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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » He's Insecure About His Erections

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Author Topic: He's Insecure About His Erections
Isolde Blythe
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My boyfriend and I are juniors in high school (I'm 17 and he'll be 17 in Nov.) and this is our first relationship. We were each others' first kiss/makeout/petting. I have no issue with our sexual relationship so far; I've never felt pressured and neither has he.

He confided in me that he's really insecure about his erections, not because he's uncomfortable about his sexuality but because he gets them so often. I took it to mean that he was embarrassed about the fact that he gets them even when we're just kissing; he told me that he's been working on controlling them. I don't mind him getting hard (hey, it's a compliment); I want him to feel comfortable/okay with getting them, however often they come and even if we're only doing something minor.

I figure this insecurity that he'll get over with time, but how do I assure him that his constant, easy-to-get erections aren't something to worry about? (Is this just a teenage guy thing in general?)

Posts: 10 | From: Tuscaloosa, Alabama | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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By all means, it's very common for male-bodied people to find that erection can happen frequently and without control during puberty.

Does your boyfriend have any background at all when it comes to knowing what to expect with his body during this time in his development? If not, might he perhaps be open to a book on it, or to talking with his doctor so his doctor can fill him in?

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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Isolde Blythe
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He knows of the technicalities, the functions, etc. If he didn't before our conversation he certainly does now, as his biology class watched a sex-ed video last week. I simply don't want him to feel embarrassed, ashamed, or humiliated about the fact that he gets hard often, whatever often is for him; I wonder if it's the macho man "I must last a long time/control myself" line of thinking. If it is, how do I help him change that?
Posts: 10 | From: Tuscaloosa, Alabama | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Well, one thing you might mention is that women get aroused like this, too, and also have similar responses we can't control, they're just not as visible? Sometimes young men/men don't realize that the same thing happens to us because they either can't see it, or aren't even aware we have our own physiological sexual responses.

You could also perhaps reassure him that you're aware this is out of your control, and also don't interpret this as any kind of sexual pressure. We've had young men voice concerns about that aspect of this here in the past.

A lot of people, of all genders, have times where they have a hard time with how much our bodies can be out of our control, especially during and around puberty. So, this may also just be something that he needs some time to accept.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Felixosaurus
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Totally normal. TOTALLY. especially if he/you're engaging in activities that are arousing in some way. Maybe mention to him that random erections, while certainly more frequent during puberty, also happen to guys of all ages.

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Isolde Blythe
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This is a ton of help; next time he gets uncomfortable I'll let him know all of this. [Smile] To both of you, thanks a bunch!
Posts: 10 | From: Tuscaloosa, Alabama | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LSP
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This is my boyfriend, as well! I am 17 and he is 15. I honestly love it, though he is completely embarrassed by it. It's probably so embarrassing for guys because when they are turned on it's noticeable.. When on the other hand for us girls, it's not! [Smile] It's much less of a problem with my boyfriend now, because I comfort him about it and let him know it's really no big deal. I actually find it cute! I also help him by letting him know that just simple kissing turns me on, as well; he just can't see it! [Razz]
Posts: 13 | From: USA | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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