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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Girlfriend doesnt know anything about sex

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Author Topic: Girlfriend doesnt know anything about sex
Member # 93261

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how do i get my girlfriend to do more sexual things with me? she told me she wants me to be her first but she hasnt fooled around with me at all yet

ive fingered her numerous times and she told me she liked it

she will get on top of me all the time and dry hump and she seems like she wants to please me

but she hasn't done anything for me yet. Hasnt even seen it yet.

how do i get her to at least explore around more? i cant just come out and be like give me a hand job

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Executive Director & Founder
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You could certainly ASK her if she's interested in hand jobs. And that's what someone would do when they want to do something sexual with someone else soundly and consensually: they'd just ask them, clearly.

Have you two talked about what she feels ready to do and wants to do and what you do? Like, not guessed, just sat down and talked about it?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
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Open communication in any relationship is paramount. You can't "make" your girlfriend do anything. What you can do is discuss these things with her and find out where both of your boundaries lie, and explore within the most limited boundaries. But this is something you both should talk about. Here's a few articles about this:
Yes, no, maybe so: a sexual inventory stocklist
Driver's Ed for the Sexual Highway, navigating consent

Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readyness Checklist

[ 01-01-2012, 06:52 PM: Message edited by: moonlight bouncing off water ]


I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 93256

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from experience i know what you mean. not exactly but in a way im in your girlfriends shoes. me and my boyfriend use to be the same. and the main key is just communication. i was the same like your girlfriend before but now im not and i please my boyfriend as well.

before when he would be fingering me i would think 'yeah i want to please him to like he does to me but will it make me seem like i want to have sex right away or will it give off the idea that im easy.' they were just many negative thoughts running thru my mind so i didn't give him a hand-job or anything. after a while like the night we have a hook-up (and he fingered me) he would send me a flirty text whether i like it or not and how it could be better. then he would ask about my opinion of giving guys hand-jobs and so on so it would start a conversation about how we could please each other. at first it felt awkward but then it wasn't. and it got easier knowing how we could both please each other and since its by text there was no really awkward moment because you weren't face-to-face. but eventually soon you will have to have those conversations in person to be comfortable with your girlfriend.

what im also trying to say is that she just might be too scared or intimidated about what you'll say or your response if she gives you a hand job. she could also not know the 'right' way to give a hand-job or maybe she doesn't like to give hand jobs? nobody but her knows what she's thinking for sure. but if you try really hard talking to her and let her know that her opinion matters to you a lot she could eventually open up and say why she wont please you in return. but do know that the timing in which she will tell you this MIGHT not be that day or the next. and it could be a week or two depending on how much you show that you truly care.

Posts: 6 | From: Panama | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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and always remember, you cant force her into thinking that she owes you because of how you have pleased her. its our choice whether to do something or not to do it.
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I used to be exactly the same as your girlfriend. From my experience (and this may be completely different in your girlfriend's case, so communication is key), I know I was scared of the thought of touching my boyfriend, mainly because I was scared of doing it "wrong" and not being able to please him. This came from both my lack of experience, and a part of me that hates to seem like I can't do something perfectly.

My main piece of advice: DO NOT try to make her do something she is uncomfortable with. In my case, my boyfriend asked me why I wasn't trying, which left me feeling bad that I wasn't pleasuring him while he was pleasuring me. I can tell you right now that that is not a good dynamic in which to partake in sexual activities. You need to open a gentle and trusting form of communication in which she can talk about why she may not be ready just yet.

Above all, respect her wishes [Smile] if she says she just isn't ready yet, well, there isn't much you can do about that. Communicate well with her and read the links posted before, I know they helped me a lot.

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Member # 93862

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i was weary of it too at first like your gf but while lying next to each other he led my hand down and i guessed the rest. =D
Posts: 5 | From: Auz | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
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I'm glad that worked well for you, Billy! But in general, we encourage partners to actively voice what they'd like, and to ask if they are not sure what the other would like. Guessing can lead to wrong assumptions and unnecessary misunderstandings.

Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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