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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » i feel like i've gone too far to wait for intercourse

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Author Topic: i feel like i've gone too far to wait for intercourse
Member # 45829

Icon 5 posted      Profile for ErinElaine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
let me explain, me and my boyfriend are very committed, both 18yrs old, and we are both Christians, however, for over a year now (with some attempts at abstinence in between)we've been engaging in sexual acts, but not penile-vaginal intercourse. we've done about everthing else (oral, manual, many other types of foreplay)
and lately I've read a lot about how sex is not all it's cracked up to be (especially not the first time)
and I'm starting to wonder if it's even making sense to still wait for that sex, when we are already having other sexual acts and having orgasms.

Is there any big difference (emotional or physical) between having penile-vaginal sex and having oral or manual sex?
Am I being silly when I still want to wait for something that I've pretty much already experienced?

I have to add that more than once, me and him have gotten into angry/sad momments because of times when giving him a blowjob ended up being uncomfortable/painful/not a happy sexual ending (because I am not very good at it... yet) and he told me that he is starting to resent our sexual acts because he is pretty much upset that he can please me so well (which he can, he knows how to give me the best orgasm, not that it's always ended perfect, but he does make me feel so good) while I am not very good at pleasing him.
and honestly, that makes me feel bad, because i want to be able to please him.
i hope that our sex (whether we choose to wait or not) will be awesome for him.

on the whole "waiting" thing, he will wait for me.
sometimes he is all about waiting for it (he wants to be responsible), and other times he feels more like "he is a boy, he's not going to say no to sex, but he's waiting for me"

Oh! and another thing making me want to wait is that I really think I would like to be a technical virgin on my wedding day. but i know. that just stems from my religion making me feel proud about it.

Posts: 14 | From: Texas | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 45735

Icon 1 posted      Profile for robot_on_fire     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
firstly you are NOT silly.

2nly, its not the same as any other act, i felt the same way. But once i did have sex i understood how it was different. Both emotionally and physically.

You have every right to wait, IF you feel its the right move.

Well to be honest, HE does not seem to be very understanding.
Why no try to see what you can do to pleasure him without resorting to sexual intercourse, which you might now want to do.

He should give you tips, and actively communicate DURING the act. He needs to tell you what feels good for him.
Sex should never be done to get something in return, although both parties should more or less be satisfied.
I can see you are trying, but once again its also his responsibly to ensure how much pleasure he gets, but communicating.

Also beware that how he feels should never pressure you into having sex. or doing anything you do not want.
If he wont wait for you , you should not just give in to pleas him, remember this should be about YOU too.

Posts: 92 | From: las vegas | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 37835

Icon 1 posted      Profile for atm1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi Erin,

We actually have several articles that would answer a lot of your questions.

First off, in terms of communicating with your partner, why don't you take a look at these two:
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
Reciprocity, Reloaded
Robot gave you great advise that your partner should be communicating with you throughout. People don't just magically know what their partner enjoys--they do need to be told.

Now, I'd also encourage you to take a look at a couple of our articles that deal with virginity and first time sex.
Magical Cups & Bloody Brides: Virginity in Context
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

Lastly, I'd encourage you to take a look at these two pieces:
Let's Get Metaphysical: The Etiquette of Entry
An Immodest Proposal

[ 04-02-2010, 07:22 PM: Message edited by: atm1 ]

Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 45829

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ErinElaine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
hey robot, thanks for the post. thanks for answering my question so directly =)
we are still waiting, and as of now, that is the plan till marriage.

communication is always going to be something to work on i think =P for both of us

believe me, he would never want to pressure me into having sex. it only becomes such a close call because a part of me really wants it, but at the same time a part of me really wants to wait. and i think that's normal [Smile] but i'm looking forward to it.

Posts: 14 | From: Texas | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 47104

Icon 1 posted      Profile for PandaBean     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Maybe you could try using a toy on him? I have the exact same problem, except I slipped up and we didn't wait. :/ But God still loves me. ;3

Anyway, sorry if it's TMI but I want to help...

I went to a sex shop with my bf and he picked out this thing called a "pocket pussy." Reaaaally weird. But anyway, by using that and some edible lube, he really enjoys it when I use the toy on him as well as use oral. It sometimes also satiates his desire for real sex because it can feel like a real vaginal canal. It was only about 6 bucks too, so it's pretty cheap. ^^

I hope this helps.

Posts: 4 | From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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