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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Experience

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Author Topic: Experience
Ironman
Neophyte
Member # 36344

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Hello, I thank you for ur time, I have a small question about sexual experience, whatt is a good way to ask if ur partner has any expirence with out it bering to awkward?
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ErinK
Scarleteen Volunteer
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I think that depends on when and why you're asking. It's probably not something you want to bring up on a first date, for example. You also want to think about why you want to know -- for example, if you want to know because you're worried about STD risks, it might just be easier to suggest that both of you get tested together.
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Ironman
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Its not as much stds as it is knowing if they know what they're doing or if they don't have any experience
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, if they haven't slept with YOU before, then no matter what other experience someone has had, for the most part, they're not going to "know what they're doing." Every time we have a new sexual partner -- if we're doing things right and are invested in them -- we have to, in many ways, learn things anew because everyone does not like the same things the same way.

But if and when you and a new partner are getting to the point where your relationship is becoming sexual, you can open the door by starting with your own experience (or lack of, whichever), and saying something like, "Hey, do you want to talk about our sexual histories some, previous relationships?" If he or she says yes, then you can break the ice by starting with you. And really, since if things are becoming sexual you WILL also want to be talking about safer sex and previous testing, a conversation like that makes sense in context, and really isn't that awkward.

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Ironman
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For people say 15 or 16, is it THAT important to talk about std's?
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cool87
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It is ALWAYS very important to talk about STIs--including STIs testing and STIs protection-- when with a new partner, no matter their age.

[ 01-05-2008, 01:53 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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The group which has long had the fastest rising rate of STIs is those who are 15-22.

And for young women, it's a particularly big deal because their cervical cells haven't finished developing, which makes them both more prone to some sexually transmitted infections and more likely to have long-term health complications because of them. As well, getting yearly testing and sexual healthcare is tougher for younger people, so they're often without one avenue of protection and prevention. Most young people with an active STI don't know they have one and many don't even find out -- and pass them on -- because without having been tested yearly or more, they have no sound way of knowing they're infected. On top of that, because young men are often so reluctant to use safer sex, and initiate that themselves, young women on hormonal methods of birth control often go without latex barriers because they figure they at least have good protection against pregnancy, and they don't feel able to step it up with safer sex when their boyfriends aren't doing same.

In fact, it is precisely BECAUSE so many young people think they're either immune from infection or it somehow isn't about them, and don't talk about it AND practice safer sex that the rates of STIs for y'all are so high.

So, yep: it IS that important. And in many ways, far more important for people this age than for people ten or twenty years older.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ironman
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Member # 36344

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so what should I do?
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