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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Worrying about being bad

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Author Topic: Worrying about being bad
emerold7
Neophyte
Member # 57956

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I have had sex before but only once and the first time is never good but I am worried that I will never be good, I don't have a boyfriend so I can't exactly practice. Is there a way that I can get better therefore being confident to have sex again. I just don't want to be awful in bed.

Any help and advice is welcome

Thanks

Posts: 1 | From: England | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

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Honestly, it isn't really possible to be "bad" at sex the way you're thinking. For sure, the first few times we have sex (whether for the first time ever or just for the first time with a new partner) might not be so awesome, but that doesn't really have anything to do with us being bad at anything. Usually, it's because we aren't as familiar with our own bodies or our partner's body, or we haven't had a lot of practice communicating about what we like and dislike (and may not even be sure yet what exactly those likes and dislikes are).

But sex isn't one of those things where if you just follow a few steps in the right order everyone's happy. Sexuality is so varied and diverse that the only things you can do to be "good" at it are to be familiar with your own body and be willing to communicate openly with partners.

I'm going to give you a few things to read that I think will really help, so have a look through them and if you still have any questions, come on back, okay?

The Ultimate Sex How-to Guide (Doesn't Exist)
10 of the Best Things You Can Do for Your Sexual Self (at Any Age)
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

[ 03-04-2011, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: Karybu ]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

Posts: 5799 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
heero222
Activist
Member # 27731

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Don't worry like she said there isn't any way to be "bad" at sex. You said you want to get better so you can be confident enough to have sex but if anything, it works the other way around. Being confident makes it good if you do whatever it is that feels good to you and you're not embarressed to do it it's likely to turn out good for both involved. Honestly, guys for the most part are fairly easy to please and its more a matter of making sure he doesn't finish before you've had a chance to enjoy yourself that tends to be the real issue. Many guys just feel lucky to get the opportunity to have sex and are pretty good at making sure to do whatever meets their needs whether you know what you are doing or not. As for doing what feels good to you first you need to figure out what that is if you haven't already and usually you can do that just by experimenting with your hands or toys.
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