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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » :( This is making no sense.

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Author Topic: :( This is making no sense.
Member # 42340

Icon 9 posted      Profile for miss.mayy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Firstly, this site is amazing. Thank you so much for this. Honestly, I've learnt more sitting reading all of the problems others have encountered than I've ever learnt from a regimented book.

Right, my problem?

I started having sex a month ago. My first time was amazing, it was intense, it was perfect. I felt no pain, I felt nothing but adoration, pleasure and above all I felt so close to my boy I thought I might cry. Sadly, recently things havn't been as good. Not because either of us don't want to, or not because we can't. I can't get aroused anymore. And it's really upsetting me. The last time I was aroused was when my boyfriend and I were out shopping, and he was stroking up my legs as I stood on a wall.

I don't understand why all of a sudden nothing happens. I've been reduced to tears on so many occasions because I want to be. Not all the time, obviously - just when he and I are intimate.

Everything will be happening like it happened before when I could get aroused, and I'll really want to do things with him, and experience all the amazing feelings again, but if he touches me I feel as dry as a sandbox.

I'm always terrified he'll think it's his fault, but it's not. He's delicious, and sometimes I only have to look at him and my mind will wander and all those thoughts will eventually make me aroused.

Sometimes I do get a little way there, and we'll start to have sex, but after a while it feels uncomfortable. Or even I feel nothing at all - nothing but movement.

I'm sorry if I didn't explain very well. I'm kinda upset at the moment, and I'm not very eloquent when it comes to explaining these kinds of things. Before I became sexually active I was always under the impression I was going to stay a virgin a really long time. Not that that's a problem, I was just scared of sex until a few weeks before I actually had sex.

I never masturbate because it's redundant to me; nothing becomes of it, and I never ever get the build up and climax I get when my boyfriend does it. I don't really like masturbating, because it just makes me feel lonely.

I'm rambling now.

Again, sorry if this is incoherent.

I'm 17 by the way

Posts: 2 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Karybu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Right off the bat, I just want to reassure you that it's perfectly normal for people to go through periods where they're just not interested in having sex - that's fine, it's nothing to get freaked out about. Everyone experiences ups and downs in their sex drive, and it's entirely possible you're just going through a bit of a down period.

Another thing that can have a big impact on arousal is stress. So, to give you a few things to think about: anything in your life that might be stressing you out? School, family, friends, or even your relationship with your boyfriend? Are you completely comfortable with the idea of having sex and all that goes along with it? Do you feel good about your choices regarding birth control and protecting yourself from STIs?

When it comes to sex, too, are you trying to jump right into penis-in-vagina intercourse or are you making sure to include plenty of other activities? Intercourse, for many, many reasons is not the be-all and end-all of sex and definitely shouldn't be thought of as the "main event".

Finally, don't feel like you need to keep having sex just because you've had sex in the past. If you're feeling aroused and you want to, then that's fine, but don't force yourself because you feel it's expected of you or because you feel like you're supposed to want to.

"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

Posts: 5799 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 42340

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Thank you for replying. [Smile]

I didn't realise stress could cause lack of arousal. Things with my boyfriend are perfect. And I am completely comfortable with having sex, and all that comes with it - I don't feel I need to have sex just because I didn't before. I never force myself to do anything, and he never forces me to do anything, he's a very loving person, and cares about me a lot, as I do for him.

We don't do the whole 'jumping right into it' thing, hence my confusion :/ And most of the time I don't sit there expecting it to happen. Not that he springs it on me - we just don't plan it all out before hand. It all happens naturally. I think I'd feel like it was being forced, or played out if we planned it all out first. We do the other things before actual intercourse (and afterwards sometimes).

Why can't I feel it though? Sometimes I cannot feel anything but the actual movement, when before I've definitely felt a lot more than just movement.


[ 03-17-2009, 02:38 PM: Message edited by: miss.mayy ]

Posts: 2 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 24641

Icon 1 posted      Profile for wyntermidnite     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Did you go on the pill? I know they say that loss of arousal is really rare on it, but I went on it, had a noticeable decrease in arousal, went off it 2 years later and all of the sudden it's like I had no idea what I was missing. If you just went on the pill, maybe that's it.
Posts: 70 | From: Fullerton, CA, USA | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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