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Heather
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You're welcome. [Smile]

Feel free to swing back round if you still need more help, including if you find this just does not feel good to you, and need help working out how to let your partner know that, and come up with alternatives together, or help for either of you just accepting that often enough, we just can't do everything we like or want to with a given partner. (Which is going to happen in life, and often with some frequency!)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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