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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » this lube stuff

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Author Topic: this lube stuff
SFgrrrl
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So I've actually owned lubricant before, a few years ago, and never used it. (Although my mom who is somewhat conservative on the topic of sex did find it, and that was fun (note the sarcasm))

Anyway, I think I produce plenty of natural lubricant. And actually, with a sex toy I found it felt better when I wasn't lubricating the maximum amount I can, b/c of the friction issue. Anyway, what I'm really wondering is: don't people have sex all the time with condoms without using artificial lubricant? How much, really, does it increase the chances of a condom tearing if you're not using artificial stuff?

Posts: 207 | From: Bay Area, CA | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Leabug
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Using extra lube really does make a difference in terms of safety with condoms. While natural lubrication and the stuff on the condoms may be enough for a little while, eventually it'll dry out, and the drier latex gets, the more likely it is to break with friction. Artificial lubes tend to hold up much better and last longer than natural fluids. So really, it's a judgement call of yours to make with regards to how much you want to use, should you decide to use some.

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Lea

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SFgrrrl
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I guess I've just never heard of any of my peers using lube, or owning it. Whereas, in college, people hand out condoms all the time, so those aren't so much a taboo subject.

And also, this brings up another question for me: why is it so many guys don't carry condoms, and aren't the first ones to bring up the subject? Do you think they just assume all girls are on birth control unless told otherwise? Or do they just really hate condoms, so they try and avoid them?

I would think sex without contraception would be a risky enough thing for guys too in sort of casual sex circumstances, enough so that they would be proactive -but no, for some reason this has not been my experience (which to be fair, just consists of 2 guys who would have had sex with me w/o asking about things like birth control, so maybe that's not a typical experience?)

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ocarina
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Well, not everyone feels the need to be prepared for sex every time they go to class, the grocery store, out to dinner with friends, etc. It's pretty much the norm to have sex at home, and therefore keep the condoms at home. Girls can keep them around just as easily as guys can, too. If you have a guy over to have sex, why expect him to bring the condoms?

As far as the risk of unprotected sex goes, I think some guys assume that no girl would have sex without being on BC and are naive enough to believe that they don't have to worry about STIs, so they just save themselves the possible awkwardness of asking the questions. Some people just aren't responsible about sex.

I don't think the word is out enough with regard to lube with condom use. People here know they're supposed to use it, but I don't think that's the case with your typical person yet.

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Leabug
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(Too, condoms aren't really meant to be carried around all the time in a pocket or wallet anyway like many people do- the body heat affects the condom's integrity over time, and the condom can get damaged easier as well.)

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Lea

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anythingusay
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Interesting thread...however, as a dude, I would like to add that I carry a condom around. I don't plan to have unexpected sex, but I have done so and was very happy to put my hand in my pocket and feel good my best friend there waiting for me.

So, there are some men that not only consider the risk of pregnancy, but also the risk of STIs.

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SFgrrrl
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that's good to hear, anythingusay.

My feeling is, when you're talking casual or semi-casual sex, it's not like /I'm/ planning on it any moreso than a guy is planning on it, so why must I be the one to speak up and say "oh sorry we can't do this w/o a condom"? I think it's sort of a cop-out on their part to just assume I'm on BC, makes me feel like I have to be the bad guy for saying I'm not on BC, or something.

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Leabug
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Anythingusay, it is NOT a good idea to carry around a condom in your pocket for the very reason i JUST wrote before your post. Condoms deteriorate after being exposed to body heat all the time- the latex is MUCH more likely to break during use, or to even get punctured in your pocket. So while it's good that you want to be protected, your pocket is not a safe place to store a condom.

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Lea

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ocarina
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Hmm. I didn't mean to imply that it's OK for your casual sex partner to assume that you're on BC and STI-free, because it's definitely not.

You must be the one to speak up and say that you need to use a condom, if your partner is planning on going without, because YOU are the one who wants to use one. If your partner is willing to take the risk, he's certainly not going to say anything. And if he makes you feel like the bad guy for bringing it up, well, I doubt you'd much enjoy sex with someone who can't respect something as basic as your desire to avoid pregnancy and infections.

Really, though, I don't think that the "some guys" I mentioned in my previous post are "most guys". It's good to be prepared for what to do if you come across a partner who is opposed to safer sex, but you shouldn't expect to have to fight a battle to get the guy to wear a condom.

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