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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Should I be worried?

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Author Topic: Should I be worried?
AshBaby6
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Okay, so here is the story. I am 16 and my boyfriend is 18..... after our school dance we went back to his car and... i ended giving him a blowjob and when i was done he started fingering me in the back of the car. After like 15 minutes I started to orgasm, and when I was totally distracted by it he penetrated me. I wasn't planning on doing that tonight and I know he wasn't either, but after about 30 seconds I began to notice, and I squirmed back and pulled him out, but then he began to talk to me and fingering me again, then he penetrated me again, except for this time I was fully aware of it. I let him keep going because it felt good and it was fun, but should I be worried that he didn't ask me or talk about it with me at all? Thankfully he pulled out when he started to cum.... but still....should I be worried about it? I mean it seems like he took advantage of me... I talked to him about it and he just said he wanted to make me feel good...So...what do I do? He didn't rape me or anything..it was just kind of unexpected.
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dailicious
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What your boyfriend did was most definitely taking advantage of a situation and of you, and it quite obviously was not okay that he did this, especially AFTER you had pulled away from it in the first place. Intercourse doesn't "just happen" and if he was intending to make YOU feel good through this action, quite frankly he would have asked first.

This sends up big red flags to me - him doing it once? Still not at ALL something that was okay for him to, but for him to do it after your body language clearly stating that it was something you didn't want to participate in? Not to mention he did so without any sort of protection - Definitely NOT acceptable in a consensual, loving partnership.

If nothing else, talk to him again, tell him that what he did was NOT okay, and lay out what your boundaries are for your relationship and any future sexual activity, including things like what activities you're comfortable in participating in and when (ie. when you SAY you do), and that you use protection every single time, no questions.

This also would have presented big STI risks and a risk for pregnancy, so if it was under days ago, I'd suggest you seek out Emergency Contraception now if you do not wish to become pregnant. Also, if you both have not had a full STI screening recently, you'll want to schedule one of those for about a month from now.

Is there anything we could help you with in terms of setting boundaries for yourself? Finding EC in your area? Anything else you'd like to discuss about your relationship at all? If so, we're all here for you so just let us know! [Smile]

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Jean
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AshBaby6
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Okay... well he is coming over later tonight around 8...and my parents are leaving. We are going to swim and watch a movie and stuff and I don't know whether to be concerned about being alone with him or not. Him penetrating me felt great and I would let him do it again but I dont QUITE know if I am ready for it yet. Should I just tell him we need to stick to no intercourse and just other things for now? I know he is going to want to do something with me tonight..
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dailicious
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Is there a friend you could call, or a close relative (even your parents, maybe?) who you could call if you start feeling uncomfortable with him being around? Do you feel prepared to call someone or ask him to leave if you start feeling uncomfortable?

If you don't think you're quite ready to engage in intercourse yet (especially considering you two haven't had a talk about boundaries or protection yet, or at least not one he took very seriously), I'd definitely say to hold off until you DO feel 100% ready, and until you have had a chance to have that conversation with him (ie. what I discussed before).

It's also recommended when discussing sexual boundaries and the like, that you do so in a situation which is NOT sexual, or could become sexual. So, I'd recommend you speak to him first thing when he gets over, if you can, before you two start swimming, or watching the movie, or anything else.

Finally (I know this is long-winded), how are you feeling in terms of wanting to be sexually active with him? You say he's going to want to do something tonight, but do you want to do something with him?

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Jean
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AshBaby6
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I will try to talk with him before we start doing anything. And yes I feel comfortable about being sexually active with him and its very fun...but I don't think im ready to go as far as intercourse yet. When he did it in the car....well lol it felt kind of weird. I am totally comfortable with fingering or anything else with him though. The only thing negative I have said to him about it was not to cum in my mouth...but other than that it's fine. Why should I not discuss it with him in a situation that could lead to sexual activity?
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AshBaby6
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I will try to talk with him before we start doing anything. And yes I feel comfortable about being sexually active with him and its very fun...but I don't think im ready to go as far as intercourse yet. When he did it in the car....well lol it felt kind of weird. I am totally comfortable with fingering or anything else with him though. The only thing negative I have said to him about it was not to cum in my mouth...but other than that it's fine. Why should I not discuss it with him in a situation that could lead to sexual activity?
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dailicious
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Usually, when discussing things like sexual boundaries, sexual activity, protection, etc. it's just a lot easier and more straightforward when doing so NOT in a sexual situation. Also, this way the conversation happens when it's JUST about the conversation, so the attention of both parties can be there, on the discussion, 100% rather than on other activities. So rather than, "Oh hey, things are getting heated, sure, sure, boundaries, right, let's kiss more." It's, alright, we're discussing this in a mature conversation, and we've reached an agreement that's we're both on the same page and accepting of, and now we can go on to other activities and have be more comfortable and into the activity. Make sense?

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Jean
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AshBaby6
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Heres how last night went down. The second he came over I sat him down on the couch and talked about boundaries and what I am more comfortable with...and the situation wasn't sexual at all. But he just kept saying "mmmhmmm" and unbuttoning my skirt and stuff so we could go swimming.
In the pool, he got in the spa and sat down, and i sat on his lap facing him and started kissing him, and he was just playing with my panties and trying to get them down and stuff. I just kind of jumped in the pool...Then later we started a movie.
He started to touch me to get me going and then that's all I remember for the rest of the night because I fell asleep..But I woke up this morning totally naked in my bed with cum on my face, breasts, and stomach. Now I am very concerned because I think I remember another guy coming over while I was asleep...I just don't know. I'm really scared about what happened last night..do you think he had intercourse with me while I was asleep?! But I probably would have woken up right??? Now im just really freaked out and I dont know what to do..

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LacieC
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You really need to go somewhere and get checked out. It sounds like something was slipped to you and then he/they took advantage of you. This guy doesn't sound like a good guy. If he really cared this situation wouldn't have happened.

Lacie

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ASargent42
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You should get to a planned parenthood or similar place NOW, and get checked out. You might discuss getting Emergency Contraception, as added protection, as you aren't sure what all happened. If possible, they might want to do a rape kit, to determine whether he/they did perform intercourse with you. But you need to go get checked out NOW.


This guy is seriously bad news. You tried to discuss boundries, and it's obvious he was just tuning you out. He is not a good guy. In my opinion, you need to stay away from him. Do you have any adults that you trust to talk about this with? parent, relative, teacher, counselor...?

Seriously, though, I highly suggest you get to a PP or clinic and get checked out. The sooner, the better.

Good luck, and remember that we are always here to offer advice and support.

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Amanda
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AshBaby6
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I went to a clinic and found out that intercourse/anal sex WAS performed and three different guys were involved and there is a good chance I am pregnant.
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Heather
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Well, a clinic could not (and ethically, should not, since they have no way of determining pregnancy status this early) tell you there was a "good chance" of your being pregnant, because pregnancy is not instant like that.

They could let you know that unprotected anal or vaginal sex certainly present high risks and a high chance of you becoming pregnant, but there is no way to test for a pregnancy this soon after a risk, since pregnancy cannot occur in just one evening and present the changes in the body needed to test for it.

What SHOULD be done in this type of situation is for you to be offerred emergency contraception by the clinic, since you CANNOT have become pregnant yet, and EC would be easily effective this early in the game. If they did NOT offer this to you, call back NOW and get that.

Too, it's also a bit odd for them to have any results so fast per determining multiple types of semen belonging to multiple people: even a police lab couldn't process that that quickly.

Did they make clear you should GO to the police, given what you say they are suggesting, rather than just a clinic?

[ 09-09-2007, 01:45 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Heather
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FYI, Ashbaby, your email appears to be one of someone of a male gender. Given that and some discrepencies between what you suggest your age to be in your two threads here at Scarleteen (and what your registration birthdate states, which is that you are 19), as well as a few odd statements, and what strikes me as a pretty strange recent history of posts for you to be reading in the midst of a crisis like this, just in case, I want to make clear that if you are male and are PERPETRATING these activities to someone else, these are criminal actions and are beyond unacceptable.

Again, I have no way of knowing if that is the case, but given some questionable/troubling things between your registration and some of your posts (like having an orgasm somehow making you unable to feel a penis entering your vagina, which would be highly unusual, to say the least), I felt the need to make that very clear.

[ 09-09-2007, 02:03 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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