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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » First time?

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Author Topic: First time?
Member # 37662

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So, I'm at the stage in my life where I'm ready for sex. My only issue is I'm afraid of regretting it. I have a tendency to worry about regretting things, and then end up never doing them because I'm always so afraid. And that's how I feel about sex right now.

I'm not dating anybody currently, and haven't been for three years. I'm seventeen now. I have a few friends I'm interested in and pretty comfortable with, that I'm sure wouldn't mind, and would gladly... "help" me lose my virginity. But I don't know. I'm scared, no... terrified, of regretting it.

So I'm not sure what to do. Should I wait until I am dating someone, or just wait period? Did you regret your first time, and who was it with?

Posts: 1 | From: Kansas City, Missouri | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
Member # 37530

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Well, if you are comfortable with 'losing it' with one of your friends, that decision is up to you. However, you should keep in mind that the person a lot of girls lose their virginity to often seem like "the one" and this may cause you to want to be more than just friends after that, and the guy that you do that with may or may not want that kind of relationship.

So, whether you wait is up to you, and their nothing wrong with having with benfits relationship, if you can emotionally deal with it, and you are okay about everything. What you do is up to you.

I dont have time at the moment, but you can search around the site for sex readiness guides, results of friends with benefits and how people feel about there relationships before and afterwards.

Hope this helps.
and goodluck making the best decision for you.

Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

Posts: 243 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 24641

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My personal experience is that a large part of my satisfaction for sex is emotional. If having your first time with a friend would help you feel more comfertable because of the lack of pressure from a relationship, then maybe it would be best for you. I'm a worrier too, worried for months over sex, but I think that the main reason that I don't regret losing my virginity is because I was in a stable relationship with someone I love.

I knew that our relationship would be fine with or without sex. For me the first time was pretty akward, as we were both virgins and spent some time just getting the positions lined up comfertably, but I felt good because even though it wasn't a magical pleasurable event of a lifetime, it was something that I did because of love. I as a worrier, I really recommend waiting until it's a *choice* you want to make instead of something to *rid* yourself of because just getting rid of it is much more likely to be something you regret because you didn't choose to give it away for an important reason.

Posts: 70 | From: Fullerton, CA, USA | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 35336

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Well, I've never had intercourse, but I did regret my first manual sex experience. So much so that I cried like crazy for days after- mostly because, yeah, it was with a friend, and I started to really like him afterwards, and I knew he didn't like me, but I wasn't thinking about that when it happened.
I wish I had been a worrier!
But, I got over it. It was just a wake up call that I needed to think about what I was doing very carefully.

Here's the: Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

Looking at it again, it really woulda helped if I had known about it before I did anything!

Posts: 401 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 37952

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Regret is one of those things that are so personal, other people can't tell you what you will regret. I personally don't believe in regret because no matter what you do, or what happens, you learn something and gain some valuable life experience. Sure, sometimes things suck, and you wish they hadn't happened the way that they did, but I never regret what I do. Now, maybe this is just because I've never done anything regrettable, or else its because I have become a better person because of it.

Here are a couple of really good articles to read over, I hope they help. They helped me when I decided to have sex.
First Intercourse 101
Is THAT All There Is?

And please, if and when you do decide to have sex, check out this article, too. It has all of the contraceptives in a chart, with their cost and effectiveness. Please be safe! Margaret Sanger's Disneyland: Choosing Contraceptives

And also, Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To talks about having a Safer Sex Kit which is talked about in the Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist which hs123 mentioned above.

So, Vikkeh, I wouldn't stress too much about things. Just be educated and prepared and hopefully you won't regret anything.

There is an upside to everything, sometimes you just have to turn it upside down to find it.

:-) Vikki (-:

Posts: 153 | From: British Columbia | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 38129

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Well, seems to me that its only up to the person and what they want to do. Sometimes you think that your ready, but then you find out later after your first time that you actually weren't. Good luck with your decision.
Posts: 2 | From: Oregon | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 35451

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Originally posted by wyntermidnite:
My personal experience is that a large part of my satisfaction for sex is emotional.

I know everyone is different but I agree with wyntermidnite. My first time, the sex itself was...pretty average. But it didn't matter. It wasn't really about the actual intercourse bit - it was the emotional part of sharing myself with the person I loved which made it really special.

If you feel like you want to have sex just for the hell of it and your "terrified of regretting it", then I reckon you probably will. You sound like your not doing it for emotional reasons, just for physical reasons. And if your just relying on it being a physically satisfying experience for your first time then I reckon you might regret it. If I was you I would wait until you had a boyfriend someone who really meant a lot to you. I know everyone is different and virginity isn't so important to some people so if you want to go for it, but just sharing my thoughts and advice. Hope you find it useful.

Posts: 22 | From: Australia | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 37835

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Regret is a funny thing... It was only a couple weeks after my ex and I lost our virginities together that he broke up with me, and for months afterwards I felt terrible about it. I kept thinking to myself that I had been too young (16). But then, a while later, when I was no longer reeling from the break up, I thought about it more. I don't regret it now. I look back on it and remember it for what it really was. As far as sex goes, it was TERRIBLE. As far as emotions go, it was great. Even though neither of us was relaxed enough and it hurt for me, we just starting laughing at how bad it was. It was SO bad...and probably the most awkward experience of my life... but for a long time afterwards we just laid next to each other laughing and smiling. We had a safe space to look at each other and admit it was bad and laugh about it. So now, four years later, I don't regret it, mostly because I remember how funny and happy that day was. He's a good guy, and I'm glad that experience was with him.

So yeah, that's my story about regret. I did in the immediate aftermath, and I don't in the long run. I don't feel like I can give you advice other than find a safe, comfortable, supportive environment (which includes your partner of course). I hope that helps.

Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bun Bun
Member # 37353

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I've never felt guilty about my first time. All around, I would say that it was a great experience. Sure, we really didn't know what we were doing (other than the "safer sex" portion of it), but we didn't take it too seriously. It was a big deal for both of us, but even when something is serious, you need to be able to joke about it. We even high fived afterwards!

"Losing" or "giving away" your virginity isn't the end of the world, but it definitely isn't an easy decision to make, especially if you're wanting to have sex for the sake of having sex. Just be sure that you're emotionally ready to handle sex without emotional attachments. And definitely do give the "ready or not?" article a read! I must have read it at least 5 times before I had sex.

Posts: 206 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

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I'm noticing that a lot of you seem to feel that virginity and losing virginity is a one-time deal when that doesn't have to be the case. Each time you have sex with someone new, you are essentially losing your virginity to them. Also, the whole idea of "losing" your virginity seems a little odd. It's not something you misplaced, or something you gave away. It's not even tangible, so you can't lose it or give it away. Think about first time sex, whether first time ever or first time with a new partner, as being a shared experience, that it's the first time two people are coming together in a sex act to feel some connection to one another, whether purely physical or emotional as well as physical. In this context, you see that you are not "losing" anything but gaining a new experience. For some more on virginity, I think it would be beneficial to take a look at these two articles:
20 Questions About Virginity: Scarleteen Interviews Hanne Blank
Magical Cups & Bloody Brides: Virginity in Context

Vikkeh, I'm seeing a few things in your post which make me think that you aren't too sure about this.

"So, I'm at the stage in my life where I'm ready for sex." This makes me wonder whether you feel you are ready because you truly are ready, or because you feel it is the thing to do at this certain time in your life. The thing with that is, there really is no set "stage" or time for people to have sex. No one has a chart where they check off all the things you've done. "Vikkeh: ate chocolate ice cream, check; wore a pink dress with a funny hat, check; had sex, check." No, no, no, it doesn't work like that. People are ready for things at different times and you can't compare yourself up against what other people are doing to say that's what you should be doing, too. You should have sex when you feel you are ready for it, not when your friends feel they are ready for it.

"I'm scared, no... terrified, of regretting it." If you are so worried about regretting it that much, then that's a sure sign that you should rethink this. Sure, a lot of people are nervous about their first time having sex, but you shouldn't be terrified, and especially not terrified of regretting it. It might be that you just need a little more time to be ready for sex, and that's perfectly fine. I promise, men in black suits and sunglasses aren't going to come knocking on your door because you haven't had sex yet (though if you look at certain websites, then they may come to your door, but for a different reason).

Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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