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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Low libido/painful sex?

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Author Topic: Low libido/painful sex?
pillowcaseblue
Neophyte
Member # 93339

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Sexual intercourse has never truly been pleasurable for me. I have had seven partners, and penetration hurt with every one of them. However, the pain was slight and bearable in the past. In the past few months, it has become a huge problem. My boyfriend takes time to make sure I'm turned on and lubricated. Even then, we use a water based lubricant. Regardless of the steps we take, penetration is still extremely painful. It mostly hurts at the entrance of my vagina; there seems to be plenty of room a couple of inches in.

I went to my GYN and she suspected the pain was coming from a yeast infection. I was doubtful, but took a prescription for three days. I just don't see how a yeast infection could be causing pain for over three months.

In addition, I have a low libido. I never get aroused anymore and have no desire to masturbate, have sex, or even kiss. I don't know if it is caused by my antidepressants or birth control. I have been taking both medications consistently for a year and this has never been an issue before. I'm guessing it's related to the pain.

Also, I was diagnosed with genital herpes over the summer but I have yet to have an outbreak and none of my partners tested positive. Could this have anything to do with it?

I just want a solution. Painful sex leads to a lack of sex, which leads to a strained relationship with my boyfriend. What should I do? [Confused]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, I'm a little confused, so let me make sure I get where you're at.

I hear you saying that with your boyfriend now, you don't engage in intercourse until you're really turned on, but then you also say you never get aroused anymore.

Can you fill me in on that so I have a clearer picture of the deal? Also, have you attempted any kind of vaginal entry sine taking the yeast treatment? If so, was anything any different?

Oh, a couple more things: have you tried entry on your own with masturbation and if so, is that also painful? With partners have you always been using condoms? If not, does condom or no condom make any difference?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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pillowcaseblue
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Well I guess that's the probably. Physically, my body is aroused. I get wet and my vagina widens. But mentally I'm just not caught up in the moment.

With masturbation on my own, I never insert anything bigger than my index finger, so it doesn't hurt. Two fingers or wider is a problem, so naturally a penis is painful.

I've been inconsistent with condom use with my current boyfriend. Condoms seem to irritate me more, but there's still incredible pain without them.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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(I'm afraid I have to end my workday now: so sorry to leave you hanging. I'll pick this up with you first thing in the morning though.

If you could leave me anything, on if you have EVER felt any strong desire to be sexual with any of these partners: like, if and when you HAVE felt desire in your head, felt very strongly sexually attracted, etc. and if things felt different or the same, that'd help me get started.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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pillowcaseblue
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*problem, oops.

What I don't understand is that I don't even feel like kissing!

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pillowcaseblue
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And I never have had a problem with arousal in the past. I used to be horny 24/7 up until a few months ago. I was very attracted to most of my partners and very turned on when I had sex with them.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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So, a couple last things:

1) You don't experience any vaginal or vulval pain otherwise? Only with penis-in-vagina intercourse?

2) Can I ask what your motivation is for engaging in intercourse? Since it's something it seems you have never had any positive experiences with (or, have you? Has it felt positive in other ways?), and find hurts, when you attempt it anymore, can you fill me in on why you do?

Per the issues of low or no desire, these are recent: anything else recent? This relationship you're in, it's going really well, you're feeling really great about it, it benefits you, etc?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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pillowcaseblue
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1. Correct.
2. I have intercourse to feel more emotionally attached to my partner, despite the pain.
3. The relationship I'm in has had a bit of trouble as of late. My boyfriend started drinking during the first semester of college, and that upset me. He also started hanging out with his ex girlfriend and also befriended a girl who said very hurtful things to me.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Do you find that you do actually feel more emotionally attached during intercourse? If so, why do you think it is you feel that way about that sexual activity vs. others?

If you're having trouble in your relationship, that's much more likely to be impacting your desire in a big way than something like a birth control pill or yeast infection. Have you two been working on resolving these issues? If so, how's that going?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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pillowcaseblue
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I do feel more attached, but I also feel that attachment when we're just cuddling too. Sex just doesn't have the same intimacy level that it used to.

I took him to therapy with me once to try and sort things out. We tried to compromise but eventually things fell apart. The biggest problem for me is the drinking and I can't seem to get over it. As of yesterday, my boyfriend and I are on a break.

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pillowcaseblue
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The drinking bothers me for a few reasons. First, he never drank in high school. He's experimenting but he's not being entirely safe. The first time he got drunk, we were out a Halloween party. He's a tall guy, but having 10 drinks (two of which were full cups of liquor) in two hours will mess with anyone. I spent the entire night taking care of him as he got sick. He was okay the next two times he got drunk, but the most recent incident he got sick again. I know it's about figuring out your limit, but he doesn't know what he's doing. He doesn't eat or drink enough water before hand, and he only drinks liquor.

Second, the drinking is a problem because of my own issues with it. I drank once and had a horrible experience. There's no point in me drinking because of my medication and anxiety. However, part of me wishes I could cut loose and drink too. I think I'm jealous of the freedom he experiences when he's drunk. I don't get to have any sort of emotional escape, but he does. Now, that's my own problem, and he can't help it.

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WesLuck
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He is setting a bad example though by drinking to excess. Normally when one doesn't take good care of themselves, they don't tend to take care of other people too.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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It certainly sounds like you're very deeply bothered by this, and I can certainly understand why.

Like I said, conflict like this very likely is playing at least some part when it comes to your libido. Having big problems in the relationship where we're having sex tends to impact our sex lives and sexual feelings pretty deeply. To boot, I'd posit that part of a change in desire can also be an intuitive tip that engaging in sex probably isn't the wisest thing until you start getting conflict resolved: IOW, that's where your time and energy is likely best spent, and emotionally, it's probably not so safe or sound to be engaging in sex with a partner you feel upset with. Know what I mean?

So, sounds to me like for now, your best plan might be to focus on dealing with this, then later address the libido issue if it still is one. We can help with this if you like.

Per the pain, though, even though it may be related, I think I'd also want to see what you got back per a second opinion form a different OB/GYN than you've seen. Ideally, one who specializes or at least has good background in vulvovaginal pain.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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