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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Can't reach orgasm

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Author Topic: Can't reach orgasm
Kaeda
Neophyte
Member # 58139

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Hello!

I've been with this guy for almost a year and a half and I still haven't had any orgasm. I know that similar questions have been asked a lot but I have read so many treads, topics, books and my problem doesnít seem to go away.

Before that we were both virgins and the first year was really great, we were discovering, exploring and certainly enjoying. More recently the fact that I just canít seem to reach an orgasm has created some tensions between us. Heís really sweet and attentive but heís getting tired of feeling like I donít appreciate having sex with him. And Iím tired to, because Iíd like to experience more powerful emotions.
Iíve been looking around on the internet and it is said often that many women canít reach orgasm from sexual intercourse and that it often comes from stimulating the clitoris however here lays the problem (I think). Before him, I used to masturbate and I would almost all the time have an orgasm. However whenever he tries to do the same thing, to copy my own moves I do not at all feel the same way. It isnít even exciting or pleasant, it just feels weird.
I donít know why I keep feeling that way. Why itís so different when I do it and when he does it. Besides Iím getting that if this continues I wonít ever be able to have an orgasm with him or even to be fully Ďfulfilledí.

Any ideas? What should I do to stop feeling that way??? Thank you so much!

[ 03-06-2011, 12:54 PM: Message edited by: Kaeda ]

Posts: 2 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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When you say sex, are you talking about intercourse only? How are you doing with other activities, such as oral or manual sex?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Kaeda
Neophyte
Member # 58139

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In general it includes oral and manual sex. That's why I don't really understand why it's so much different when I touch myself and when he does it. It doesn't mean that having intercourse with him is unpleasant, it is, it's really pleasant and I'm enjoying it but I can't reach that 'superior' thing, even manually.

[Smile]

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September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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If you're experimenting, engaging in different activities, doing what feels good and generally having a good time and experiencing pleasure, it sounds like you're already doing everything right.

For some people, reaching orgasm with partner sex can take time. But as long as it's feeling good, I'd not be worried. Just enjoy the way it feels, and you'll get there eventually.

One important thing is that you try not to put pressure on yourself. If you're starting sexual activities thinking "oh, I hope I reach orgasm this time", you might be distracting yourself by focusing on an end goal, rather than on what you're doing. A big part of being able to climax is relaxing and being in the moment.

So, that might be one thing to take into consideration. Just try and relax and do what feels good. If you don't orgasm, you don't orgasm, but you still had an awesome time and experienced pleasure.


This article might also help:
With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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heero222
Activist
Member # 27731

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Well if you are able to orgasm consistently when it is just you self-stimulating but not when he is doing it then it could be a matter of comfort level. Not everyone is comfortable having an orgasm in front of someone else for various reasons. One way to test whether it is what he is doing or whether it is simply not being comfortable having an orgasm in front of him is to self-stimulate while he is watching if you can have an orgasm then it is likely not the issue I mentioned and if you cannot then it likely is.
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