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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Frustrated!

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Author Topic: Frustrated!
Sara
Neophyte
Member # 49208

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. The first time we had sex it was 7 months into the relationship. He was away for 6 months. When he came back I started realizing we had more of a physical relationship than anything (before he left and when he came back). I talked to him about it and he agreed. So for the last 4 months the rest of our relationship has really improved.

The problem I am finding.. he doesn't seem very interested in anything physical anymore! We used to talk about things. He never brings anything up. If I do, he doesn't say anything or changes the subject. It makes me feel like he is no longer attracted to me. Things get physical maybe once a month. Before I was okay with that. But now that the other parts of the relationship have improved I'm okay with things picking up a bit more.

I know I need to talk to him, but I'm really not sure how. I don't want him to think I'm obsessed with sex (I'm really not).

Why would a guy go from being one way to a completely different way? Obviously if I bring something up I want to talk about it. Like tonight I asked what he wanted to do tomorrow. He said he wasn't sure but we'd figure it out. I said I had an idea or two but he'd have to wait til tomorrow to find out ; ) All said was hm shouldn't you be going to bed.

I don't get it.

I'm just so frustrated.

Posts: 28 | From: DC | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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So, if I'm understanding this correctly, you two had an agreement to focus less on sex and more on other areas of your relationship? In that case, I'd not interpret his behaviour as a lack of interest in you. I'd interpret it as him honoring your agreement to focus more on the non-physical aspects of your relationship.

So if you feel like you two are ready to become more physical again, you'll simply have to talk to him about that.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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lucidkitty
Activist
Member # 49104

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You need to just flat out tell him is all. Boys are not much on signals, it's not how they are built. He probaly figures that you don't want to get physical that often and is honoring your wishes is all. Sit him down and explain that now that everything is much better you would like to be intimate more often.
Posts: 84 | From: baltimore,maryland | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sara
Neophyte
Member # 49208

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I'm starting to realize they're not much on signals. haha Things that are obvious to me aren't always to him.

I'll talk to him. Thanks guys [Smile]

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Sara
Neophyte
Member # 49208

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I talked to him. I suggested sex a little more often since other areas of the relationship have improved. He said he's actually ok with how things are right now. I never thought a guy would want sex just once a month or would turn sex more often down. I don't mean to have sex everytime we hang out, but maybe move to twice a month. I respect what he wants and not going to get upset over this. It just seems odd to me, lol
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I think it's important to recognize that the cultural idea -- and it's a pervasive one -- that men always want more sex or sex more often than women is a stereotype rather than a reality.

In reality, people's libidos and what they want sexually, and how frequently they want it, varies. It varies from person to person, not based on gender, and it also varies often in a given person from day-to-day, life-phase-to-life-phase.

And if and when we have any relationship problems or issues, that often will impact libido, including for men.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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lucidkitty
Activist
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Well it depends on you sara...if you are happy with once a month then fine. But if you are not then this can cause issues....and often resentment i have found. And everyone is different....some people even guys are happy with once a month....some like me want it once *or more* a day, there is no set standard.

[ 10-07-2010, 08:28 AM: Message edited by: lucidkitty ]

Posts: 84 | From: baltimore,maryland | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lucidkitty
Activist
Member # 49104

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I agree heather because i have scared many a boy off with my frighteningly high and aggressive sex drive. And have seen a lot of girls and guys over the years that put that stereotype to rest.
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OWL Dan
Activist
Member # 49077

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One of the biggest things that can help in any relationship is good communications; signals can be missed or misunderstood by bout sides. The more open you both are with your thoughts and feelings, the easier things will be. Try reading this article I attached.
As to where he is with the physical relationship, maybe he has realized that things were going to fast for him also. This is where talking will help you. I am happy to hear that the other areas of the relationship have improved.

Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

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Dan

Posts: 842 | From: Ohio | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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