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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » can't get hard when i'm with my girlfriend.

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Author Topic: can't get hard when i'm with my girlfriend.
speakerhead12
Neophyte
Member # 52234

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Just started becoming sexually active with my girlfriend i've been dating for about 4 months. It seems that when I am doing it, or even her giving me a handjob I can get hard, but when she is giving me a blowjob, I have trouble getting an erection. I don't know why, I find her extremely attractive and I don't think she is doing that bad of a job, it's just somewhat embarassing when most of the time we spend doing things I have my hands on my own penis. Any help?
Posts: 15 | From: montana | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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So often with partnered sex, whose hands are on whose body is all over the place. Us touching ourselves while a partner also touches us isn't at all unusual.

Are you saying you seem to be least responsive and feel most uncomfortable when you're not touching yourself too, or just with oral sex, or...?

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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
speakerhead12
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I think mainly with oral. She usually can get me going with her hands, but once she tries oral, it just goes downhill and I think we both get embarassed.
Posts: 15 | From: montana | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Might it be that you two just aren't ready for that together yet? In other words, that you've moved too fast into that?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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heero222
Activist
Member # 27731

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quote:
Originally posted by speakerhead12:
I think mainly with oral. She usually can get me going with her hands, but once she tries oral, it just goes downhill and I think we both get embarassed.

The last part about embarassement is likely the cause. If her giving a BJ makes you embaressed and uncomftorable then it can be rather difficult to focus on the pleasure and if you can't focus on the pleasure then staying stiff is difficult. As for why you find it uncomftorable that's something only you know. Nothing wrong with it quickest solution would be to simply skip it and stick to activities within your comfort zone or if you're determined you can try variations and see if they have an effect. Examples: If you've had your eyes open before close them and focus on the sensations or vice-versa, find a focus point to concentrate on and fantasize about (abs, chest, rear, hair, feet, whatever you like), find something for your hands to do (ideally it should be something that pleases her). Basically the point is to find something to take your focus away from whatever thoughts are interferring though simply being honest with yourself and confronting whatever makes you uncomftorable is the best strategy.
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Shua
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I can definitely relate in this matter. For me at least it was simply a matter of nerves. Recieving oral sex was just sort of awkward most of the time and therefore was simply just uncomfortable and ultimately unfulfilling for both of us. It was simply something I wasn't ready for yet.

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Hakuna Matata

Posts: 3 | From: St. Louis | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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