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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » (Female) Masturbation Question

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Author Topic: (Female) Masturbation Question
Dragontamer
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Member # 41051

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Yes, I get that there's a few topics on this at the moment, but I still wanted to get this off my chest and see what you think. (Sorry if I articulate myslef badly too, I'm not used to talking about this stuf as you can guess-haha I also hope that being personally specific isn't uncomfortable for anyone.)

Anyway:

I started masturbating a few months ago/maybe half a year ago, and I'm worried that i've somehow got 'past my best', or whether I'm just not able to recognise an orgasm is I end up having one. My early attempts were pretty decent, and got to a full-body sort of electric feeling that felt like I was almost at orgasm, but at the last moment I always had to break it off because felt I couldn't go on. I don't know whether that's just me wimping out form the intensity or what, but i've never been able to get to that point again, and any time I almost do it feels uncomfortable and I break it off, or it just sort of almost peaks and then fades by itself quickly.
Despite trying again a good few times (practice makes perfect), I haven't had the same intense/nice feeling i got that early time, and it feels like I'm just going through the motions, and I'm always left dissatisfied and distinctly non-orgasmed. i'm worried that the more I do it, the less sensitive I'll be.

I know it's too much to expect an orgasm with partnered sex all the time [I'm still an unboyfriended virgin anyway, so I'm not thinking much about that yet] but I thought that it was comparably easy to get one with masturbation. I sort of feel like i'm letting myself down by not getting one.

People talk of the many ways one can masturbate, but so far nothing but clit-stuff works, and that gets less and less effective. I'm worrie dthat i'm getting bored before I've even begun, and I'm all out of ideas. Plus, not as much seems to rev me up as it used to, and while I'm genrally straight when it comes to who I actually fancy, when it's fantasising it usually involves girls.

In short, I feel I have no control over anything-haha

I mean, heck, I'm only 19, I'm worried i've already fizzled out!

Can you give me any advice on how to improve
my pathetic excuse for a sex life? Is there something wrong with me?

[ 11-11-2008, 10:23 AM: Message edited by: Dragontamer ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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First things first: if the more someone masturbated or had sex, the less sensitive we became, we'd all probably stop having sex of any kind pretty early in life. [Smile] In other words, that's not a realistic scenario, so there's just no need to worry about that.

This statement
quote:
I sort of feel like i'm letting myself down by not getting one.
...says a lot to me. If you have that feeling when you're masturbating or having any kind of sex, that kind of goal-oriented mindset is often the biggest barrier both to orgasm and to pleasure.

What I'm hearing is that of late, you haven't been all that interested in masturbation save trying to reach this "goal." Does that sound right?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dragontamer
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That;s true-haha

I suppose you're right actually- there's only been a few times where I was genuinely horny or whatever for a period beforehand. (as opposed to seeking out stuff to make me that way, if you see what I mean).
I think most of it has been just trying to get that 'goal' back. i've wanted to masturbate, but only becuase i want that feeling again.
Does that make sense?

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Of course.

The thing is, that's doing something sexologists call "spectatoring," that orgasm-oriented approach, and it really is THE thing that makes orgasm most unlikely.

As well, masturbating won't raise your libido or your desire for sex.

I'd say that your best bet is just accepting that our bodies and sexualities do have ebbs and flows, and sometimes, we just aren't feeling it. That can be for days, weeks, months, sometimes even years, and there's nothing wrong with that. Let's put it this way: if for months, you didn't want chocolate, you'd not really miss out on not having it, since you weren't craving it in the first place. Know what I mean? There's nothing the matter with not feeling sexual desire for a while, or not wanting to have any kind of sex.

So why not just spend the time you'd spend masturbating on the other parts of your life you DO feel a drive for, and ARE inspired by right now. It's pretty darn likely you will feel those desires again, and when you do, those are the times to seek out that pleasure, and also the times you're far more likely to both experience pleasure and orgasm.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dragontamer
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hmmn, can't say i've ever had a desire to NOT eat chocolate ;p
lol, yes I see exactly what you mean. Thankyou for the advice, it's quite a relief (as silly as that sounds)

[and just throwing in a quick thankyou for this site in general, I've never come across anytthing as informative, friendly and helpful as this]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, I'm with you on the chocolate, there.

However, I'm also with you on the sexual desire, as is the rest of the human race. If you talk to people throughout life -- including any partners you'll have in the future -- you'll tend to discover pretty quickly that when people are being honest, nearly everyone is going to have had times, sometimes even long stretches of time, when they didn't experience sexual desire or sexual desire string enough to make them particularly compelled to have sex or masturbate.

And you're so welcome! [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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