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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » I can't understand why it hurts so much

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Author Topic: I can't understand why it hurts so much
Proverb
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Member # 35147

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Hi Scarleteen, if anyone has time, please could you advise me on this? I realise the question must come up all the time, but I can't understand why attempting penetrative sex with my boyfriend is so painful.

I have had (painful and drunk) penetrative sex before with with my (rather girthy) best friend. I didn't enjoy it, but I was drunk enough to not feel 100% of the pain.

Several months later, I have a boyfriend who I love and trust and respect, and he feels the same way about me. He's made me enjoy my body, all sex acts are amazing, we never do it drunk and it's basically awesome.

BUT

we've tried penetrative sex - penis into vagina - a few times now, and it never works. I often feel a really sharp pain when he just puts a finger in, and it makes my whole body feel really sensitive to pain all over.

We try putting it in gradually; we use loads of lube. We make sure we're both incredibly aroused - in my case, usually just before orgasm (I feel too sensitive immediately after orgasm). We've done it while I kept a vibrator on my clitoris. We've done it with and without a condom (we've both been tested, and I'm on birth control). It always hurts, so so much. Just getting it in there, before we even get to the thrusting. It suddenly feels like the world's biggest square peg trying to fit into the tiniest round hole.

The pain feels really sharp, and hurts my entire genital area. I've heard that first time sex hurts and I should just get used to it, but why should I have to? When I'm doing everything right, and I'm always in the mood?

In short, what the hell is wrong with me?

Thank you.

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Live Life As You Like

Posts: 15 | From: England | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
EVivian
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I'd recommend seeing a gynecologist about this. This amount of pain, even when careful, aroused, and from a small amount of penetration, doesn't sound normal.
Posts: 71 | From: USA | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Indeed, given what you're describing and everything you've tired, I'd say it's time, and EVivian suggested, to see your OB/GYN about this.

It may be that you have a vulvar pain condition, or that you have a hymenal issue, and you'll want to rule physical issues like that out first -- or address them with a healthcare provider if you have them -- before looking back to behavioral or other issues.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Proverb
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Thank you both very much. I will contact a gynocologist as soon as possible.

One final question - I like in England. Does anybody know how I can do this?

Thanks again.

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Live Life As You Like

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Bragorien
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That's a question I too am concerned with, it seems in America everyone knows their gynocologist etc. but its not the same in England. We seem more shy about things.. so yeah, how do you see a gynocologist? :/

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"I made a resolution: Dance, like nobody's watching. Which I do... with the curtains closed - in case anybody's watching!"

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Getting OB/GYN care in the UK isn't that different from how people get it here stateside. (I also don't think it's true that any of this is about shyness, or that American women are more comfortable getting this care or find it easier to get. If that were so, our STI rates would be lower here, women here would not be going so long without that care, etc.)

You have several options.

You can often get that care for the doctor or clinic you use for everything else just by asking for it. OR, you can get a referral from your general doctor for that care. OR, you can go to a clinic like a Brook or Marie Stopes clinic for your sexual healthcare.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Proverb
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Member # 35147

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Thank you very much Heather [Smile]

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Live Life As You Like

Posts: 15 | From: England | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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