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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » guys and virgins..

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Author Topic: guys and virgins..
Kaytie
Neophyte
Member # 63561

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Hey Everyone,

so im 18 and i'm still a virgin, sex is something that scares me and sometimes i think that there is something wrong with me, my last guy i was seeing broke up with me when he found out i was a virgin because he said he didn't have sex with virgins because it was too much commitment. i just feel like when you get to 18 guys don't want anything to do with girls that are virgins...

any input?

Kaytie

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Hey I'm Kaytie, im 18, a nursing student and i'm not sure i believe in love anymore </3

Posts: 5 | From: Canadaaa | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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I'm so sorry that your last partner behaved so immaturely. But that does not mean that this is going to happen with every guy. There are also plenty of guys out there who would be willing to respect you and act with more care.

You are also, by far, not the only person who is 18 years old and hasn't had sex yet. I myself was 19 the first time I had sex! You're doing just fine, okay?

Now, do you want to talk about why sex scares you?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kaytie
Neophyte
Member # 63561

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mostly i am afraid of not being good at it, and because i am not sure that it is going to be good for him, and that i wont know what to do, i also contemplated not telling him i was a virgin and just pretending i wasn't just so he wouldn't leave me..

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Hey I'm Kaytie, im 18, a nursing student and i'm not sure i believe in love anymore </3

Posts: 5 | From: Canadaaa | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Here's what you need to be "good at" sex: be honest, communicate with your partner, be creative.

That's it. Really. The rest is about experimenting, finding what works best for you and your partner, and having fun.

But if this is something that's got you seriously freaked, then it may also be a sign that you're simply not ready yet to go there. That's fine, too: we all get to go at our own pace. The most important thing is to listen to your body and only go as far as you are comfortable.

Also? Any guy who leaves you because you haven't had sex yet isn't a guy that you want to be with, anyway.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kaytie
Neophyte
Member # 63561

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i wishh i could believe the last part..

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Hey I'm Kaytie, im 18, a nursing student and i'm not sure i believe in love anymore </3

Posts: 5 | From: Canadaaa | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SylviaT
Neophyte
Member # 70557

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No, it's true. You want your first experience to be one you won't regret and a guy that walks out because he doesn't want the "commitment" is a guy that doesn't truly respect you in the first place. I was 18 when I lost my virginity and the guy I was with was also a virgin. We'd had a relationship for over a year befor it happened and we both communicated that it wouldn't happen until we were BOTH ready. Most of my friends are horrified that I've even engaged in sex and we're all in college so you're not alone and are completely normal. Plus, waiting until you're ready and with a partner who respects you (they are out there and are the ones who don't leave over sexual issues) ensures that your first sexual experience will be a good one.
Posts: 3 | From: MO | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Kaytie: can I ask you to think about, and try to express your thoughts on, why you think you've put so much stock in this one person's behavior, to the degree that it sounds like you think he represents how all people will behave around this?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
RemoteVillager
Neophyte
Member # 71192

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Here is another vote: That guy walking out because you are a virgin, you don't want.

Believe me, there are genuine, caring people out there. Stay strong and true to yourself. Examine your feelings and reasons, as Heather suggests.

Posts: 2 | From: Earth | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
anonymousfour
Neophyte
Member # 69161

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When you're with a good guy (or girl!) it's not about whether you are a virgin/not a virgin. It's about them wanting to be with you and make the relationship work. I'm sorry that this guy was a jerk to you because of your virginity-I understand from experience, believe me.

I'm a 21 year old virgin and proud of it. I have not had sex yet NOT because I believe premarital sex is wrong or any of that but because I have simply not found the right guy to do it with yet! I'm now in a happy relationship with a person, who, let's just say has been around the block a few times. At first it made me nervous because he is way more experienced than me, but we had a long discussion about my limits and his limits and he says that he RESPECTS ME EVEN MORE because I have not given up my virginity to any old guy that comes along and this will make it special if we do decide to have sex.

Moral? No person should ever pressure you to have sex. The decision and your sexuality is an important part of who you are and you should embrace it. It today's day and age being a virgin is actually unique, and a genuine guy will probably be fascinated to hear why you have not had sex and respect you for it. However, I will say that if sex and your virginity is important to you, I would wait before doing it. If he stays, that means he's worth it. If he dumps you because you don't have sex, he's not worth it. It took many broken hearts for me to learn this. There are plenty of other things you can do sexually to have fun (and don't run the risk of pregnancy!), and they don't have to be intercourse! [Wink]

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Loving With Lust
Neophyte
Member # 72574

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Oh no no no! I hate those type of guys!
Kaytie, there is nothing wrong with being an 18 year old virgin! In fact, I don't think I'll have a "complete" relationship till I am 20 years old! If you are not ready, you are not! End of story! Any man that trully loves and respects you will be willing to wait. Shame on him. There is nothing wrong with you. Forget about this ignorant fool and move on, you are perfect just the way you are! [Smile]

Wish you the best,
Loving With Lust

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Δεν γίνεται ζωή χωρίς άνδρες. ~Χάρις Αλεξίου

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Brennan
Activist
Member # 72864

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I'm a guy, and although I'm notably different from most guys, I can personally say I'd -prefer- my partner to be a virgin. In my case right now, I'd love not having to worry about what they've experienced before, because I'm not so sure how to perform sexual acts myself. (I'm a virgin as well) It's also decadently romantic... Losing one's virginity to a virgin.

Being a seventeen year old virgin, and starting to go to a college with mostly 23-35 year old non-virgins is really starting to make me doubt I'll ever be able to have my 'neophyte love' as it were.

I'd say the most important things to remember is that I'm just like any other guy, (in most ways) and I'd honestly consider your virginity a selling point. Keep strong, keep moving, and good things will surely come to you.

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Evan
Activist
Member # 54451

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in my experience, that guy will have been in a minority, most guys like virgins either because they like being the one you give it to or because they dont have any/much experience either. there are guys who dont like virgins, for several reasons. it could be that they want the girl to take charge, it could be that theyre bored of 'teaching' girls, it could be that they dont want the girl to get too attatched to them or (like me) they have no experience and want the girl to have enough to compensate.

either way, there are 1000's of guys who wont mind a virgin girl, especially at 18 (18, not 40) and if being a virgin is getting you down so much, it isnt hard for a girl to lose it tbh

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AmityJane
Neophyte
Member # 48828

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I think that it is important that you remember that if a person is put off or at all critical of your virginity, they do not deserve to have sex with you. It is not a race to lose your virginity, many do not lose it until their 20s and your age isn't late at all. Please remember that who you lose it to will be a part of your history forever, do not just lose it for the sake of it. Wait for someone special, because although you might not realise yet, sex is just brilliant when you are in a loving, long term relationship. I'm not religious or anything, but lost my virginity to a boy that I have been dating for a long time. We are so in love and I can't imagine having sex with someone i do not care about. Trust me, do not rush it. When you meet the right person you will know.
Posts: 26 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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