Donate Now
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Under pressure

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Under pressure
Tabitha
Neophyte
Member # 42534

Icon 11 posted      Profile for Tabitha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My boyfriend and I have been going out for over a year. We began having sex around 2 months ago, before which I went on the injection and we use condoms too.
While I know even having 2 methods isn't 100% safe - I can deal with that, pregnancy really isn't something I want right now. So if for some reason we don't have a condom handy, I just don't feel comfortable doing anything.
My boyfriend doesn't like this. He keeps trying to persuade me into having sex - saying there was no point in having the injection if I'm never going to trust it, etc. It's frustrating and a little hurtful to hear him say this stuff. I feel really pressured.
Am I right to want to use two methods all the time, or am I just paranoid, should I give it a chance? Just how safe is the injection?

--------------------
"Gnomes! Capture the squirrel!"

Posts: 7 | From: My head | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Your boyfriend isn't the person who can become pregnant. When it comes to these choices, any partner needs to privilege what the person who can become pregnant feels THEY need.

As well, the injection (which is safe for good candidates, though if you're under 20 or so, you should be sure you're taking a calcium supplement) doesn't protect you from sexually transmitted infections.

AND, anyone gets to have limits and boundaries in sex. If you are only comfortable using both Depo and injections, your boyfriend needs to accept that, not argue with you about it. If he doesn't like having a partner who requires condoms, then the onus is on him to not choose you as a partner (however, especially as he gets older, it's going to be tougher for him to find partners who won't ask for that safety, so).

Have you made clear to him that you feel pressured, that he needs to accept your limits and boundaries, and that when it comes to pregnancy, until he can become pregnant, he needs to defer to you?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67169 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aguyfromoz
Neophyte
Member # 45250

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Aguyfromoz     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My two cents from a male point of view:

I totally agree with Heather that you have every right to insist on a condom since you are the one that has to deal with any unwanted pregnancy.
You need to make it quite plain to him that no condom = no penetration. In an ideal world he should have his own stash, but it obviously wouldn't hurt for you to keep some on hand so you're never tempted to have sex without a condom because you didn't have any around.
As an alternative or in addition to, may I suggest some non-penetrative activities such as mutual masturbation and cunnulingus/handjob/blowjobs? Assuming he has had a clear STD check recently those activities have a negligible pregnancy risk providing there is NO penetration and any semen is cleaned up with a wet wipe.

Posts: 10 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Tabitha
Neophyte
Member # 42534

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Tabitha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I've made it clear we have to use condoms, we talk about it together a lot. I want to compromise on something, we're both in this relationship, and while my needs are important I want to make it clear to him I want to meet his as well. Could thinner condoms be an option? I know they're more sensitive, and sensitivity is an issue for him.

--------------------
"Gnomes! Capture the squirrel!"

Posts: 7 | From: My head | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3