Obviously, we hear a lot here about the problems people have with sex.
But -- and maybe even because of that -- I think it's also important folks talk about what has, so far, made sex GREAT for them, too.
So, for those of you for whom this is relevant can some of you think about some of the best times you've had with any kind of sex (and not just with partners, masturbation counts, too!), and what made them so great? I'm not suggesting people overshare with explicit details, but instead just talk in general about what made that sex you enjoyed so much so awesome.
For instance, was it about feeling totally comfortable in it? Being able to explore a certain desire or activity you'd really wanted to? Being really into or loving the other person and feeling that back? Making a certain peace with your body or your sexuality? Feeling really ready when you hadn't before? Having a really great day before and after sex was part of? Initiating for the first time? Not having to initiate for the first time? Being able to confidently assert what you wanted and/or didn't? Having an amazing talk before or after?
Whatever (including if it was a whole bunch of things) you think it was that you can put your finger on resulting in really great sex for you, I think it'd be awesome to have an ongoing conversation about this, and super-helpful to everyone in getting a picture of what put you in a space, and might put them, where sex was really, truly something special.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63418 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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This totally requires set up to explain just how geeky and sweet it was.
The best sex I ever had was in a hotel room after a workshop at a conference that had gone horribly, terribly wrong. We were both exhausted, we were both disappointed, we were both upset, and we knew we had to do the same workshop the next day. Our plan was to go back to the room, eat a nutritious dinner of chocolate covered pretzels and coffee, and rewrite the entire thing.
And after 4 hours of frantically rewriting things and making new props we were both almost in tears with frustration BECAUSE CLEARLY THE WORLD HATED US.
And she laid down, and I laid down next to her, and we were both so raw and sad and then we just started to laugh. Because, really, it didn't matter. This workshop at this conference was really not going to make or break anybody's life. She started kissing me and at first I was like "no, we need to keep writing" and she just kind of looked at me and said "Ok, really?"
And we both started to laugh and started kissing and eventually ended up having sex, then getting dressed, going to the hotel all-night coffee bar, and rewriting the workshop between the hours of 2 and 4am.
I guess what made it work was just that we were both in this silly, exhausted but excited but worried state and that we both realized that, sure, there was other stuff we could be doing but really, we didn't need to.
And we were gentle and sweet with each other. It was really basic, feel-good in the here and now sex. Nothing big or giant or grandiose and nothing that needed to be planned or worked out. We knew eachother's body so well by that point that we communicated without talking. It was just perfect and sweet and turned a cruddy night into a really sweet one.
-------------------- -Andy If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution - Emma Goldman Posts: 435 | From: Boston, MA | Registered: Dec 2010
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My Best Sex Ever was with the partner I was with after my rape. He was my first partner for consensual sex, and in the beginning there were a lot of starts and stops. I'd get a panic attack halfway through, or he'd feel that he was moving too fast for me, or we'd both get impatient, etc.
One morning we were getting ready to go out and a friend was on his way to pick us up. I was checking my e-mails on my partner's computer when he came into the room, we kissed, and I said "I'd like to have sex". And so we did. No starts and stops, no flashbacks, no frustration. It was the first time that we managed to have sex on our terms, without the specter of my rapist in the room.
I was very excited afterward. I glowed the whole day. It was an incredibly empowering experience, and the first step for me to really owning my sexuality.
-------------------- -joey Scarleteen Volunteer
"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand Posts: 8424 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005
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The best sex i ever had was a one night stand with a work mate.
He'd thrown a house party for his birthday, and not having worked out how i was getting home, i ended up staying the night at his. I'd had a crush on him for a few months, since he started at my work. I had an instant attraction to him, and his eyes were what attracted me the most. Any kind of eye contact we had at work gave me a thrill, and we were constantly flirty with each other.
Anyway the one night stand was like this amazing release of a few months of pent up sexual frustration. It was instant and gentle, yet passionate. Im at least a little conscious of how new sexual partners may view my body, but with him i was 100% comfortable and didn't care. I'd played out scenarios of us having sex in my mind many times, but it was so much better than even my imagination. He was very good about making sure i was comfortable and enjoying it. Not by verbally asking, but just through physical cues. It felt like we were lovers from way-back, we just seemed to react to each other so naturally. And it was exciting too. We knew that what we were doing was our little secret, and that no one at work could ever find out (although people were suss). That just made it even better.
This happened a few weeks ago, and although we've had two more sexual encounters since (i guess we're becoming very casual friends with benefits, but neither of us are really pushing for it because we don't want to effect our work relationship), they still don't compare to that first night. It was so comfortable and thrilling and enjoyable and a night i will never forget
Posts: 29 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Nov 2009
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The best sex I've ever had was with my current partner.
We were at his house one night, and we had just watched the movie "Life is Beautiful." I never imagined that we'd have sex after watching such a sad movie, but we began to talk about life and fear and the future. Previously to this experience, I'd believed that making love was a really bad way to say 'having sex.' After that movie though, we made love and that's the ONLY way I can describe it. It was quiet and unhurried; beautiful is the only word that does it justice. Afterward, the satisfaction was remarkable.
We continue to have great sex but nothing compares to that experience.
Posts: 2 | From: Kingston, NY | Registered: Jan 2011
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Recently, I've been having a hard time with intrusive thoughts and depression, and I'm trying to take better care of myself, and I think I'm gradually getting to a point where I don't feel like masturbating is something I don't deserve to do (no matter what somebody had done I would never tell them their body isn't theirs, or that they should have a life without pleasure), this one time, I was staying at my mum's, and I had this incredible orgasm to fantasies of my boyfriend and it left me breathless, it felt really liberating. The last time I masturbated felt really happy too, I was in a great mood afterwards and it was really sweet.
Partnered sex-wise, the last time I had sex with my boyfriend before I moved rooms felt really sweet and intensely pleasurable, I felt so happy to be with him and really comfortable in my own body, I had an orgasm before we had intercourse (note: we always do this, to make sure I'm fully aroused) and then we did it for... over an hour I think? Lovely experience. I knew I loved him, I felt really loved and it was just great.
-------------------- Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see. Posts: 839 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008
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Hmm. Hard question to answer in terms of the "why was it the best ever?".
The best ever for me was when, after a fairly regular "OK, let's try fooling around tonight even though we're both tired" start... after something like an hour I managed to make my (longtime) partner really, really happy with a really mindblowing orgasm. And then I mentioned something which I kind of wanted to try sometime which she hadn't been interested in and she said (paraphrasing) "Sure. Go for it. Let's try that now!" (And that went well too, because she gave me lots of feedback and we kept trying until we were both enjoying it.)
I can't pinpoint what made it so great, definitely a whole lot of things, getting to try something new I'd always wanted to, making her extremely happy, but I sort of think of the key as *dedication* on both our parts. Both of us were really committed to paying attention to and pleasing each other that night, even though we were both tired and might have just decided we didn't have the time or energy, and we gained energy off each other's commitment.
When I reread what I just wrote, it feels like an old married person's answer. :-) But maybe there is some more general lesson from it.
Posts: 37 | From: USA | Registered: Nov 2004
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My best sex ever was two years ago, right before Christmas. My partner and I had gone on a date, a really, really romantic, silly, cliche date which involved dinner and ice skating and dessert at this super fancy, expensive place. After, we stopped by the mall to finish up some Christmas shopping and I bought myself some nice lingerie, just on a whim, because it was a kind I had wanted for a while. And then we went back to his house and I put it on and I was feeling so happy and sexy and in love. It was also special because it was the first time I ever had multiple orgasms during sex.
Afterwards we were both so happy and giggly. It was simply incredible.
Posts: 168 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2008
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My best sexual experience happened just today. My boyfriend is the only sexual partner I've ever had, and I am his. We've had a sexual relationship for 2 years and 8 months, and a romantic one for 3 years and 3 months.
Usually, he isn't really that "into" sex. He kind of enjoys it, but he doesn't really enjoy it so much as he enjoys that I enjoy it, if that makes sense. There have been a couple time where we would both thoroughly enjoy it, but it somehow always happens to be a time when we aren't at his house and I can't go there then, or something.
Well, tonight I started out by giving him oral and I went a lot slower than usual and eventually he tugged on the back of my pants. We had sex, and though it was extremely short, he enjoyed it more than he ever has, and I had the most intense orgasm I've ever had. Afterwards I couldn't move, and he just started kissing my back. Then we showered and slept. It was really nice. ^^
-------------------- I'm not a professional, just a peer. But I will provide the best, most honest advice I can. Posts: 13 | From: Oregon | Registered: Feb 2011
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