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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Horny way too often..?

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Author Topic: Horny way too often..?
fun610
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I dont know why but i'm almost always horny or turned-on. it really bugs me because there isnt much i can do about it. and i hate having pervy things in my mind. i want to have a bf but im afraid when i get one ill make a huge mistake and do something with him that i want to wait on.

Why am i always horny? is there anything i can do to stop being soo horny?

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bluejumprope
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You said, "there isn't much i can do about it," but were you including masturbation? I think masturbation is just the ticket when it comes to relieving uncomfortable arousal--or heck, just when you feel like it.

Arousal is a super wonderful, healthy thing, so I'm wary of describing it as a problem. Can I ask why having "pervy" things on your mind bothers you? Does the idea of masturbation bother you?

Here are some articles you might find useful:

Is Masturbation Okay? (Yep.)
Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
How Do You Masturbate?
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

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without tenderness, we are in hell. -Adrienne Rich

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Idir
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It's hormones, obviously.
They're there for a reason, a biological one, my teacher said that it is to prevent species from extinction, or something like that.
That's improbable, with the 6.5 billion we have know, be we still have these urges, so the healthiest way would be masturbation.

And as bluejumprope said, there ain't nothing wrong with it, you're not "perverted" for being horny.

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I know there is an over the rainbow for me.

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bluejumprope
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Idir's post made me think of two other articles you might find helpful:

The hormones made me do it?
How do I calm down my sexual desires around others?

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without tenderness, we are in hell. -Adrienne Rich

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Just FYI? I want to make sure we're careful here at Scarleteen not to oversimplify sexual desires, thoughts and urges as just being about hormones.

Sexuality is SO much more complex than being merely about hormones, survival or reproduction.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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fun610
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bluejumprope
i do masturbate and i have no trouble. but it just bothers me that i do it so much. and im just a lot more pervy than my friends. they keep their comments to themself and i dont.

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bluejumprope
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Can I ask why it bothers you how much you masturbate?

Just so you know where I'm coming from: I've had many years where I've been in the masturbating-many-times-a-day, every-day, club, and I know how at certain times having a high libido can feel like a drag. And, like Heather touched on in How do I calm down my sexual desires around others?, I can say from personal experience, that in some ways these things change over time.

But I guess what I'm trying to figure out from my question is how YOU feel about your sexuality, and how you feel about masturbating regularly. Because it seems to me like it's probably negative ideas about sex, rather than a libido issue, that's making you feel crappy. I'm not sure how exactly you mean the word "pervy" but I want to make clear that there's nothing perverted about being sexual. There's nothing wrong with masturbating a lot or thinking about sex a lot. People who are less interested in sex are not better than those for whom it's a larger part of their consciousness. You deserve to be around people who think the ways you are sexual are awesome.

If you're finding that your interests are different than your friends, you might be happier if you find some new friends who are more on your wavelength, you know what I mean?

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without tenderness, we are in hell. -Adrienne Rich

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fun610
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I like the idea of sex. it's not all negative. i do want to wait until im married. i just dont want to make a mistake in my life becuz of my hornyness.
I just don't like masturbating becuz i feel alone. yes i know almost everyone does it. but its just kinda weird. id rather use a sex toy than masturbate. but with my luck my dad will find it and lecture me. which i dont need becuz my mom always says to ask her if i have questions. i do ask her questions but these type of question i use you guys here and scarleteen to help me out.
And my friends dont care too much about me being sexual, they just shake their heads when i say something innapropite.

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Heather
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Just a note: masturbation is whatever we do to seek out sexual pleasure for yourselves, by ourselves. So, doing that with sex toys -- rather than, say, your hands -- is masturbation.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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fun610
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Oh haha. i feel kinda dumb for saying that then!
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mirrorimg361
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If it helps at all, it is a very natural thing to be horny a lot. People all have different sex drives and having a higher one isn't necessarily a bad thing. Also, it's awseome that you're mature enough to realize that you don't want to do something and make a mistake you regret, nice job [Smile]
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KittenGoddess
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quote:
Originally posted by fun610:
And my friends dont care too much about me being sexual, they just shake their heads when i say something innapropite.

Let me throw another idea out here for a moment. I see several times that you say you're saying things that are "inappropriate".

It might be helpful to explore what this actually means. Are you saying things that make others uncomfortable? Are we talking about self-disclosures (you telling things about yourself) or about you commenting about others?

I guess I'm wondering part of the way you feel about this is related to your communication skills. In other words, perhaps you're worrying about being "too horny" because you say things that have sexual connotation and then the people around you react to them, making you feel weird about feeling sexual. If that is the case, then perhaps we could help you work on ways to better communicate with others that will still allow you to be YOU, but not create the discomfort that you're feeling.

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Sarah Liz

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Johann7
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quote:
Originally posted by fun610:
I like the idea of sex. it's not all negative. i do want to wait until im married.
i just dont want to make a mistake in my life becuz of my hornyness.

It's a good idea to experience a given kind of sexual activity when and only when you feel ready for it. That said, it's also a good idea to explore sexually outside of a relationship with the financial, emotional, legal, and possibly long-term consequences of a marriage. It's typically a lot easier to work through any problems that may arise (differing sex drives, differing sexual preferences, etc.) BEFORE your relationship with a partner has all of the social and legal connotations that go along with marriage. When you say you want to wait until marriage, I assume you're talking about penile-vaginal penetrative partnered sex; know that there are many other kinds of sex, both alone and with partners, that you can explore if you do want to wait on this one form. Again, I'm not trying to pressure you into ANY activity before you yourself feel you're ready, but I would urge you to use how YOU feel as a guide to determine whether you're ready for a given sexual activity, and not how your parents feel or your church feels or society feels, because none of these know you and your body as well as you yourself do.

quote:
I just don't like masturbating becuz i feel alone. yes i know almost everyone does it. but its just kinda weird.
Try not to look at masturbation (as noted above, masturbation is any kind of sexual activity you engage in with yourself, by yourself) as some kind of substitute for partnered sex but instead as a separate, distinct part of your whole sexuality. Even people who are in committed, long-term relationships and have sex together multiple times a day masturbate. Masturbation isn't any "better" or "worse", any more or less valid or "real sex" than is partnered sex, it's simply a different form of sexual expression. Cultivating a healthy, positive attitude toward masturbation can also help you get in better touch with your body and your sexual response cycle, which will help you recognize what kinds of sexual activity you want and feel ready for at any given time. So try to see masturbation not as a substitute but as part of your sexuality to which you will at some point add (if you choose to) partnered sexual activity. Obviously you don't HAVE to masturbate if it doesn't do anything for you, but you should take a step back and look at why it is you feel how you do about masturbation. Is it because of the way the activity feels in the moment? Is it because of what your parents/school/church/friends/society tell you about masturbation and how it should be viewed? Part of masturbation is sexual self-exploration, and this need not be limited to physical exploration; it can (and should!) include emotional and intellectual self-exploration as well.

quote:
And my friends dont care too much about me being sexual, they just shake their heads when i say something innapropite.
I'm also extremely curious about what you mean by inappropriate. What are some of these comments you've made? What was the context? Who felt they were inappropriate: you, your friends, someone else, some combination of these? Talking about sex is only inappropriate if it makes someone uncomfortable and they have no option which allows them to avoid the discussion e.g. sex talk is not appropriate in the workplace if it makes someone uncomfortable, because that person is required to be there for his/her job. If discussing sex makes your friends uncomfortable, you might want to talk to them about why it does (without being judgmental) so you can better understand when it is or is not ok to talk about. And if they decide that it's never ok to discuss anything about sex with them, you should respect their decisions, and perhaps also look for some new friends with whom you can discuss sex, since it sounds like it's important to you.

As for your original concern that you're constantly horny, my advice would be to keep a sense of humor about it. While sex can be serious business, it's also fun and genuinely funny. People have a tendency to get caught-up in the serious aspects and forget about the funny side. Basically when it comes down to it there's so much fear and tension and angst and power and joy and many other things wrapped up in how and with whom we like to rub little parts of our body, and when you take a step back and look at sex that way, it IS a little bit silly. :-)

As stated above, there's nothing wrong with thinking about sex a lot, and wanting to experience sex with yourself or others is in no way perverted, it's completely normal and natural. If anyone's trying to make (or succeeding in making) you feel bad about the feelings and thoughts you're having, you need to stop listening to that person and/or taking what they say seriously. And to not make the mistake of doing something you really want to wait on, the best way is to listen to yourself, to learn to recognize how you feel and why, without internalizing someone else's standards.

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Robble Robble Robble!

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cairuh
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Ever since I was very young, I mean I'm talking EXTREMELY young, I've been obsessed with sex. I'm not just talking about being horny, I'm also talking about just thinking about sex and sexual situations and making everything into something sexual. None of my friends were ever like that; I was always very 'unique' or as others have liked to call me 'weird'. My parents even labeled me as being 'hyper sexual' and sent me to years and years of therapy and counseling. My parents thought something was wrong with me because of how sexually open I was and how I could turn just about anything into something 'perverted'.
You said that your friends don't mind, but that they just shake their heads when you say something 'inappropriate'. By this I'm guessing that you mean you say some 'perverted' or 'super freakin funny' things having to do with sex? If so, I'm right there with you. I always say exactly what is on my mind to my friends and they shake their heads too. They also laugh hysterically and say I 'took it wayyy too far'. Being super sexual is just a part of my personality, and I feel it is also part of my appeal. Sex is natural, sex is fun, and sex is frowned upon in our society. If we were all a little bit more open about sex we'd all be a lot happier! And think of how less awkward situations would be!
I always felt something was wrong with me, that I was 'abnormally horny' but in reality we are all sexual creatures, and those of us who are open to our own sexuality are just sexually healthy and happy and sexually aware of ourselves [Smile]
I do not think you are too horny, I think you are sexually healthy! As to the masturbation issue, masturbation can seem 'dirty' or 'wrong', but really that is all bull crap! Society shuns sex and masturbation, telling us that sex is only for reproduction when really our bodies thrive on sexual stimulation! To be healthy we have to meet our bodys' sexual needs, and when there isn't a partner around, there are our hands and sex toys to take their place!

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Heather
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I just want to add a brief note to this expressing a concern that people's personal boundaries might be confused for shaming or unacceptance of sexuality. In other words, it often just isn't this black and white, and people's boundaries do matter, and it's sound -- as a person who cares for others -- not to tromp all over them or hastily label them as being intolerant or "not open enough" for having boundaries or areas of discomfort.

Generally, we don't fix what IS intolerance well by not being mindful about that, and if we aren't mindful of the boundaries of others, and tolerant of the sexualities and limits of others, we can't really expect them to treat us any differently. As well, harassment is a very real issue, and one certainly can err on the part of sexual comments or disclosures and wind up harassing someone else, which obviously isn't cool or liberated behavior.

I also want to note that it is not patently unhealthy not to masturbate or have sexual partners. By all means, it's not UNhealthy to do so, but people who choose to do neither, or who feel physical urges they do not enact, are not likely endangering their health in any way.

Please understand -- in case it's not obvious given what I have made my life's work -- that I totally understand and am more than familiar with intolerance around sexuality. But at the same time, one big part of doing what I have at my work involves figuring out ways to best talk about sexuality so a) everyone can really hear it and b) people are made MORE comfortable rather than even more UNcomfortable. And it is a pretty involved endeavor that tends to involve doing everything I can not to go to black-and-white thinking about people's sexual attitudes or the idea that there is one right way for everyone to talk about sex.

[ 03-11-2009, 05:05 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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