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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » were both virgins

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Author Topic: were both virgins
Member # 48950

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me and my bf want to have sex but one of the things were worried about is messing it up because we don't know how to do it! any tips on how to do it in missonary postion with the guy on top??????? anybody plz help me!!!
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Executive Director & Founder
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Really, please know you can't really "mess sex up" in the way most people think about it. For sure, if someone does something someone else doesn't want, if someone purposefully hurts or exploits someone, those are ways to mess it up.

But for the most part, otherwise, sex isn't a performance or an exam you're being graded on. rather, sex with a partner -- whether it's your first partner or 21st -- is about people gradually learning each other's bodies and how they fit together, seeking out pleasure and looking to share it, and communicating and experimenting as they do all of that to find out, over time, what works best for you as unique people.

It's REALLY hard -- unless you're just blowing smoke -- to give people "tips" for a given position or kind of sex if you haven't had any kind of sex with them or their partner, or haven't had them try something, have an issue, and tell you what that issue is. We just can't know what will work best and feel best for you and your boyfriend. That's something you two will need to find out together.

Before you get sexual together, can the two of you maybe try and talk more about your worries and figure out what you're worried about most? Pain? Embarrassment? Hurting someone's feelings? Not living up to each other's expectations?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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