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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Unique Problem with Inability to Orgasm

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Author Topic: Unique Problem with Inability to Orgasm
Member # 52478

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My girlfriend and I have been together a little under 3 months now, and we've gotten very far in so little time. We've had sex on numerous occasions, but are still in the process of discovery. Because of certain restrictions for our age (time, location), we have limited opportunities. Still, when we have sex, it's always amazing for her. I am well able to bring her to orgasm and she always tells me that it's really great for her. This is my first sexual relationship.

Now comes the problem. Usually, the guy just cannot last long enough to pleasure his woman. In this case, it's me who can't finish. She maintains that it's a good thing, and not to worry, because one day we'll have plenty of time to get me there, but I'm worried. When we're in the act, it feels alright. Not amazing, not rapturous. It feels pretty good I guess. But I just can't even come close. We've gone at it for 40 minutes once without me coming even close.

The funny thing is that when I masturbate, I can orgasm relatively quickly. A minute and a half, two minutes. Still, when we do "it" there just seems to be a problem. I'm not sure what and I'd really like some advice. It makes my girlfriend feel weird, like she can't pleasure her man, and makes me feel weird, like I'm some weirdo guy who doesn't automatically love sex (which is rather strange, considering I am, truth be told, a pervert.).

Posts: 14 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20990

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It's not unique to you, I had that problem too. Still do really, but it's not a "problem" any more.

Turns out penis - vaginal intercourse just isn't that great for some men! It doesn't hit the right spots for some of us, I guess.

I'm going to tell you what we did. She can make me come with manual stimulation, and that makes us both happy. She gets the intercourse she likes, and we accept that that doesn't make me come (though it's fun), and so we also do activities which make me come. I have occasionally come from intercourse, but it's like twice in ten years (though still worth using birth control mind you).

Odds are you two can figure out how she can make you come reliably one way or another -- one has a lot more options with hands and mouth than with a vagina, speaking bluntly. If the relationship is good, you two can keep exploring, and you'll find something.

"Don't obsess about intercourse as the be-all and the end-all" applies to men as well as women.

Posts: 37 | From: USA | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 5822

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Hi Alias,

Do you think that it could be a case that you've worried yourself into a state where now when you have intercourse you're thinking about having an orgasm rather than just enjoying the experience and letting it lead to one?

N gave some great insight also - just curious as to whether you think you might be self conscious about the issue and then compounding it?

Posts: 896 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 52478

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Thanks for your suggestions N, it's reassuring to know I'm not alone in this. In truth, I derive lots of pleasure from pretty much anything sexual we do, with the exception of actual intercourse.

However, there was this time when, frustrated with my inability to come, we resorted to me masturbating and cumming in her mouth. It felt so good that after a few seconds' break, we did it again. After that, we tried having sex some more, and I was able to approach orgasm this time. I was actually getting close, until we had to stop. Still, I'm curious as to what it was about that particular time that made me come close.

Posts: 14 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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