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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Just can't get it in!

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Author Topic: Just can't get it in!
Member # 48196

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This is the most frustrating problem. It seems like my boy and I cannot physically have penetrative sex. Sometimes everything works, but other times we simply can't get his penis into my vagina. I concentrate on relaxing, we use our hands to guide everything into position, but it's like I just close up and nothing can get in. We've tried him on top and me on top, lots of stretching, foreplay, him going down on me, etc., but if it's not happening, it's just not happening. Eventually he gets soft and we give up on that and go back to other ways of getting each other off. It's not like there's something so horribly inferior about other kinds of sex, but I really do love penetration and it's disappointing to be unable to have it!

So whyyyyyyy is this happening to me? I have a few inklings already - it seems to go easier with more lubrication and with condoms (we've both been recently tested and I have an IUD, so we're okay with not always using them). I often find after sex that my vulva is swollen and tender, which might be a result of his slightly rough foreplay. Are there any other reasons that this might be happening? It's not that I think I'm some kind of freak, but it's a little hard to not wonder whether there may be other reasons I haven't considered, or other things I should do.

Posts: 3 | From: Canada | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Since you've clearly had some sexual/reproductive healthcare, have you checked in with your provider about this to rule out that it's anything physical?

Mind, using lube is kind of a given with activities with entry a lot of the time, not just for you. As well, you say he's being rough with other kinds of sex before intercourse: that could be an issue.

The times that you can have intercourse and have it "work," can you identify things that may or may not be happening with and around those times as compared to the others when it won't work for you?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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