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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Virgin. Questions.

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Author Topic: Virgin. Questions.
Member # 95322

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Before you tell me what to do about my situation hear it out.

I am a dude.
I am 34 years old.
I am still a virgin.

Yes, I know, I am a loser, go ahead, point fingers, laugh.

I have been on very few dates, all with people that I have nothing in common with and have no business being around. I kissed a girl for the first time when I was 26 years old and the dates I did go to were always initiated by women. I tried asking out girls I liked, but my game is shit. No one has ever said yes. No one.

I feel like less of a man because of this. I am no Fabio either lookwise or bodywise, but I am not ugly either. I am sick of mastering "the game" to pick up women, because I've tried many approached throughout my teens, twenties and thirties. I am simply done with this shit.

But I am also ready to toss my V-card for good. I just feel like a boy who never grew up because of it.

Please do not get upset if these kinds of questions are unwelcome. I seriously do not know ANYTHING about sex and how to get it, so this board was my first guess. I don't mean to piss in anyone's Cheerios. It's the last thing on my mind. And I am not a troll, either.

I am humbly asking you, experts (compared to me anyway), what is a 34 year old virgin to do? This is not a scream of desperation, though I'm sure that is exactly what this comes off as. All I want to do is simply get laid. No pick up lines, no wining and dining, no awkward pauses and all that other teenage bullshit that I've seen way too much and gets absolutely nowhere. May be a little small talk, but when it's over I just put on my shit, wave good bye and leave.

[ 03-19-2012, 09:45 PM: Message edited by: akus ]


Posts: 1 | From: TX | Registered: Mar 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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akus: this is not a place where people laugh at each other's hardships or troubles or tend to go by common conceptions of who is or isn't a "loser." Really, no worries about that stuff: that's not kosher here, and our users support that really well amongst each other.

It's past my worktime and bedtime, so I'll circle back in the morning, but I'm wondering first, to check all the bases here, if you've ever tried connecting with people sexually by being very real and honest, trying to connect with people who DO seem like your own right people (whoever those folks are) to connect with, sans attempts at game, etc? I'd say that includes being candid about what you really want: you seem to be expressing a desire here for a one-night stand, so in asking if you've tried all of the above, I'd include being candid about that.

If you have, how has that gone? The same, any differently, etc?

I guess what I'm also curious about is if you feel like you bring any anger or resentment or self-loathing to the table in these interactions. All of that seems pretty on-the-surface in your post here, so I'm wondering if you think any of that is apparent to people you're meeting, too.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 95516

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I won't throw out any useless, falsified statistics, but there are plenty of women who want sex with no strings attached. I think a lot of men have the misconception that the only way you can get a woman into bed is to use pickup lines and other "games".

A lot of women are past that. They're sexually liberated, they know what they want and don't BS around about it.

I think you should drop all the games and be honest. If you meet a woman you're generally interested in and are upfront about the fact that you just want sex, you might get a more favorable response.

Of course I'm not saying the first woman you speak to is going to hop into bed with you because you were honest with her, but there are women who want the same thing you do. If you're honest and upfront about it, you can quickly see if you and a woman have those common interests.

P.S. I'm definitely going to start saying "I didn't mean to piss in anyone's Cheerios." That is absolutely hilarious.

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Arthur Lexington
Member # 95913

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If it is any assistance, do what you love and the love will return. I met my girlfriend at a video-game convention (no joke) where I was off from promoting my independant studio (Choose to believe it or dont, the fact is I was at a game-con) and she quite literally sat down and started off talking to me.

I'm a total loser in my rings too, and getting such an amazing person was probably luck for me, but if it is anything really just do what you love.

Upon closer examination it seems I probably am adressing a wrong issue, but who said the person that liberates you can't be the one who loves you?

Pax est mendacium, Mundus est mendacium, Fatum Terminatum

Posts: 13 | From: [CLASSIFIED] | Registered: May 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 56822

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Sex and relationships are so complicated, there's nothing wrong with not having a sexual relationship until later in life. Having a relationship that progresses to an intimate relationship is making yourself vulnerable (ie. showing the real you) so it's easy to understand why it can seem so daunting. Also, society puts out so much misinformation and innuendo regarding sex that it's no wonder you can be self-conscious for a long time. But take your time, take it easy and do things you enjoy that potential partners also do, and talk to people when you can, that's the best general advice I can give! [Smile]

[ 05-31-2012, 09:06 AM: Message edited by: WesLuck ]

Posts: 540 | From: Australia | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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