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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » How to get laid (Page 2)

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Author Topic: How to get laid
music2myears612
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my advice get better friends sorry but they don't sound the greatest. It sounds like because their doing stuff you want to be like them. And your 17 that's very young why are you so intent on losing your virginity?
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music2myears612
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I don't think you have the right attitude about all this in my opinion. What if you regret a one night stand what if you want something more with this girl and she doesn't, then you will be crushed right? Are you even ready and willing to engage in sexual things little lone with a girl you are just going to meet? And I don't really like how your labeling the girls certain things at that school when you don't even know them. I don't know if casual sex will even make you happy.

[ 07-09-2011, 05:25 PM: Message edited by: music2myears612 ]

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Evan
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no thats untrue, i dont do things because i want to be like them. i know i wouldnt regret a one night stand, and it would make me happy
i want to lose my virginity for several reasons
-the pleasure of having sex
-the feeling of knowing i could get a girl into bed, and knowing that she liked me even a little and found me slighly attractive. knowing that, like my friends, i am good enough to get laid
those are the main two reasons
other include
-experience, so i can talk about it, boost my confidence with girls

heather-i have always thought i was the odd man out with any friends, its no secret i lack confidence and because of that i feel isolated, even though i know i am wel liked. also, i am the newest addition to this group of friends and no one likes feeling like the newbie. finally, i am one of the olny virgins in the group. they dont pick on me for this or anything, but i feel inadequate next to them. they can get a girl to sleep with them or go out with them like its nothing, yet i cant. they have something i dont, theyre better looking or girls like them more and thats what upsets me. girls will have sex with my friends but not one of them will sleep with me

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Kachina
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If you go about having sex the way you've mentioned in this post, I can pretty much assure you that you will not get the first two things on that list.

If you are only 17 and your friends are of similar age, I highly doubt you are the only virgin. Unless you've actually seen these people having sex, you don't honestly know what kind of sex life anyone else has.

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~Kat
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Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

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Heather
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quote:
heather-i have always thought i was the odd man out with any friends, its no secret i lack confidence and because of that i feel isolated, even though i know i am wel liked. also, i am the newest addition to this group of friends and no one likes feeling like the newbie. finally, i am one of the olny virgins in the group. they dont pick on me for this or anything, but i feel inadequate next to them. they can get a girl to sleep with them or go out with them like its nothing, yet i cant. they have something i dont, theyre better looking or girls like them more and thats what upsets me. girls will have sex with my friends but not one of them will sleep with me
So, Evan, I'm curious. How do you think you might feel in a social group where the perceived norms were very different than in this one?

In other words, if, in your social group, most or more people were not having sex or weren't saying they have sex all the time, what difference do you think that would make for you? Do you think that you'd feel less of the "odd man out," and feel like the pressure was less on to be sexual?

What about if those social group had more people in it who you felt looked like you do? How do you think that'd change how you've been feeling?

If those questions are tricky, before you connected with this social group, were you in any others were you felt like you belonged more, and where it felt more like others were more of where you're at? If so, how did you feel then about all of this?

Now comes the part where I'm going to be very real with you and ask what might be an uncomfortable question. Sometimes, some people will kind of play off of someone else to get what they want for themselves. For instance, it isn't unheard of for someone to hang out with someone else who, by virtue of something -- be it their behaviour, their social skills, the way they look -- makes that person look better to others, and so it gets even easier for them to get what they want by comparison. Some people do that on purpose, others don't realize they're doing that.

Like I said, I know that's a really uncomfortable possibility, but do you think something like that might be going on at all with you and some of the guys you're hanging out with?

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Captain Girl
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quote:
the feeling of knowing i could get a girl into bed, and knowing that she liked me even a little and found me slighly attractive. knowing that, like my friends, i am good enough to get laid
So what it sounds like from here is, if you can convince a girl to sleep with you, that will mean that you're at least a little bit attractive. But if you can't/haven't done so, it appears to mean that no one finds you the slightest bit attractive at all.

This is not good logic.

It's not all happy magic out there in the Land of Sex, okay? Plenty of people have had sex and gone on to discover that their partners did not, in fact, like them at all, or find them the slightest bit attractive. People who just needed dinner, or a place to spend the night and thought that sex was the way to get it, or people who figured they could have some fun with their eyes shut. You're setting yourself up to be badly hurt.

You've said a couple of times that you want this experience so that you can talk about it, but you don't need to actually have sex in order to talk about having sex. Many, MANY conversations about sex contain a lot of fiction. I kind of want to tell you to go see "Easy A", and reevaluate the social concerns here.

Finally: Doing what everyone else does is often not a good way to be cool. Aside from the fact that it isn't guaranteed to work, it requires you to substitute your (possibly inaccurate) impression of the most usual behavioral judgment of a group of people for your own, independent assessment of what you want to do and why you want to do it.

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Evan
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@KatWA-Trust me, most of my friends have had sex. Most of them have girlfriends, or had them. And we go to a lot of parties, and ive seen them on several occasions making out with varios girls and going into rooms alone with them only to hear about how theyve had sex half an hour later. It also helps that the majority of my female friends are very promiscuous.

@Heather-I dot think Id feel any different. A year ago at the end of school I had no friends, so I started habging out with the nerdy kids. Even then I wantedto have sex badly, because I knew that most people were doing it. I dint hear about it first hand, but I overheard hings in class, especially drama class where I was the only guy mixed in ith 10 girls, all who loved talking about sex with various guys from school. There are virgins in my friendship group, one guy im mates with has only had a BJ and aside from me he is literally the only virgin in his group. I have some virgin friends but not many, maybe 4 or 5. It was 6 but then he went and got a girlfriend, who just so happens to be one of my closest friends. The thing is, most of my virgin friends dont care about sex or relationships or any of that, theyre more interested in other things, such as whiskey and music etc
I dont think Im the ugliest in the group, guyes less attractive than me have ahd sex that I know, and I like hanging around in a group where there no conventionally attractive people, male or female.
Honestly, no, because before this social group there wasnt really a social group. I had 3 friends in year 6, towards year 9 that grew to maybe 10 but we were all in school, we had nothing in common, we were just friends by cirumstance. With my new friends, I feel we have plenty in common. And some of the guys im friends with i was friends with in childhood. I guess at the end of year 11 when I was hanging with the 'losers', I felt more at home because I was a lose too. All we did was sit around at lunch playing cards, making jokes only wed get. I felt very at home, because they couldnt judge me. It was the first time I was the best looking and coolest in a group. But I didnt feel like I belonged ther and wasnt happy, so Ive found new friends Im happier with.
No, honestly I dont believe my friends are doing that. My frends from college and I are very close, I know they wouldnt do that. And some of them Ive known since I was 2. I can tell when Im being used because Ive had it done to me a lot, and I know these guys arent doing that. Initially my mum worried about that, because she wasnt used to the prospect of me having friends and was very protective but now she knows them she can testify Im not being used

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Evan
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@CaptainGirl-I think that is logical. I mean, if most guys I know are having sex, and personality wise Im a lot like those guys, it must be my looks that keep me a virgin. And even if it isnt my looks, its my personality then. I have an awfl personality. Or itsmy approach, I have an awful approach. It doesnt matter ether way, because right now Ive never had sex and I dont know why, but it certainly isnt out of choice. Its not that hard to come by, most guys are having it, its only really me and a few other in my group that cant get it, whats wrong with us? why wont girls sleep with us?


Those are extreem circumstances, generally if a girl has sex with a guy at a party or after dating him a few weeks she likes him and finds him attractive.

Seen that film, like it a lot.

I dont want to lie about any experiences, mostly because no one would believe me anyway
But when im talking tomy friends and theyre like
'I had sex with ____ last night'
'I pulled that ___ lass at that party the other night'
itd be nice if i could say
'I once had sex with___' or 'I finally lost my virgiity to ____ a few days ago'

But the conversation is a small reason. The main 2 reasons are for the fun of having it and because I want to feel like Im good enough.
Im not doing it to be cool. I dont care about being cool, even if none o my friends were having sex (like in year 11) i would still want it because, and ill say this in capitals so you get it
MOST PEOPLE CAN GET LAID
I CANT GET LAID
WHY CANT I GET LAID? SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY LOOKS, MY PERSONALITY? *CONFIDENCE=LOWERED

but then if I do have sex

I HAD SEX
A GIRL LIKED ME, EVEN A LITTLE
SHE LIKED ME ENOUGH TO HAVE SEX WITH ME
PROBABLY FOUND ME A LITTLE ATTRACTIVE TOO
*CONFIDENCE=INCREASED

please dont question my reasons, anything you say wont change my opinion. The fact of the matter is, you must know how frustrating it is when you try your best to accomplish something but fail miserably. Its even worse when most people succeed sometimes when you fail everytime

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Evan
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hahaha oh the irony, one of those guys i used to hang out with lost his virginity yesterday XD if i didnt laugh id cry....even he can get laid yet i cant

wow that sounded a lot less mean in my head :/

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Heather
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Sorry I missed this post.

So, about that guy and his having sex.

What was his story with that, if it's okay to share? In other words, how does it seem that happened for him?

And what is it about him that makes him an "even him" to you? In other words, it sounds like you're suggesting there's something that makes him "unworthy" (for lack of a better word) of engaging in sex. If I have that right, what is it that gives you that sense?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Angus
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Following up late as well:

Evan, a lot of us -- in this thread and others -- have given you a range of answers to your "why can't I get laid" question, and offered a variety of suggestions about things you could try. You've mostly brushed those answers and suggestions off.

To me it doesn't seem so much that you're looking for advice as that you're trying to justify the approach to sex that you've got, an approach that you yourself can see isn't bringing you the results you want.

I'm honestly having a hard time understanding why that is.

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Evan
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im having a hard time understanding too angus, if you recap some of the advice ive supposedly brushed off id be happy to explain why i did so, or give it another chance.

Not really a very interesting story, hes an unpopular guy who no one really likes or is attracted too, so he asked out an unpopular girl who no one really likes or is attracted too and they had sex.
Its not that I think hes unworthy, Im very happy for him, I remember when we were good friends. I guess Im just kinda downhearted that it seems like just about everyone is having sex, not just the popular and attractive, but everyone. It seems like Im the only person who doesnt, and never has had someone.
And I guess I said even him because looking at the guy, hes not the type of person youd expect to be having sex. Hes not very good looking, doesnt take care of his appearance, not prticularly outgoing or confident, not very exiting or interesting. Most people were suprised he had had sex because he was the kind of person you could imagine being a 40 year old virgin. Obviously hes entitled to have sex, but its depressing when a guy considered to be at the bottom of the social ladder can have more sex than you.

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Angus
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Well, you got a huge amount of good advice in this other thread:

http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/3/t/011200/p/1.html

Too much there to summarize quickly, but it'd be well worth re-reading.

And earlier in the thread we're in now, I offered the following:

quote:
If a woman thinks that sex with you will be fun for her, she'll be more inclined to have sex with you. That's just a fact. And if anything, that question is probably more important in the world of casual sex, not less.

All of which means that your belief that "whether the sex is good or not is irrelevant" to convincing someone to have sex with you is a barrier to you finding a sexual partner. That's not just self-improvement advice, it's getting laid advice too.

Nobody wants to be the person some random person loses their virginity to. What most often makes people want to have sex is a sense of connection. It may be a friendship connection, a sexual attraction connection, an "electricity" connection, or something else, but it's generally personal and individual -- even in a one-night stand.

I get the strong impression that you're having trouble making those kinds of connections with women, and that if you took a bit of a breather from pursuing sex -- some sex, any sex, with anyone who'd agree to it -- you might find those connections easier to make.

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Stephanie_1
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I'm having a really hard time with what you're saying here Evan.

quote:
Originally posted by Evan:
Its not that I think hes unworthy, Im very happy for him, I remember when we were good friends. I guess Im just kinda downhearted that it seems like just about everyone is having sex, not just the popular and attractive, but everyone. It seems like Im the only person who doesnt, and never has had someone.
And I guess I said even him because looking at the guy, hes not the type of person youd expect to be having sex. Hes not very good looking, doesnt take care of his appearance, not prticularly outgoing or confident, not very exiting or interesting. Most people were suprised he had had sex because he was the kind of person you could imagine being a 40 year old virgin. Obviously hes entitled to have sex, but its depressing when a guy considered to be at the bottom of the social ladder can have more sex than you.

You seem to have set in your mind some prototype of who has sex and who doesn't. That in and of itself isn't going to get you very far. There's not one perfect set line of who is having sex and who is not. You want to lump people into categories and it doesn't work that way.

So you and some others don't find him interesting, attractive, whatever - doesn't mean that nobody will. People are attracted to others for a WHOLE host of reasons, and those don't need to be understood by anyone else. I see you saying "popular, attractive" but who whose standards are you using? People of different ages, orientations, gender identities, looks, sizes, shapes, backgrounds have sex. There's not an A and B category.

Too? You're going by who you think "should" be having sex and trying to decide who would be the "40 year old virgin" (which... might I add... is a movie and fictitious) makes it seem like you see him as not as good as someone else - but nobody asked you to take this person as a sexual partner, so I'm left wondering why you're so hung up on who is having sex, and I think what Angus said above is very valid too.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

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Captain Girl
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quote:
Originally posted by Evan:

Not really a very interesting story, hes an unpopular guy who no one really likes or is attracted too, so he asked out an unpopular girl who no one really likes or is attracted too and they had sex.

I can't decide whether I think this is a happy story or a sad one.

It could be that your friend, nice if not particularly dashing, looked around him and saw something in this girl that no one else saw, and she saw something interesting in him, and they had a wonderful time.

Or it could be that your friend, desperate and willing to be manipulative, selected someone he saw as an easy target and bullied her into having sex.

The likely truth is somewhere in between. The ongoing sense that you think the second scenario is a happy ending is depressing.

I agree with Angus that it would be a good idea to shift your focus.

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Evan
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@Stephanie1-Its not like that, but you know how it is when youre 17. Theres a lot of shallowness and its usually the good looking popular guys who get laid. Im not saying hes done the impossible, but it wasnt expected.
Im not suggesting I thought no one would ever like him, hes a likable guy, I just didnt think he would find a girlfriend before people like some of my friends, who are considered more popular. I know you dont like those words, but thats kind of how school and college are.
Im not hung up on him having sex, Im suprised because he never seemed to hae many friends and he doesnt seem to go out much, and since theres a good proportion of people who haven had sex at our age, I didnt expect him to be one of the nes who did. Thats not me being mean or spiteful but if you aksed anyone who knows him, theyd be very suprised to hear hes had sex. Yes thats an immature way of thinking, but its 6th form and thats the way people our age think

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Evan
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I would say its a realistic story. In high school at least, people tend to be shallow and unnatractive unpopular people dont tend to get with the hot people. If we were all totally honest, I bet we all wish our partners were 10's. I think what happened is that they saw each other and both realised that as much as they wanted someone who was nice and hot, it was enough to be with someone wh is nice since someone hot probably wouldnt want them. I know thats a cynical viewpoint but its the one I hold.

I wouldnt say I look explicitly for sex, if Im going out on the pull or to party then of course Im looking for sex, I dont talk to a girl in a club for meaningful conversation. But usually when I talk to a girl sex is the last thing on my mind, its usually about getting to know and geting comforable with this person. Although I want sex, I wouldn say Ii want it much more than your average 17 year old guy.
I think my scenario is best summed up by a quote from the inbeweeners (if anyone hasnt heard of it, its a britcom about 4 unpopular lads trying to get their end away).
-I just want nice girlfriend...who'll possibly have sex with me

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Heather
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So, Evan, I was thinking about you and the spot you've been in the other day, and I have a plan to propose for you. The super-great deal about this plan is that it not only is much more likely to get you to a place where you find some of what you want, it also doesn't have you doing or pursuing anything we've all talked about being an ethical concern. How cool is that?

So, the proposed plan is this:

For the next six months, you do the following:
1) Stop trying to get anyone into bed. Seriously, not just "stop trying so hard," but stop trying, period. By all means, go out to the places you want to go out to, talk with whoever you like, including girls you feel attracted to, but don't make any moves you'd make to try and pursue anything sexual.

2) Do the things that make you feel best about yourself, and really focus on that. Whether that's about what you're doing with your time, where you're going, who you're having out with, aim to make those choices with what you know makes you feel awesome about you in mind.

3) Make a list of what things besides having sex you think could up your self-esteem, you feeling the way you think sex would make you feel. Aim to do at least a few of those things, or dedicate time to those things, in this six month period.

Here's the deal with all of that: I do think it's likely people are picking up on the crummy ways you feel about yourself, the way you're trying to validate yourself through possible sex, and some of the attitudes you've expressed here. Very few people are going to find those things appealing, and plenty of people are going to try and steer clear of you if they pick up on them, because those kinds of things make having any kind of relationship or sexual interaction be a bad one for them pretty darn likely.

On the other hand, someone who is feeling good about themselves, who is becoming more confident, who someone perceives sees them as much more than a vehicle for sex, and who doesn't give off vibes of being desperate for sex? That's the kind of person far more people find attractive and appealing.

Not only do I think a plan like this is going to have you feeling a lot better about you pretty quickly, I also think it's much more likely to help you connect with people in healthy ways, and with people who are interested in you. To boot, I think it's more likely to set you up for sex whenever that is what happens in a way where it'd be way more likely it was a positive experience for you and the other person.

What do you think? Willing to give it a shot?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Evan
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Sounds like a good plan.
But if I dont try how can it happen?
I would disagree with that firts part, I think I hide it quite well. But I agree with your point and Ill give it a shot. But Im not sure what else I can do to boost my self worth.
But Ill give it a try

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Heather
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I think if you were hiding it quite well, you'd have gotten a different response by now, honestly. It really is pretty amazing how intuitive people can be, and I gotta tell you, if anyone is picking up on the kind of vibes you're putting out here, they would likely be trying to stay away. I know I sure would, and I'm someone who tends to be incredibly accepting of people, even people in a tough place.

As far as the "if you don't try how can it happen" bit: often enough, connections with people can happen a lot more organically than folks think, and really all we need to do is just be open to them, that's all, and flow with them when they do happen. But when someone is trying like this, it often feels like -- or is -- pushing, and that can result in pushing people AWAY.

Think about it, maybe, a little like this: you're in the park, wanting to feed the birds. You've got some birdseed. What do you do? Do you run at the birds, throwing seed at them? Keep walking over to them saying "HELLO BIRDS!" Do you wave your arms around? Nope, because you know that would scare the birds away. Instead, you maybe drop a little bit of seed a few feet away from you, then you sit quietly and wait, letting them come to you.

Catch my drift?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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Do you want some help brainstorming other things that could amp your self-worth?

If so, what are your skills and talents? What can you think of that, when you're doing it, just makes you feel pretty fantastic about you? Makes you feel accomplished and confident?

In the same vein, what are your life goals? Whatever they are, what things can you do to pursue some of them?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Evan
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Im honestly not sure how Id be sending off these vibes but Ill give you the benefit of the doubt

Really? Thats really interesting, I never realised I migt be doing that.
Yeah but the birds want me because I have bread for them, playing hard to get doesnt actually work if youre not wanted
I would like some help doing that yes. But I dont really have anything like that, Im not god at anything I dont have any talents, and there isnt much I do that makes me feel confident, I dont even know how confident feels.
Im not sure about life goals, half of me wants to own a farm, marry a nice girl and have children whereas the othr half wants to do as many of my older associates have done and stay single, partying most nights and just scraping by moneywise and never settling down, just having one night stands. Then theres a niggling doubt that its not up to me, because chances are Ill never find a woman who wants to marry me and Im hardly a PUA.

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Heather
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I'm not talking about playing hard to get, or playing at anything. I'm simply talking about making this much less of an active priority, and remaining open to it, but seeing what happens when it's less at the forefront of things and when you do more of letting others come to you. Again, I feel pretty strongly that your sense you are not wanted, or people moving away from you has a lot less to do with who you are and a whole lot to do with the way you have probably been approaching people and in what mindset.

In terms of life goals, I wasn't asking about your relationship status. Romantic relationships -- or a lack of them -- are only one of many parts of our lives, not all.

It sounds like part of the issue with all of this, and how you feel about yourself, may be that you haven't really explored who you are and who you want to be yet. Everyone has skills and talents, we just don't all have the same ones.

Maybe tell me something about your interests? Things you liked doing as a child? When you were little, what did you say you wanted to be when you grew up? Whatever those things might have been, do any still have appeal now?

[ 08-30-2011, 04:01 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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yeahyeahgirl
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Evan, there's just a few things I'd like to put out. Just follow, please don't throw the walls up, and just read what is quoted by you and then what is written by me.

quote:
Originally posted by Evan:
I would say its a realistic story. In high school at least, people tend to be shallow and unnatractive unpopular people dont tend to get with the hot people. If we were all totally honest, I bet we all wish our partners were 10's.

There's many things with this I don't agree with:

1.) High school is not like the movies. "Hot" people and "ugly" people do date romantically (which may or may not lead to sex), and they most certainly can have casual sex with each other. Cliche but true, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Example: beauty is different to EVERY culture on Earth. I reccomend researching this statement. At any point in time, we will all find one person's ugly beautiful and vice-versa.

2.) Being shallow does happen alot during these years; I think most people can remember times when they've thought shallowly towards someone. That being said, it ties in very well to the last statement. What is also something to think about is that, in relationships (no matter what kind), characteristics that were once a turn off can become your favorite feature over time. Who may have been a "6" over time becomes your personal "10".

3. I must be confused, what is this "realistic story" you're spinning?


quote:

I wouldnt say I look explicitly for sex, if Im going out on the pull or to party then of course Im looking for sex, I dont talk to a girl in a club for meaningful conversation. But usually when I talk to a girl sex is the last thing on my mind, its usually about getting to know and geting comforable with this person. Although I want sex, I wouldn say Ii want it much more than your average 17 year old guy.

1. Why do you HAVE to be going out looking for sex at clubs? Why CAN'T you have a meaningful conversation with that possible girl? From experience with these, how you put, "PUA" (a term I had to Google! Ugh, initialisms...)friends I know, even on a one-night stand, they are considerate, attentive, willing and WANTING to pleasure their partner, and things only progress from a simple "hi" to sex BECAUSE of conversation! Unless you can hear everything your friends are saying to these girls and boys, you should take their sexual escapades with a grain of salt.

2. From what I've read, and I've read through the other posts you've made, too, sex is the first thing on your mind. There isn't anything wrong with that necessarily...just don't let lust consume you.

3. Getting to know a girl, making her, and you, comfortable SHOULD be your first goal! That's how relationships start; talking, communicating on an equal level, mutual attraction (not necesarrily in looks; personality is HUGE, seriously), shared interests, a feeling of calm or excitement or happiness or intrigue; all these things and more can kick start a relationship. Or, to be more blunt, the more standard "relationship" can be bypassed this same way. All of the above methods make sex easier to happen.

4. It seems to me, personally, that you do want sex more than the average 17 year old boy. From everything you've asked the people of this Scarleteen board, you want sex a lot. You want a one-night stand with a willing girl. You've said it plenty of times. I'll be glad to go through and quote you if you decide to retort.


quote:

I think my scenario is best summed up by a quote from the inbeweeners (if anyone hasnt heard of it, its a britcom about 4 unpopular lads trying to get their end away).
-I just want nice girlfriend...who'll possibly have sex with me

1. And this is my biggest problem of all, Evan. You just want "a nice girlfriend"? Then you need to be a nice boyfriend. You need to be a nice friend. You need to be a nice person, overall, first. The previous #3 discusses that thought. A girlfriend is first and foremost your friend. Possibly your best friend for all the energy, connection, and affection invested into that one relationship.

2. Sex is emotional. Sex with someone you're dating is even more emotional. It's one of the biggest ways of giving yourselves to each other completely (there's other ways that aren't sexual at all, of course). For this future "nice girlfriend" to want to have sex with you, it's not based completely on her want for sexual pleasure. She can get that on her own through masturbation just as you can find similar pleasure. She'll want to have sex with her boyfriend because she trusts him, she has weighed the consequences, and she sees something in him. (This is the most positive view of 2 people having sex, I know.)

3. I'm confused by you, though. You've stated here and on other posts you want an easy girl first, then mess around for awhile, then maybe find a girlfriend after you've had your fill and fun. Or, maybe you'll just go through life with the multiple partners always passing, always fleeting. It's your personal choice, no one else's.

At that point, though, Evan, you need to know the consequences.

You become more open to STI's with multiple partners. You have the oppurtunity to cause a pregnancy; contraspetives only work so much. Accidents happen. After awhile, casual sex, no matter how fun, can become meaningless. They may bring fun and maybe they could raise your self-esteem, but eventually there can be something hollow, shallow if you will, about them.

Can you get back to me, and us, on everything here?

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Karybu
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quote:
You become more open to STI's with multiple partners. You have the oppurtunity to cause a pregnancy; contraspetives only work so much. Accidents happen. After awhile, casual sex, no matter how fun, can become meaningless. They may bring fun and maybe they could raise your self-esteem, but eventually there can be something hollow, shallow if you will, about them.
Just so we're all clear, it's not necessarily the number of partners alone that puts people at higher risk for STIs: a lack of safer sex practices and testing has a lot to do with it, and having just one partner ever is no guarantee against STIs OR pregnancy.

Too? There are all sorts of models that work for various people in terms of relationships, and while sex outside of a monogamous relationship may not work for some people, for others it's something that works perfectly well, and may for a long period of time.

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Captain Girl
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quote:
Originally posted by Evan:

Yeah but the birds want me because I have bread for them, playing hard to get doesnt actually work if youre not wanted

When you sit in the park with a pocket full of bread and wait for the birds to come to you, you aren't playing hard to get. You're sending the message that you're a safe person for birds to be near, in a way that the birds can understand.

There's an essay on the web, got a lot of attention a while ago, on Schrodinger's Rapist. Google search on those words should bring it right up for you. It's not a fun piece to read, especially for guys, but it might be an important perspective for you to consider.

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yeahyeahgirl
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@Karybu, you're absolutely right, I didn't word that as well as I could have.
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