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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » too loose and lubey?

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Author Topic: too loose and lubey?
Smellycheesebot
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Member # 44126

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About half or so the times my boyfriend and I have sex, I can't feel much. I feel emotionally connected and it's still amazing sex, but, my vagina feels like it might as well be made of plastic for all I know.

I get REALLY luby when I'm turned on. So, I think it might be a little too much lube. My boyfriend doesn't exactly have a tiny penis, so I know it's not that.

I haven't noticed much of a difference in terms of what position (ie: it seems random, one night a certain position is AMAZING and the next, it's like "are you in?"), or with ribbed/studded vs. not ribbed or studded condoms.

Am I just too loose or lubey? Is there any way I could fix this?

My boyfriend and I have an amazing relationship with lots of communication, and we talk about sex a lot, so it's not a communication problem.

Posts: 27 | From: Oregon | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I honestly don't think -- and what I know about sexology, women's bodies, and sex doesn't suggest as much either -- that a lot of self-lubrication has much, if any, impact on a lack of vaginal sensation.

By all means, more friction can feel like more friction. However, when you're talking about intercourse, most of the sensation women get isn't about friction, or the penis running the vaginal walls. Rather, it's about a feeling of fullness, pressing against the sensitive areas of the whole vulva (because the vaginal canal, for the most part, doesn't have many sensory nerve endings which would respond to friction). Perhaps you can see how, given that, how lubricated you are is unlikely to be a factor.

There's also no such thing as too "loose." By all means, you may find that something wider -- that fills you up more -- feels better, or like more. You can certainly experiment to see if you like with either manual sex (fingers or a hand inside your vagina) or sex toys.

But what it may simply be is that for you, like the majority of women, intercourse all by itself just doesn't get you there, or that, for plenty, it just doesn't feel like much of anything. So, you might also just try adding other stimulus/activities TO or with your intercourse that DO feel more stimulating for you.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Smellycheesebot
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Sometimes I can come from intercourse though, actually, I usually do (I rarely do through straight manual, but it can help with intercourse).

Maybe on those times I'm just concentrating too much on the inside of my vag. I'll try thinking about other parts...

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Heather
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Well, it could be that. It could also be a host of other things.

For instance, you're probably not exactly as aroused every single time you have intercourse. That can make a difference. Too, some women find they have different levels or kinds of sexual response at different times in their fertility cycles. And even things like how much sleep you got the night before, what you have been eating, if you're stressed or not, if you two are having a great-relationship day or a so-so one...all of those kinds of things can be factors, too.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Smellycheesebot
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I meant the OP should consider BC if she's going to be doing sexual things.

Geeze, it's like every time I try to be helpful on this site I get yelled at.

Posts: 27 | From: Oregon | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I assume that reply was about this post: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/2/t/012310.html

I didn't yell at you nor at anyone else here. I made a very gentle correction. That's part of my job.

It's simply that -- especially for younger people -- "get on the pill" is a pretty common response, sometimes even from healthcare providers, and since that's not the best method for everyone, not something everyone can use or want, it can get a little intense for people to hear. It can also be a bit dubious, especially since many of our users don't know about the range of their contraceptive options, and it's important to us they do. Okay?

If you want a suggestion on how to be more helpful in this respect, you might consider asking if a user knows about various kinds of contraception, if they feel a method of contraception would be a good idea right now (versus waiting on partnersex), and if so, if they want to know about any particular methods.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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