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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Erection Loss... HELP

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Author Topic: Erection Loss... HELP
miggy
Neophyte
Member # 35664

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Hi guys, I'm at 19 year old male who has never tried to have sex before this. I've been dating my girlfriend for 6 months, and I care very deeply for her.

Recently we decided to have sex, though we had only been making out, and she had never given me oral or hand jobs.

Every time I go for the condom it seems I just lose my erection... despite my best efforts.

I've never had this problem before, whether it was making out with her or masturbating.

She says she isn't frustrated with me, but at the "situation."

Please give me any advice you possibly can. I desperately wish to please her.

Posts: 3 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
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You know, if this is your first sexual partner, it's no wonder you're a little nervous. That can make an eretion hard sustain. And once that's happened a couple of times, you start to get afraid of it happening again, and the pressure you put on yourself to 'perform' makes it that much more likely.

So what do you do? Stop forcing it. The only sexual activity that requires an erect penis is intercourse. That is by far not the only sexual activity there is, and for most women, it's certainly not the most pleasurable one. There are a ton of other things you can do that don't require an erect penis. And once you stop pressuring yourself and are able to relax, that erection should work out much better for you.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
miggy
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Thanks for the advice. I'm trying to figure out ways to help make the whole situation more relaxed for me.

Do you think drinking a small amount (JUST enough to get "relaxed" and slightly tipsy) would help or inhibit me?

I also think having her put the condom on at some point during foreplay would help ease the transition to sex, considering when I go for it I seem to lose my erection.

Posts: 3 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Getting drunk so you can have sex is always a horrible idea.

Not to mention that there is no need for that. As I pointed out previously, there is absolutely no reason to be so hung up on intercourse. Is there any particular reason you're making that such a big deal? Because it's really not. It's one of many sexual activities and there is really no need to be soooo focuses on it. If you're having trouble sustaining erections, do something that doesn't require an erection. Seriously. If you're looking for ways to make the situation more relaxed, a really big one there would be to stop pressuring yourself. Simply forget about erections for a while and do other things.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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miggy
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I think these things might help me out...

A shot or two to loosen me up and get relaxed.

Start exercising regularly to improve my confidence.

Having her put the condom on for me.

Comments on those or any other suggestions is very appreciated.

Posts: 3 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Y'know, I can't really tell you much more than I already have, and you can that or leave it.

For one, alcohol won't solve your problem. It really won't. And if you have to get intoxicated to feel better about a sexual activity, that's generally a good sign that you should hold off from doing that.

Exercising might improve your confidence. So might talking to your girlfriend about what's going on and letting her know that you feel there's a pressure on you to have an erection and suggesting that you engage in other activities that take the focus away from an erect penis.

Really. That's all you can do.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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TheFlash
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I have a suggestion, try masturbating by yourself with a condom on. It was suggested to me that you put a drop of lube inside the condom before rolling it down. Seemed to help me a bit. Then put lube on the outside and try masturbating. If you get used to masturbating with a condom on, maybe it won't feel so weird when you put the condom on with your gf.

Then if you feel ready and practiced at masturbating like that, ask her if she would give you a hand job with the condom on (with lube inside and out). You'd have to ask someone if she should wear latex gloves while you wear a condom. Could be a bad idea because the condom might break. Someone? Anyone?

I would have liked to have my gf put the condom on me, but she didn't like that idea so much. [Frown]
Perhaps ask your gf as she might be different if you are lucky. [Smile]

As for drinking, I think it is a very bad idea. Alchol is a depressant and makes it more difficult to get an errection (so sayeth my health teacher). I really don't know myself because I don't drink.

If you can't get an errection, try to joke about it. Too much stess is a bad thing. If your gf is pressuring you to have sex, think about if that's what you want. If so, then ask her to just be patient with you. I think if she really likes you, she'll wait for as long as it takes.

If after thinking about it and you aren't really into having intercourse, then you'll have to explain that to her and hope she's not too upset. Be sure to explain that you're just not ready, but you still care deeply for her despite not being ready. Tell her lots of people have sex that don't even like each other and lots of people care for each other and don't have sex. Hopefully if you explain it well she won't take it as a sign you don't like her. I would write her a love note about it so you can get all the words down just right. IMHO. I'd hate for you to lose your gf over it.

Best of luck.

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Justice League Member

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Leabug
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(Gloves and condoms at the same time for manual sex for males isn't necessary- just a condom or just gloves will be fine, along with washing hands with soap and water before and after. You don't ever really want two layers of latex rubbing against each other as it makes them more likely to break!)

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Lea

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jenny2468
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my boyfriend both had quite a serious issue with condoms. every time he even went to put a condom on he started to lose his erection.
we decided to both get STD checks and i would go on the pill. however, this might not be something u want to do/is right for u.
definately practice masturbating when ur on ur own with condoms until you get used to the idea that condoms and sexual activities come as a pair. ive also heard just wearing one when you get an erection and you are in bed with your gf, even if you're not planning on having sex.
my bf said it was an issue of feeling he had to perform well, just a nervous thing.
dont worry about it, when you get used to the idea of a condom im sure itll become second nature.

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Airem
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Condoms can be a real sidetrack from your sexual activity, and i know what it's like to lose an erection. Sometimes i have lost one right smack in the middle of sex! Talk about your car stalling lol.
I noticed you said that you both have never had oral or manual sex, so why the big leap into intercourse.
manual and oral sex are some ways to get comfortable with your partner and aside from that it provides more fuel for arousal.

So heres my suggestions...

1. Forget alcohol, try something else fun that you can both do together

2. (Like you said) have her put the condom on for you

3. Do other things before jumping into sex such as hand jobs or oral stimulation.

4. Don't rush yourself

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As The Shadow Follows The Body, As We Think, So We Become.

Posts: 157 | From: Athens, Texas, USA | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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