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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Sex positions?

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Author Topic: Sex positions?
tbelle
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My BF and I have been trying other sex positions, but for me, they all seem to hurt or feel uncomfortable except for one position. If I'm on top of him, it feels okay. But if he's on top, or sideways, it feels like he hits something. It almost feels like he's hitting my bladder. Is this normal?
Posts: 107 | From: New England | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Are you talking about one kind of sex only? If so, sounds like you mean intercourse: do I have that right?

If I do, when you're having intercourse, in any position, are you always VERY turned on beforehand and during, and holding off on intercourse until you've been engaging in other sexual activities you enjoy for a while before you begin?

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tbelle
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Yes, I am talking about intercourse.

He usually does oral sex on me for a while before we start, but I don't think it helps. I don't know what we're doing wrong.

I do feel like the condom feels "rubbery" and uncomfortable. We tried using lube once, and it slipped inside me and I had to go to the ER. So, we're a bit scared of using lube with a condom again.

And this inability to enjoy intercourse between the two of us makes us both feel very self-conscious. Like we're just not good at sex or that we're incompatible sexually. I'd say that we have had enjoyable sex (intercourse) very few times....and we've been sexually active together for over a year now.

However we do enjoy other sex activities just fine and do them quite often without any issue.

[ 12-17-2011, 09:19 AM: Message edited by: tbelle ]

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Heather
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Can you tell me what you mean by 'you don't think it helps?" As in, you don't find that super-exciting? What about spending time being sexual beyond any kind of genital sex, too?

What kind of condoms are you using? And you're now not using lube? (Just FYI, you probably didn't have to go to the ER: the vagina has an end, so getting the condom out was probably something you could have done yourself, especially after arousal died down. IOW, I would not blame lube for an ER trip.)

I feel like you're bringing up thing here that I feel a bit lost with: are you saying that no matter what position is going on, vaginal intercourse isn't comfortable or enjoyable for you? If so, has that been the case only with this partner, or with other partners before, as well?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tbelle
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I have never had another partner (with intercourse), so I really don't know.

I went to the ER because I needed EC as well. I had no idea what would happen to me so I panicked. But anyway...

I guess I was just concerned because sex is fine if I'm sitting on his penis. This is because he's not actively pushing into my vagina, so it doesn't hurt. I just wanted to know if that was a cause for concern or not.

Even if I feel like having intercourse, if he enters my vagina in any position that's "pushing" into me, it hurts or feels uncomfortable. It doesn't hurt a LOT, no. Also the next day I feel crampy. Just wanted to know if this was normal.

I'm going to see the OB/GYN soon and I'll ask there as well.

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Heather
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When you say that when you're on top with intercourse, it feels fine, do you mean that it feels good, or just that it doesn't hurt? I'm asking because knowing that can help me help you a bit better.

And do I have it right that you're not using any lubricant?

As well, in those other positions, have you two tried doing them in a way where he isn't pushing into you, but you're more pushing into him, more like it sounds like you're kind of controlling a lot of the action, as it were, when on top?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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tbelle
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Just very recently, we had sex (intercourse) and I tried putting just a small bit of lubricant on the tip of the condom. That seemed to help.

We tried doing a rather strange sex position that we saw a picture of - and it felt a lot better for me (I'm sure you don't care about the details).

I guess it's just trial and error. I never realized that sex for a female would hurt or not hurt depending on the position you're in. And yes it does help to be very turned on.

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Heather
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For sure, no matter what kind of sex we're talking about, practice does tend to make perfect. I mean, sure, every now and then we'll luck out, the stars will align, and what we try randomly will also happen to feel really good. But that's less common than people needing to take time to explore their body, the body of their partner, and do a lot of experimenting and communicating to find the sweet spots, as it were.

I do think you'd be helped by going back to using lubricant, and likely more than a tiny drop. I can really assure you that lube is not what landed you in the ER, and even if it did...well, walking down the street, driving in cars, stepping off the front porch lands people in the ER, too, and you don't see folks usually stopping those things if and when they have something happen, you know?

It can also help to look for some patterns. For instance, if this position, that one and this other one feel good, and this one and that other one don't, what are the differences between those two groups? Both in what they are, geometry-wise, but also how you're doing them. For instance, you talked about positions where your partner was doing the pushing feeling bad, but in almost any position, you can be the one doing more movement. Know what I mean?

Or, a certain angle might be the common piece of what doesn't feel good and what does. Just be observant, and see what you come up with.

And for sure, if you're not really turned on before intercourse, wait for it until you are. If you stop being turned on during, don't keep going at it. But I assume you already know those bits?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68053 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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