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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Blow jobs... with or without condom?

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Author Topic: Blow jobs... with or without condom?
smokey
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I've been giving my boyfriend blowjobs for a while now... we have always used condoms and a couple of weeks ago I was ready to try it without a condom... but I totally freaked... so we didn't.

I just thought: gosh this is a little gross?

I don't really want to say 'gross' because that's not a nice way to put it at all. If anything I was a little taken aback by just having his penis there and without a condom on it.

I'm just wondering if this means I'm too immature to be doing all this stuff... or it's just a little confronting? How can I sort of ease myself into it? I suppose I just have to get a bit more comfortable with his body because it's so different to mine...

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Gwaihir
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Have both of you been tested for STIs? It's very important to make sure you both have a clean bill of health before engaging in sexual activity without condoms. As for the unreadiness part, I'm not sure I'd end up being much help, but I would venture to say that it is a matter of getting comfortable with his body first, but certainly don't force yourself to do anything you're not ready for. [Smile]
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smokey
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Yeah neither of us have STIs... I guess I just won't force it until I'm ready... I suppose it's a little like the first time for anything... [Smile]
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You might also just make some time for you to (there's no wording for this that doesn't sound silly) hang out with his penis, uncovered, without anything really sexual going on.

In other words, if you two haven't just kind of hung out nude, maybe taken a bath together -- something where you can just get used to what his genitals look like -- a more benign setting for a time or two might be helpful. And I would say that if you're moving into sexual activities without you two already having a basic comfort level with your bodies that yes, that may be moving too fast.

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smokey
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Haha thanks Heather and Gwaihir :)I appreciate your advice... I reckon i'll be using it!

I just find it so funny that I can hang out with dozens of naked cadavers at uni, check out genitals in textbooks etc for the purpose of my degree but when it comes to his I just go: *awkward*.

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appleorchard
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i don't really see whats wrong if you have no desire to do so,, lots of women don't like the idea of it.
aside from the solid fact its a penis in their mouths,
gag reflexes, and especially the taste of sperm/semen is not very...delictable.
i agree with easing yourself into it, if its something you really want to do.
but if your just doing it for him, i personally wouldn't

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smokey
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Yeah ... I'm not sure yet... but I'm a firm believer of trying everything once... so I'll just see how I feel about it all in a few weeks at least [Smile] Thanks for all the help guys!
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hornyman
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hi ive been with my gf for 3 yrs and i love getting blowjobs but she will only do it with a condom i dont get it because she will do anything else sexually poss but this with a condom it still feels great but if she tries without as soon as it enters her mouth she gags and im not big at all its very frustrating and makes me think is she boring fridgid or what has evry man or woman ive asked say they wud not put up with this this is my first post so sorry if its in the wrong place but i hope we can talk about this thanks
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-Jill
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What you're saying is your partner does something you enjoy but you're upset because she doesn't do it EXACTLY how you want it? You're even calling her names such as boring and frigid because of this?

I think you need to take a step back and realize your partner is not obligated to fulfill your fantasies, especially if those fantasies could compromise her health. (See STI Risk Assessment: The Cliff's Notes to learn about the risks of unprotected oral sex.)

If you don't want to put up with having a partner who has limits, who cares about her health, and who has enough respect for herself to act on both of those you certainly don't have to -- you can break up with her at any time. Let me warn you though, most women do have limits and do care about their health and do expect anyone they date to respect them enough to honor those qualities.

[ 12-09-2008, 03:17 PM: Message edited by: -Jill ]

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hornyman
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well its not a health issiu for her it makes her gag the taste but im sick of hering other girls in chat rooms saying they love sucking **** and telling me thts **** if your gf has to use a condom after 3 yrs shes sopposed to love you we dont use condoms for sex or anal so it aint health issue and i love her very much and would never leave her and from wat you said i bet you dont like doing it because most in cht i speak to seem to love it
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-Firefly-
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(Just a reminder to cut the snarky attitude. This is your first warning, and if you continue your posting privileges may be removed as per the user guidelines you agreed to when you signed up here.)

Have you ever thought that maybe the women in chat rooms are saying that because they think/know that's what you want to hear? This might be the case, especially if we're talking about an R-rated chat room. And if you're sick of hearing them say that, don't go into chat rooms and talk about it in the first place. Some women don't like performing oral sex and that's completely normal. It would also be completely normal if there was a sexual activity you didn't like performing. Everyone has things they don't enjoy doing.

Saying that your girlfriend must not love you if she doesn't want to perform oral sex without a condom is really not a healthy stance to take. I'm gonna be honest with you, if your girlfriend came here telling us that you were saying/doing this, I would probably advise her to reconsider whether this is a healthy relationship.

Too, unless the two of you have been tested for STIs twice, 6 months apart, it's not sound to just assume you are STI free. I would recommend you both get tested if you haven't already.

I also just want to make sure that you and your girlfriend are using some type of birth control to prevent pregnancy during vaginal and anal sex.

If it's a choice between no oral sex or oral sex with a condom, and this is an activity that you really enjoy, then maybe you should just be happy with what you have. We're not going to tell you how to make your girlfriend stop using condoms.

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Vero
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atm1
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First of all, it's not appropriate to speculate on what the mods do or do not like doing sexually. [edit, someone beat me to this comment, but I'll still leave it in]

Another point is that many people in chat rooms will say they they do things that they don't actually do in reality. The internet is a place for people to anonymously act out fantasies, so you certainly can't expect everything you hear to be true. Even if it is true, that doesn't say anything about what your girlfriend likes or does not like. Everyone is different and has different comfort levels--expecting your girlfriend to want to do everything people (they may not even really be women) in chat rooms say they want to do is like expecting the sex you have to be just like porn. It's simply unrealistic.


Just because your girlfriend is not comfortable with something sexually does not mean anything about her feelings for you. it is entirely something that has to do with her not enjoying herself.

As her partner, if you seriously want her to be doing things that she DOES NOT enjoy and make her uncomfortable, I suggest you take a step back and reevaluate what you want in this relationship. If you cannot support her in her choices to do only what she feels comfortable doing, this may not be a healthy sexual relationship right now. That doesn't mean it can't be, but I very strongly suggest that you think very hard about whether or not you really want her to do something she does not enjoy.

Sexual relationships should be partnerships where each individual feels safe and comfortable to only do what they truly want to do. How would you feel if your girlfriend insisted you perform a sexual act that made you gag and feel ill? Probably not so good.

[ 12-10-2008, 08:35 AM: Message edited by: atm1 ]

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hornyman
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ive sat back and read and yes you are all probly right sorry if i sounded rude was not intenting to do so yea shes a great woman and i dont wanna lose her and hearing this as helped a little thank you for been honest its is good getting oral i just thought maybe i was missing out because there has to be a condom involved there will never be any of the catching me by suprise witch all men like i wud see her preparing undoing the condom iam in my early 30s she is almost 40 we are very sensible maybe im being the child
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