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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Selfish?

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Author Topic: Selfish?
Member # 42084

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My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years and have been having sex for just over a year and a half. We are very comfortable with eachother both emotionally and physically. Anyway to my question. He gives me oral quite often as foreplay and others just to be close to eachother. I feel selfish whenhe does this because I feel like he's getting nothing out of it. I've told him how I feel about this before and he says it's not selfish of me at all he gets as much out of it as I do. Somehow I have a hard time believing this. I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Or if someone can help me to understand how he feels this. Thanks.
Posts: 8 | From: Louisiana | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Why don't you start by having a look at this: Reciprocity, Reloaded.

That's all about what you're talking about here.

Might also be worth asking yourself what YOU get out of activities you do that are about pleasure "for him?" I put that in quotes mostly because if we're having sex with someone, their pleasure often IS our pleasure, and part of what makes sex exciting is seeing someone we dig really enjoying themselves.

..and, of course, taking your partner at his word. [Smile]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sedi Tlugvi
Member # 21797

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I really wouldn't doubt his word on that. In regards to oral, I'm pretty much the same with my partner. I personally don't enjoy having oral preformed on me, but I get a lot of pleasure from preforming it on him. I like to make him feel good and that, in turn, turns me on, as well. =]
Posts: 75 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 42061

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I don't know if im allowed to post my opinion, but here goes..
Well what he means is that he loves doing it to you because he's pleasuring you..for example I get pleasure from giving my boyfriend oral because I know he loves it..and as heather said his pleasure is mine and vice versa =) so do believe him. As you said its just one more way for the both of you to feel close..


Posts: 16 | From: new york | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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