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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » horrible feeling after sexual activity

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Author Topic: horrible feeling after sexual activity
Alzoblossomxx
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Hi, well basically my boyfriend and I have been doing "things" if you get me, not intercourse but pretty much everything else: oral sex, manual sex etc. And it hasn't been for that long, 4 months at the most maybe.. However, recently we've started doing these things a lot more frequently.
We went on holiday together with my family and we did things together very frequently, and I felt fine then afterwards. I enjoy it before and during and usually afterwards until recently. We came home 2 weeks ago and since then, everytime we take part in these things, I get a weird feeling right after. I can't explain it, it's just not a good feeling is all I know. And I'll look at my boyfriend and I'll feel differently about us..
For a long time, after we did anything, my boyfriend would be sort of cold towards me for a while and I've told him this bugs me. He didn't realise he did it, and has promised to try not to do it anymore, so afterwards we just cuddle and talk now. But still, I get this weird feeling.
I told my boyfriend and he's ok with stopping doing anything until I feel more comfortable but I don't want to stop really - I enjoy it.
What do you think this feeling could be??

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Robin Lee
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Hi Alzoblossomxx,

Can you describe the feeling a little bit more? I know you're voicing having trouble describing it and that it's just not a good feeling.

Is it a physical feeling, a mental feeling, or both? When you say you feel differently about you and your boyfriend, what do you mean?

Do you get this feeling after all sexual or romantic activities or just after some specific ones?

Is anything new and different in general? What I mean is, has anything changed in your life? Are you feeling not-good about other things, having stress or worry, and so on?

How long has it been since you and your boyfriend changed how you do things after sexual activities (made sure you cuddle and talk afterwards) so you're feeling more connected with him?

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alzoblossomxx
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Member # 107538

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Hi Robin,
It's a mental feeling, I feel kind of just "not right" emotionally after we do any sexual activity.
Not really, I'm feeling pretty good about everything recently. I am quite an emotional person at the best of times anyway..
hmmm about 3 weeks maybe since we changed things a little

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Robin Lee
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So, do you think you're still worried that your boyfriend will be cold to you, even though you know that he wasn't intending to be and is willing to change things to help you feel better about it?

Sometimes, it can take a while for a person's emotions to catch up to their thoughts. In other words, you objectively know that you and your boyfriend are working to make sure that your after-sex time works for both of you, but emotionally you may still be feeling discomfort, especially if you were worried for a while about what you perceived as coldness.

I think it is sound for you two to take a break from the sexual activities that have been leaving you feeling not-good, and it sounds like your boyfriend is on board with this.

How are you feeling after less sexual affectionate activities (such as kissing, hugging, snuggling)

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Robin

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Alzoblossomxx
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I always feel good after kissing and hugging etc, i feel close to my boyfriend and i feel happy! I suppose you're right actually cause afterwards I felt kind of used and horrible so I suppose it's cause I'm used t him being kind of "cold"
right, you're right I think, thanks Robin [Smile]

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Robin Lee
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You're welcome. I think it can sometimes be hard for folks to remember that it's always okay to take a break from doing a sexual activity even if one has already been doing it.

Sounds like taking a break here from the things that are making you feel icky is just the thing.

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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