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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Sex partner on my mind since the "activity"

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Author Topic: Sex partner on my mind since the "activity"
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 50014

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May I share something kind of personal/vunerable but could use some support around?

I had casual sex (vaginal sex , for the first time-ish) in a consentual fun environment that made sense for me. I took care of myself and felt/feel very comfortable normal about it all.
It was fine - an experience and am looking forward to other future experiences through out my life time.

Since then, however, this partner has been on the periphery of my mind. It is not a romantic feeling or EternalLove type of feeling. I have other things like career to focus on and this person doesn't quiet fit the bill either due to age-disparity and other issues. It is more of general feeling that I'm not alone , kind of along those lines..

I think I am a bit afraid that there is something "wrong" with me that this person/the thought of them is kind of in the periphery of my mind. I have had this at times with people even though I didn't have a new kind of sex with them.

I guess I could use some support / comments around accepting that this is normal, maybe even healthy, that when I can share some part of my body with someone, that this is normal thought to have them / their shadow/my own preception of them in my mind.

[ 05-06-2012, 07:22 PM: Message edited by: breath ]

Posts: 357 | From: US | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
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I'm glad to hear that the experience was consentual and comfortable and that you took care of yourself.

I think that this is totally normal (Although, as a good friend of mine says: "Normal is a setting on your washing machine"). Having any kind of sex can be (and sounds like it was) very intimate and very personal. You quite literally can't get any closer to someone than that (well, except for when one is still a developing fetus but...).

I think that part of why you may be thinking so much about this partner is because we are socialized only about sex in the context of committed monogamous long-time relationships. We aren't usually socialized about casual sex, so even when we do everything possible to make the experience as awesome as possible for all involved, it can be hard to reconcile what that sex meant versus what we have been taught that sex means. Also, we are taught to attach a lot of meaning to vaginal sex, especially when it is the elusive "first time" (or in this case first time-ish), so it is totally understandable to be thinking about this person.

Perhaps I'm not the best person to judge whether it's normal to think this much about this person, since I tend to obsess over just about everything (I'm working on breaking that bad habit though).

May I ask why you feel that it isn't normal to think about this person so much?


I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 50014

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Thanks for the reply, moonlight.

I grew up in the culture that didn't talk about sex at all, so I don't have too too many notions about vaginal sex and by the time this happened, I had plenty of opportunities to resolve and find a view of vaginal sex that sounded good to me. So the 'vaginal' part of it is all quiet normal to me. However, perhaps there is a sub-concious element of it that perhaps I may be overlooking [Embarrassed] [Big Grin]

Can you describe more what you mean when you say "what that sex meant vs. what we have been taught that sex means". Ie. we have been taught that sex is a great wonderful life-changing bonding experience btw man and woman vs. a fun light interesting cool experience in the moment? If so, while that's interesting....that's not that I'm experiencing, at all.

I think it's more along the time of experiencing , as you said, "can't get any closer to someone than that" or rather, an opening of a way of being?

I think that at best, I can say that I feel as though there is a shadow behind me or in the periphery of my mind, that I am not alone...or in solidude. That's why I think that's rather strange? It is not even so much as objectively about this 'person' in question as it is these feeling around it.

( I'm really glad that I partook in this activity at a time/age when I am most self-aware, can distinguish what is really about this "person" vs. my own feelings conceptions around it, knew how to do self-care, how to enjoy and what it all meant to me.

In case you were wondering, to me, vaginal sex wasn't a priority of course but I was open to trying it. One time with another partner the tip went in but nothing more. With this person, one time half of it went it really easily and suprising and soon it was over. Then this time, suprisingy everything went inside very easily and without any pain or discomfort . It was short, brief introduction as I'd say. He didn't ejaculate and I wasn't really ready for that either. It was an experience.

To me , this is just a beginning and one of many awesome experiences of the future in different setting and different people , as per my interest etc.

So I'm glad that I have prespective etc)

[ 05-06-2012, 07:55 PM: Message edited by: breath ]

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