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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » masturbation versus breaking the hymen

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Author Topic: masturbation versus breaking the hymen
suzume
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Because I already got few things cleared by you guys I allowed myself to ask one more thing. For starters, you are truly great, and I want you to know that.

My question is it: in few of your articles I've read that we should be our own first sex partners and without masturbating we won't know what is good for us and what we like etc. I completely agree, but still, I have a little problem with this. Because being a virgin I always had (irrational?) fear which stops me from masturbating with fingers or any kind of toys/objects to penetrate myself because I know you can break your hymen by masturbating. And when you break your hymen, it's the sign of loosing some kind of virginity, right? (I know there are many definitions of being virgin but definitely there is this cultural thing about hmen, right?). Do you really think it's OK to play with yourself even though it would mean breaking the hymen? I dunno, I have some kind of mental block and I feel I should wait for the partner I would want to have intercourse with, and then have sex and THEN, while feeling alone and horny give myself penetration. Until then I should only touch my clitoris.
I mean, it's not that I have to start masturbating like that or I'll explode, but I've been wondering for a very LONG time now, so I guess I might as well finally ask.

Posts: 7 | From: Poland | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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The idea that the hymen is something that can be broken is a cultural myth: the hymen is a very thin, stretchy membrane that wears away with time. For most women, the hymen is already partially eroded by the time they become sexually active. It wears away due to menstruation, hormonal changes as well as general activity.

This article should clear up any confusion about the hymen:
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/body/my_corona_the_anatomy_formerly_known_as_the_hymen_the_myths_that_surround_it

And here are some articles about virginity you may also find helpful:
20 Questions About Virginity: Scarleteen Interviews Hanne Blank
Magical Cups & Bloody Brides: Virginity in Context

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-joey
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9010 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Have you started by reading about the hymen? Because it sounds like you are walking into this with some misinformation/misunderstandings about it.

Why don't you read this first, and then we can talk some more?

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/body/my_corona_the_anatomy_formerly_known_as_the_hymen_the_myths_that_surround_it

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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suzume
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I actually did read before about that topic (I usually start learning by myself before asking), but you are right, I had to misunderstand. Or the stuff I was told at school or by my parents blinded me somehow - I remember my dad told me when I was a kid, during first "Sex Talk" I even had that it's all about breaking the hymen and that you can see if someone is no longer a virging. I guess it stucked to my mind so heavily that I couldn't let go even though I read some articles.

So the hymen isn't really important and you can't see by it I've been masturbating/having sex?

Oh.

Thank you a lot for showing me the articles, it really did help me! There is some thinking I need to do now about what virginity means to me etc, my sexuality and few other things, but I have a good background now. Thank you once again really much.

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Heather
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A lot of people have no education at all about the hymen -- or other part's of sexual anatomy -- and many people were given information that was long outdated and incorrect.

It might help to know that most people couldn't even tell the difference between who has a fully intact hymen (and most people who have started menstruating will not, otherwise that flow couldn't come out) and who doesn't by looking. Most of the time, no matter what state it's in or what kind of sexual experience someone has or hasn't had, the corona (hymen) blends pretty seamlessly with the vaginal opening. Whether or not you or anyone else can see whatever your corona looks like now or at any other time in your life usually just depends on if someone even knows what to look for, and also how it's eroded. Some people's coronas erode in a way or are present in a way that's a lot more obvious, others are not, and that usually has little to nothing to do with what sexual activity someone has or hasn't engaged in. There are some women who have given birth and still had some corona tissue, after all, or even had no change to that tissue after birth.

Whether or not the hymen is important is pretty much only about people's beliefs about it. From a body and health standpoint, it doesn't serve any function; doesn't usually cause most people any issues to deal with. Biologists and sexual health experts still don't even know why that tissue is there in the first place, as it serves no clear purpose.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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MY OWN LOVER
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I read the article about masturbation. I have tried a couple of things and only one worked.My problem is that my mentor told me that being a virgin meant that you didnt have anal penetration,oral sex,and masterbation.I feel guilty that I have already masturbated.Now I feel like I am not a virgin.

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it is good for teens to learn about this stuff

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September
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Have you read the articles about virginity that I linked to in the first reply? If not, why don't you go ahead and do that. I think you'll find them helpful.

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-joey
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9010 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
suzume
Neophyte
Member # 47045

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Yes, of course I did [Smile]
It certainly helped, what I am just saying is that it is something I need to figure out by myself, right? But I think I am good with it already and understand a lot of things [Smile]
For example, I was worried that being bisexual and more into girls (romantically, emotionally, phisically...) I felt a little weird because "sex" in my mind was bringing the thought of men, not women. And now, somehow, I am not so scared about the idea of loosing virginity to women, which I actually would like to, one day.
What I am trying to say, is that you guys helped me a lot [Smile] Thanks!

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September
Scarleteen Volunteer
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My last reply was actually directed at the user who posted in your thread, MY OWN LOVER. But I am glad to hear that you also found the article helpful, and that we've been able to give you some food for thought. You're very welcome! [Smile] And please feel free to come back any time you want to discuss any of this further.

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-joey
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9010 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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