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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Should I lose my virginity? :l

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Author Topic: Should I lose my virginity? :l
blackoutx3
Neophyte
Member # 70709

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I'm sorry if this is really long but I don't really know what to do, I'll try to keep it short.
So basically, I have really strong feelings for my best friend who's 3 years older than me, but he's gay. He knows I like him though but he can't really do anything about it.
I get bullied a lot,(and when I say a lot, I mean a LOT. Like, having to switch schools and call the police a lot.) by my old group of friends, including a guy I liked for almost a year.
I'm 15, I've never really "done anything". I've only kissed 2 guys, and that's all I've done.
I met this guy and he was all over me, but he had a girlfriend. Now, him and his girlfriend broke up, and we started talking again. He asked me to have sex with him, and I said "maybe."
I don't know if I should though. He's not my boyfriend, and I'm really nervous. I also kind of feel like a slut for just randomly having sex with this guy. A part of me feels like I may just be settling for him because I can't have my best friend, and I'm just doing it because I'm so upset by everything else that's going on in my life. But then, the other half of me thinks that I should do it and get it over with, and I feel like I want to lose my virginity, and maybe I'll end up dating this guy. My best friend said that I should do it, but most of my other friends said I shouldn't.
I have no idea how I feel :l Please help? Thank you so much xx

Posts: 1 | From: NY | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eryn_smiles
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I'm so sorry to hear that you get bullied alot. And about having feelings for your gay friend. That's really rough. Who do you have around to support you right now? Like friends and family? Are your teachers aware of the bullying?

When you start your post with a sad face and also mention that you said "maybe", that you don't know if you should and you're really nervous, all of that suggests to me that you don't want to have sex with this guy. Although friends can offer opinions, what matters most is how you feel about it. AS well, when we have lots of difficult things going on in our lives, that's often not the best time to be starting new sexual relationships. It's important to take care of ourselves first.

Scarleteen has a really good article around judging how ready you are for sex, have a read:
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/ready_or_not_the_scarleteen_sex_readiness_checklist

By the way, it would be really common to be 15 and not have had sexual contact yet. You're far from alone.

[ 07-06-2011, 06:23 AM: Message edited by: eryn_smiles ]

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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bump on a log
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I wouldn't really recommend doing this just to get it over with. I would guess that that is not usually a recipe for a real great time.

Another thing -- this may not apply to you, but when I was your age I too got bullied, though not as badly as you, and was in unrequited love with my best friend, and when your emotions are getting thrown around like that you're particularly likely to get hurt even more, just because you're raw in so many places.

What do you know about this guy? You haven't said very much about him. Does he seem nice, do you get along, does he seem like someone who'd care about how you felt?

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Djuna
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Hi there, blackout! Welcome to the boards. [Smile]

Just FYI, your post wasn't what we'd call long around here, by any means, and you're welcome to write however much you feel you want to. So no worries on that! While we're on the subject of how we work around here, by the way, this is a safe space for everyone, so for example using the label "slut" to describe people who have sex with people they don't know well isn't okay. Just an FYI. [Smile]

I'm sorry that you get bullied a lot - well done on getting out of those situations before by switching schools! Is bullying something that also happens to you at your current school?

I want to say, just by the way, that I wouldn't consider having kissed two people "not having done anything." We all have lots of different kinds of life experience, and all of it is worthwhile, not just things that are sexual or romantic. To boot, a lot of us have more life experience than we give ourselves credit for, you know?

What I'm hearing with this guy is that he wants to have sex with you, and you're maybe possibly interested in that but not sure if you're ready, but you might like to date him. Am I getting that right?

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In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I dont know what I am. I dont know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.

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anonymousfour
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I'm sorry that you've been bullied-I've been too, and it's not fun.

As far as losing your virginity-that is your choice! If you are safe and comfortable and want to, go for it. But, what worries me about this guy is your statement "I feel like I want to lose my virginity, and maybe I'll end up dating this guy." It's fine to feel like you want to lose your virginity, but I would first ask yourself-are you just having sex so that he'll feel obligated to date you? Maybe he will, maybe he won't. Or, are you just having sex to have sex? Those are two very different things and making that distinction in your mind is important.

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