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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Fingering issues...

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Author Topic: Fingering issues...
richyrich55
Neophyte
Member # 41466

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Hey ST, me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 months come Dec. 9th and we haven't had sex nor have I fingered her. I've rubbed her clit and all that but when I go to finger her she says, "Ow". I've read a few topics about fingering and they didn't really answer my question. I know that she needs to be relaxed and whatnot (she was after I had given her oral) but when I look at her vagina, I don't see her hymen anywhere (we're both virgins) and I don't know what's going on. I'm not sure if it's just her vaginal muscles that are contracting or if there is something wrong with her. Oh by the way, she said she has never fingered herself or stuck anything up there.

Is there a set amount of time where I have to go down on her/arouse her so she can be even more relaxed?

Posts: 3 | From: Niagara Falls, Ontario | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JamsessionVT
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 17924

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Nope. Not every woman is the same; she may need a significantly longer period of time to become comfortable and relaxed enough to be okay with penetrative activities.

Too, keep in mind that if she hasn't experimented with penetrating HERSELF, chances are it's going to take her a good amount of time (in terms of weeks, even months, etc.) to get used to penetration. She may not realize what it means or feels like to be fully aroused and relaxed.

Has she actually asked you to finger her? Has there been any sort of communication on that note? Because if she's clearly uncomfortable and not specifically asking you, you might want to find out if that's even something she wants. And if it is, you may find that, with time, it just isn't something that does anything for her. Not all women respond to stimuli the same.

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Abbie
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richyrich55
Neophyte
Member # 41466

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Oh I know she wants me to finger her, she has said in the past she really wants to have sex with me aswell. I made a bit of headway tonight, I managed to penetrate about an inch or so with my middle finger (I went slow and told her to tell me to stop if it hurt). She seems to be super tight and she has a really small hole...

Thanks for the info. [Smile]

[ 12-08-2008, 10:18 PM: Message edited by: richyrich55 ]

Posts: 3 | From: Niagara Falls, Ontario | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nYko
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Member # 41487

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Super tight and small hole... she's not aroused. How much time are you spending on the foreplay? Before any insertion. You may want to spend much more time on oral.

I know in the very beginning with my girlfriend, I'd have to spend at least an hour (or even more) with oral, and now we're at the point where it doesn't even matter. We can have sex on a spur on the moment thing. It'll get better. (: Just keep trying. Be patient. It WILL take a lot of time.

Don't rush things, and make sure that she knows that she doesn't have to rush either.

Also, as a lot of people here say, she's welcome to post here and check out articles and whatnot. I'm sure it would help her out. Just have her make an account. (:

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richyrich55
Neophyte
Member # 41466

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Hey ST,

Just thought I'd give a little update:

We've gotten to the point where I can almost get two fingers in all the way! She told me on the phone yesterday that she got three of her fingers in!

Next up, intercourse [Big Grin]

Posts: 3 | From: Niagara Falls, Ontario | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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...and this is all feeling GOOD to her?

In other word,s this is me, checking in that all of this is about what feels good, rather than about just getting to intercourse or some kind of arbitrary benchmark.

I also want to make sure you're aware that fingers feeling good doesn't automatically equal intercourse feeling good.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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