Some of our users have a hard time figuring out when they do or don't have expressly sexual feelings for someone and sexual chemistry with them.
Since we're all so different, and connections between people vary so much, there isn't any one easy answer to this. But I think if we can all talk about how WE have done that, our collective answers will probably be able to give others in need of those skills some cues.
So, how do *you* know? I can get folks started with a few of mine:
I very strongly want to touch the other person and have them touch me. When myself and another person are very close to each other, I feel a certain sense of electricity; an elevation of my own sexual energy and theirs. I tend to imagine the other person naked. Often on me, naked. Touching someone I have chemistry with even casually or affectionately can feel sexually charged, and often when I'm doing something like holding a hand or kissing, I want to do more or keep doing those things. I have sexual thoughts about that person. I may find it hard to focus sometimes on anything BUT those sexual thoughts. Sometimes if I feel chemistry but don't even know a person, I can feel connected to them already even though I'm really not.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 67932 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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I was just telling a friend how one of my favourite things about my relationship with an ex-partner of mine was the way I really just wanted to jump on him and rip his clothes off every time I saw him. That was really the most intense sexual chemistry I'd ever experienced, and I enjoyed it very much.
So, definitely, wanting to be naked with the other person, like, constantly is definitely a big sign that there's sexual chemistry.
Another way in which I notice sexual chemistry is, of course, wanting to be close to someone when I see them, thinking about touching them or being touched by them. When, while we are touching or kissing, I can get completely lost in the moment and it feels like the air is a little on fire and I just want to keep going.
With someone where we haven't kissed yet, where we're just out on the first date or just starting to get to know each other, my favourite part is the way I am super-aware of their body, and of my own body in relation to theirs. It's a very energizing and exciting feeling (and very conducive to my point above re. wanting to be naked with someone ).
-------------------- Johanna Scarleteen Volunteer
"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand Posts: 9166 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005
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One issues that arises quite often is that one can have very stong sexual chemistry with someone even though the actual relationship is an unhealthy one.
For example, I felt undeniable sexual chemistry towards an ex-partner of mine, but the relationship between us was not a healthy one, and so I had to leave.
However, because I felt so strongly about him sexually, it was very hard for me to walk away from the situation, since I had never felt that to those extremes before (in a sense of pure, raw sexual desire and compatibility). Due to this factor, the relationship draged on for much longer then I would normally have let it because the sexual magnetism won out over the harmful dynamics that we shared.
Just putting this out there because I think some other people either may have or one day will experience this.
-------------------- "Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain." -Joseph Campbell Posts: 210 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2010
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I had a similar experience to happybunny. I don't think it was quite unhealthy, but it was not the right relationship for me. But the chemistry was unreal. I thought this kind of thing only happened in the movies, not in real life. And it hurts because I have yet to find someone I have even half as much chemistry with.
I've also been thinking about the differences/similarities between sexual chemistry and sexual compatibility. Because I have a guy friend who I have pretty strong sexual chemistry with, when I'm around him and when we do foreplay and all of that, but I don't really enjoy sex (intercourse) with him. It's like I thought there was all this chemistry and then suddenly it's not there. It's very confusing.
With my super-chemistry-filled partner it was almost like an addiction. As much as I miss feeling so excited and turned on and high around him I feel like my obsession was probably not healthy. I wonder if there's a way to have that unbelievably intense chemistry without the unhealthy addiction/obsession.
I knew that my boyfriend and I had very strong sexual chemistry on the first date we had. We made out for 7 hours straight, not a word of a lie. I also want to touch him all over, all the time and never stop, I crave him! We are also naked all the time, and enjoy just staring at each others bodies. Looking at him is like looking at a delicious dessert. Theres always a sexy feeling between us, like something could happen at any moment.
I know I have sexual chemistry with someone if they find their way into my sexual fantasies. As well, if even mundane things that someone does (like brushing their hair, shaving, putting on a shirt) really turn me on. Like Heather said, even if I'm touching someone casually it feels sexually charged.
-------------------- "The truth of all predictions is always in your hands." Posts: 38 | From: Canada | Registered: Jul 2009
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